Advice

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2025

Fake

Walk away, maybe run....

Bunnie • Jan 24, 2025

If he’s avoidant now, he’ll be avoidant later, when difficult topics truly come to light.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2025

First, let's start by saying you aren't being too sensitive. You're asking a question. And he hasn't provided an adequate response.

All sage and safe advice from those above. I'd add, it's possible like a good many out there, he doesn't know what aftercare is. Not that he's a fake or faux or what have you. He just might not know and has never actually experienced providing it. He's possibly embarrassed to show you he's inexperienced. Although his response you provided is a tad . . . moronic.

As for what his response should be, it truly is different depending upon the situation, how you're playing and the needs of the partner that requires aftercare. If he wants to know how to provide you aftercare, he should ask you your thoughts and what you feel you need in aftercare. If you don't know, it's definitely worth discussing before you get into anything intense.

Wrapping up under a blanket, hydrating (PowerAide, Gatorade, Lemonade . . . all good for hydration after an intense interaction), close personal contact (wrapping up around each other). Maybe you need silence or maybe you need a soothing voice. Or maybe you need a taco or pizza. Some individuals may prefer no physical contact but keep their partner in their vicinity.

To broach the subject, just be honest with him. "Hey fella. I asked a question on aftercare and your answer didn't really scratch my itch. Have you provided aftercare before or is it just hypothetical? Let's talk about it."

Best of luck!

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2025

It's a nudge from the Universe. Whether you write him off or see it as something that needs to develop in him before you take further steps, is what you need to decide. Someone said you should have an idea, too, even though you haven't been there yet, of the aftercare you'll need. I've been there, not given what was needed, and it's not pretty. I would say this, too. Aftercare is not just for the sub; Doms need it too. Ask him what it means to him and what he receives from providing it. To me, it's mutual restoration. I need it, too.

bdsamworld​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2025

Trust what your gut tells you

cherrypetals​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2025

I completely understand, its like trying to pry teeth out with the way i have to be constantly on top of him asking questions.
And you might be right about them saying they will think about it only to go hours without answering in hope i forget or move on.

Its annoying that he can't even put in the effort and yet he says he has has subs for a few years now.

I thought he was more experienced but i'm getting tired of having to beg for answers.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2025

This is my person take on your situation. ANY reluctance to communicate is an instant disqualification for me. I understand people have jobs, families, and lives. I don't expect an instant answer. The very first time I sense a person evading, or worse, unable to answer one of my questions, they are out. Disqualified. If the person is that incapable of communicating their thoughts, ideas, needs, and positions, then they aren't for me. That's my take.

cherrypetals​(sub female) • Jan 25, 2025

Thank you, your absolutely right
I didn't disqualify the person because he said he worked a lot which i understood but at this point, i think its safe to assume he probably is only interested in the sexual part.
Thank you for leaving your comment, i appreciate it a lot.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Jan 25, 2025

You're welcome.

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Jan 25, 2025

I'm with B L O N D I E on this one, the hesitance to communicate is very concerning. The kinds of things we do in this lifestyle require that participants are on the same page, and being cagey is antithetical to that. If someone lacks experience with something they should be willing to say so, and if someone is afraid of judgement they should say that too and work towards feeling comfortable expressing their deepest selves with each other.

I'm not a sub myself, but I've heard stories from subs about times they let such red flags slide and were burned by it. Finding out the dom is married and cheating, being used and gaslit about it, having their needs ignored, etc. It is not worth it, in my opinion.