Question for submissives relating protective tendencies and being in a dynamic

TwinkleEyes • Jun 14, 2024

I believe protectiveness is built into us naturally. Fight and flight. Even trees have this mechanism and communicate through mycelium to protect other trees.

I'm a kinkster and what type of dynamic I have with someone depends upon the situation. That being said I believe the journey of BDSM is a journey into ourselves. Becoming self aware, why we are what we are, learning that we are beautiful in places we didn't know, learning to accept ourselves, love ourselves, learning to take responsibility, and working on our "faults" to become a better person.

Becoming self aware has definitely changed me. I've learned to be accountable for things. As a submissive I've learned to sit in the backseat during the get to know you phase. I watch how I affect someone. I have stepped away from possible dynamics knowing I wasn't a good fit for them even though I desired to have a dynamic with them. I just stepped away from theCage community because I was being a brat. I needed an attitude adjustment. Sometimes we have to protect others from ourselves.

Other times I have had to learn to accept things from D types who want to protect me. I've had to learn to ask for help and accept it without feeling guilty or thinking I owe someone something in return. Learning that some of my previous D types were only trying to protect me by helping me was a tough lesson.

subbme​(sub female) • Jun 15, 2024

I feel like the way a sub protects their Dom is different than how a Dom protects honestly.

RoseUndressed​(sub female) • Jun 15, 2024

As many before me have said, I feel I'm innately protective towards those I love - and to those I feel need protecting - for instance, unjust comments aimed towards a person will nearly always cause me to intervene.

However, I do feel my protective instincts can be eased somewhat when under a trusted (and trusted is the operative word here) person's steer. This doesn't have to be a dom or someone I am in a dynamic with - it can equally be a close friend, someone whose opinion I value.

At times my protectiveness can be too intense or not entirely justified - normally if I have been triggered by something from my own past. Talking it through, being helped to realise my own prejudice or insecurities may have caused me to leap to an overly zealous protectiveness in some instances.

I also believe, for the large part, my protectiveness for those I love is, perhaps, a softer kind of protectiveness. A want to help heal or console the person I'm protective over, opposed to defend them to the hilt. Or simply not to solutionise for them, but simply be there.