Forum Fightclub

This seems to be venting thread so I’ll just say that a few years I took a risk at embracing sincerity and being more openly authentically myself. Mostly it’s been fine but it did reveal some naivety and interpersonal blind spots.

There’ve been a few occasions of putting my foot in my mouth but mostly that’s not a big problem

What eventually was is my obliviousness to common cynicism about certain things and I guess what people just assume about “human nature”. One person I thought was one of my best friends, I DD’d for his birthday to bar hop at gay bars (which was a fun entertaining experience as a straight guy. Lots of cool people), filmed his theater performances to send to his parents, bought him a 40 dollar pair of entry level boxing gloves for is b-day bc I new that, with his experiences as a trans guy and having been beaten up both before and post transition prior to meeting me, it’d benefit him to develop some wherewithal about fighting even if he never takes a great liking to it.

What I wasn’t conscious of until much later is what an unscrupulous shapeshifter he his for the sake of social mobility. I recall seeing him talk to someone I didn’t know, smiling brightly and laughing and and being chummy and all that, when i asked him who that person was on a boring day with little ekse to talk about he said he hates the guy and went off on what he didn't like about him. That was the first of many red flags

After a year that was mostly fine but with mild but firm boundary setting in small ways, he’d get unexpectedly belligerent and looking at me like I owe him something but saying nothing.

Later I’d learn he “treats me like a spectacle” in certain clicks and apparently tried to isolate from spaces he didn’t want me present in for his own reasons. I know he got very mad at a mutual friend for calling me to invite me to a fun get together I wasn’t aware of. She later told me she had tried suggesting inviting me to multiple things and he’d shut it down.

Still, i did question myself critically. Maybe Im toxic in ways I didn’t realize? There’s nothing that I won’t be willing to step back on reassess if I’m whats wrong in certain contexts.

Then I brought things up to a mutual NB friend, (they seemed like best friends for a time) expecting them to say “dont believe everything you think”. “It’s anxiety”, etc. Instead they said this sounds familiar to them and that they experienced some of it. Told me he seems very status driven and is always looking to advance, at any cost. He needed us before but now were disposable.

Id gradually act more implicitly snarky about his cynical tendencies as I got to know him for one more year (I don’t think i threw any low blows but i can imagine I was becoming aggravating). Until one day he contrived a weak reason to kick me from a chat and every other mutual friend I asked was shocked and confused when they heard it (in bigger settings of people with most our mutual acquaintances, he defaulted to his “im a teddy bear” persona who everyones back).

That was the end of that. Glad i had time to learn what i was missing before the end at least. I hope he doesnt slip from whatever ladders he tries to climb in his life. He’ll likely burn more friends before something changes or it catches up to him


………….thank you fir indulging me 😅