Absolute beginner nerves

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Feb 16, 2024

People ask me why I thoroughly screen partners (when I'm looking for them), or if I'm JUST into degradation. It's true though, if both sides aren't doing their job this kind of play can easily go from a painful pleasure into serious harm.

It's more fun to just smack bottoms for a lot of people, takes less effort too I'd gather. Different strokes for different folks!

ZorPrime • Apr 8, 2024

Hey there,

I can understand where you're coming on the other side of the fence.

The connection between two people is so important and a lot of people miss or ignore that.

I have been lucky to explore with some very experienced women in the submissive roles etc, but I found they were just following patterns of the same thing in their life (they have been in extreme toxic relationships, sexual assault etc etc) which is never never ok and they have not tried to seek help in dealing with their past to move forward.

Once I found out after learning and spending time with them, trying to get them seek help, then we can keep exploring this relationship, they would tend to move on and look for the same thing, aka not me (which is fine, and I always wish them luck and no ill feelings).
I don't and cannot do the same thing as they have had in their past relationships, I am not a one-night stand person, every time I have had any sort of sex very early in a new budding relationship, it has always ended as an unfulfilled loss.

I sort of accepted that this side may not happen with the right person (or was I just being picky?)

But I have just met a woman, who we were both interested in each other, but I never got her signals and she never got mine for a few months, then we stopped being in each other's zones, then out of the blue we connected, and I took the first step and we have been seeing every other for over 3 months now.

I am always one to say no secrets between us, be it good or bad or ugly.

And we have discussed and learned about how we got here, her past has made expect any males she dates to be act a certain way and she was mentioned that to me as she reminded me that in 3 dates we have not kissed or any advancements for sex etc.

I explained to her that I enjoy knowing and connecting with someone before I can and willingly go there, but I did say on the fourth date, get those lips limber and her humor was which ones (we both have that sense of humor).

Our first kiss was filled with awkwardness and excitement, at the end of our date I was very cheeky and slipped the tongue, her response was that "I wonder what that tongue will be like elsewhere".

As we learned more about each other, we started to build a bond.

Our first night together she offered me sex, I said no (yes yes yes, a male saying no) we had amazing oral together, afterward she asked me why I didn't accept the offer as she felt like there was something wrong with her.

I reinforced we have time for that, I wanted to badly as well, but I am not there yet.

Now we are far more comfortable around each other and explored more of the Dom / Sub together and are working our way through the likes and dislikes and OMG yes I want more of that.

What is the most interesting is the sheer enjoyment I get out of the Dom (learner here) role and seeing her mind and body react to our play time.

She has given the taste of her innocence, sweetness, passion, desire, lust and submission to me which is so intoxicating and rewarding and for filling that I have never had before.

And making sure our aftercare for the both of us by showering, having a meal etc as we look at each other in a different light.

I do believe without that initial connection, bonding and romance in getting to know each other is paramount without that foundation.

The after feeling is amazing and lasts for hours and days for myself, that is how I know I found the one! (well, I'm hoping).

keeping looking for the "ONE" and never accept anyone who is about their wants and see you as a way to get it.