D/S relationship in public places

shahh • Feb 21, 2019

Interesting post.

The way I see it... If it isn't illegal and you want to do it, go for it. People can walk away, avert their eyes or ignore it. Do whatever makes you happy vanilla, kink or otherwise. Everyone will never agree on everything. You will always offend someone without intention no matter how much you attempt to conform. The gold standard of acceptability is generally set by heterosexual role typical folks. (I.e. male lead relationships). I say fuuuuuuuck that. Time for everyone to be free to be themselves... Just be prepared for the backlash. Social change always comes with pushback.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 21, 2019

@Shahh


I see your point.
Gonna have to think on that a min.

But between here and there-
BDSM is illegal for both parties and in many states classified as a sex crime.

ropefish • Feb 21, 2019

@MasterBear, BDSM dynamics in and of themselves aren't illegal - just some physical aspects like hitting, beating, etc right? I believe what Shahh is talking about, and was I was talking about, is more about protocol. Calling someone Master/Mistress in public, not speaking unless given permission, walking behind them...

Or, things that *I* think should be fine in public, sitting on the floor by the D type or wearing a leash or collar. It's not sexual, it's not violent, it's just and expression of the power dynamic. I'm aware there would be social consequences to such things, but I personally don't take them off the table just because someone's bound to be offended by them.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 21, 2019

@nawa

Ah-- your right.

But having seen bdsm ers be self righteous about space and displace others.

I've seen spontaneous scenes happen in vanilla venues.

ropefish • Feb 21, 2019

@MasterBear
Good point. Self control is a must.

shahh • Feb 21, 2019

Self righteous dicks come in all walks of life. Of course I don't condone intentionally displacing others. But someone being a dick about something doesnt make that something wrong, it just makes them a dick.

Was the spontaneous scene happening in a vanilla venue illegal or containing illegal actions? If so...bad kinky folk. If not... fine by me. Perhaps i would even choose to leave. We have been so programmed to despise and judge and fear differences of behaviors that we often suppress the natural needs and wants we have. Someone, somewhere will ALWAYS be offended, especially when the activity goes against a heteronormative vanilla type behavior.

Tanaquil • Feb 22, 2019

Certain kink dynamics make me intensely uncomfortable, to the point that picturing myself in that kind of situation has been enough to to give me a panic attack. I'm not *offended* - I'm having a deep-seated emotional reaction. Similar non-sexual vanilla situations get to me in the same way.

I have kinks that induce the same reaction in others, and I don't expect anyone to be okay with them. Why would I want to impose on them? You don't know what people around you have been through. Maybe they've suffered abuse, and watching a blatant D/s interaction is an unpleasant reminder. It doesn't have to be about sex or prudes or close-minded people.

Most of us have to go out in public occasionally. It doesn't mean we consent to seeing anything and everything that other people feel like doing at that moment. If you can keep it 100% discreet, have fun. Otherwise, keep it in private places where it belongs.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Feb 22, 2019

I agree with shahh and nawazakana. Sexual acts in public are illegal so should obviously remain behind closed doors. But certain D/s protocols, such as wearing collars, leashes etc is down to the individual whether they want to display this in public. It should not be prohibited because someone may or may not have a negative reaction to it. There are all types of offensive behaviours and triggers that can offend someone. For example, I knew a girl at my university who had a deep phobia to red clothing for her own personal reasons. But you can’t stop people in public from wearing a certain colour. So she had to learn to cope with it and walk away when she needed to.

I understand if you knew you were walking into a certain place where you would offend everyone. For instance, you wouldn’t walk into church wearing a Satan tee...but walking down the street? Do what you want. Some people don’t like blatant displays of affection, or to see 2 women holding hands. But no one says they have to watch it or can’t walk away if they don’t approve. So I think if you feel confident enough and want to display your role as a submissive by wearing a collar or addressing your Dom/me in public then by all means go for it. Whatever floats your boat.

Edited - I think if we start getting caught up in everything that could offend, no one would ever leave their house.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Feb 22, 2019

I have thought quite about this topic. There are fantasies and things that I enjoy about teasing my Kitten in public places but that do not involve the un-consenting public. I think that’s just an area where you probably should be a little careful.

I am also very fond of collars or something to signify ownership and prefer they be a more full-time accessory in some fashion. I like to keep dynamics generally the same in and out of the house, it makes me happy and as far as the public is concerned it is harmless. It makes me just as happy to have her say ‘Thank you Sir’ for opening her car door as it does at home (well . . .). It might seem a little funny to have a woman call her company ‘Sir’ in public but I think most people would just move on with their day.

Honestly, I think that bringing some of your kinks out in public is mostly harmless as long as you’re keeping in your environment in mind (trying to be respectful of children etc.). I grew up in the San Francisco Bay though and had seen some interesting things growing up.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 22, 2019

I really thought about the concept of being in public and being same sex affectionate.

How that offends many.

But, thankfully, is no longer illegal.
It took visibility to change that law.
Visibility led to conversations which led to a shift in public opinion.

Although I do not agree with public play.

Maybe it is time for more visibility.