Sex vs lust vs love

JenX • Jun 24, 2025

Great topic!

It may be helpful to reframe the topic into basic biochemical processes of Lust, Attraction, and Attachment.

Lust: testosterone, estrogen
Attraction: dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin
Attachment: oxytocin, vasopressin

The "spark" is an attraction phenomenon due to high levels of dopamine (reward or more), norepinephrine (giddy, energetic, and euphoric), and reduced serotonin (appetite, mood, and infatuation.) We can experience lust with or without attraction, but attraction is usually related to lust.

It is normal for those levels to fluctuate or come down after pair bonding (attachment) since biologically, attraction has served its purpose of procreation (lust.) I know, Blah, blah, blah something about humans are animals.
It's also considered a healthy thing, because while moderate doses of dopamine can help us enjoy things like relationships, too much dopamine can lead to addiction and unhealthy dependence in relationships. Of course, in this lifestyle, some may view addiction and dependency as desired components of a dynamic.

It is also normal to miss or long for the intensity or those "lustful feelings." Not only do our bodies change as we age, so do our preferences. One way to keep the spark alive might be to spend time deep diving into what y'all did and do find attractive about different aspects of each other, others, and behaviors, what felt and feels rewarding, what did and does make y'all want more and of what, what did and does excite y'all to do or see, etc.

Thank you for starting this conversation! May you be blessed.

angelaffliction​(sub female) • Jun 25, 2025

That is such a good of explaining I keep feeling broken as I can’t reach that lustful intoxicating feeling that I miss it doesn’t happen anymore I’d like it too I miss and I’m not sure how to fix it. But this gives good insight on what I may be missing

lunamuse​(sub female) • Jun 28, 2025

For myself, the best sex is when I have lust for them, but also love them. I don’t necessarily crave emotional intimacy (actually, I might… tbd), I’m not sure what to do when I’m on the receiving end of sincere affection. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t, or can’t, love.

However, I do think there are times where lust has died off the more friendly a relationship has become. But, I think that’s a genuine way to know that the sexual spark is there but maybe not the emotional one.

I think a common pitfall when you are in love is that once the excitement goes away, you can so easily allow your comfort to become a stagnant relationship. When everything is safe and comfortable all the time, where is the room for the spark? You have to make room.

Don’t confuse exciting with new, though. You’ll run out of new things, run out of things to explore, etc. and in a way the comforting aspect of your relationship can suddenly feel boring.

This is why partners should continue dating, continue flirting, continue wooing and impressing one another. The lust will continue to simmer beneath the comfort of your love if you make the effort. 🩷

Lupocabo​(sadist male) • Jun 29, 2025

For me and for the most males i think is: Lust leads to Sex leads to Love. And in my opinion for most females it is: Love leads to Lust leads to Sex. This ways can not every time walked together, sometimes they branch. That is all. Let me clarify, Lust and Sex are closely connected. Primal instinct of procreation. Love on the other hand is a composite feeling of Trust, Passion, Care, Admiration and Familiarity. I would bet if your missing some of the Love attributes your Lust and Sex will suffer. I would find out which and why some of the components are falling short and if i am able to fix that in myself, not in the partner. Of course the 'drive' is dwindling after the new 'pink glasses' phase and the day by day routine begins to take over. But this is what the spice rack of kink is for.