Is submission really a gift?

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 4, 2020

"a submissive POV that submission in its very nature is a gift"

"the whole dynamic ideally is a give and take."

I can't reconcile the two.

MariGold • Oct 4, 2020

That’s your right. Still it‘s true.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Oct 4, 2020

That is where contracts come in. I have insisted on contracts in some of my D/s relationships, because I feel the same way, I do not think D is a gift.. I don't receive gifts well. Thus I don't appreciate holidays or kindness without balance in most cases - as with me and my sisters birthday gifts. To me, calling something a gift cheapens it as a need. I still understand how thankful you can be for it though. And when you are thankful for something, you can perceive it as a gift, which is where I think the word comes in. But like duty, obligation and other words that are just as interchangeable,.

Contracts remove the "giving" side of it, where you both know how things play out and there is no guesswork required. That may be the type of Lifestyle you need. I would never tell my Dom that I am giving him a gift... just like I do not appreciate the ones in my life who have been "I will let you give me a blowjob, because I know you like it so much" Doesn't mean I would correct my Sir if he thanked me for my submission or saw it as a gift.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 4, 2020

It's not my right, it's my inability to reconcile two seemingly incompatible statements.

DaddyDrago​(dom male){LilAmethys} • Oct 4, 2020

There is honesty in both points of view. Not a disparity just a muddy water of delineating boundary lines on what is gift and what is equanimity.

Query,

In ANY relationship........are you gifting your time to the individual(s)? Meaning, you will NEVER get it back. Those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years are irreplaceable. No matter what the other person does they can not give you back your time. Even if they give their time. It's not equal. It's YOUR time.
Same with energy.
Same with focus.
Same with devotion.
All of these (and plenty more) given from the heart (operative word) can NOT be replaced. They are given freely without a possibility of being replenished.

Does that negate that nothing is sought in return for your time, energy, focus, devotion? NO.
But here's the rub.
We get into a relationship believing, hoping, desiring for our gift to be honored, respected, cared for, reciprocated. But, it is just that..........a hope. We can NOT create it. We can ask for it...........which draws a line between what is a gift (with the idea that nothing is sought in return) and what is simply give and take.

All relationships require balance.
Ebb and flow.
Power exchange in this lifestyle.

In THAT sense, submission cannot be a gift and dominance cannot be a gift.
HOWEVER, they ARE a gift from the lens that what you offer is unique and special as the individual that you are. Your time. Your thoughts. Your energy. Your heart cannot be replaced or even matched or met by another. To expect another to give you dominance for your submission in return is to set yourself up for a failure because no one can live up to YOUR expectation of what you hope to get in return. In the end, if as a submissive you're seeking to get xyz in return for your submission (meaning you demand it look like xyz) then you're topping from the bottom and may as well be dominant. I am NOT saying you shouldn't have standards and limits, boundaries by which you should desire, live and move. THAT is another topic altogether.

To maintain balance and equanimity it is a healthier space to consider what a partner brings to the table as unique, special, a gift.
Is it truly? That is in the eye of the beholder. What Amethyst brings to me is very much a gift through my lens. Because it is sacred and unique. She alone captivates my heart and soul. I consider that a gift. I do NOT work to give back to her BECAUSE of her gift. I attempt to honor her gift by respecting that she is unique and special in who she is and the heart she offers me by respecting her. Doing so may be sought after by her as she deserves such, but in turn she accepts that I do not HAVE to. I choose to. Which in turn keeps the balance that my gift of respecting her and honoring who she is as a unique individual is also a gift. Because, as we are all too aware of there are few out there that can honestly see us and truly appreciate us for who we honestly are.

Are we saying then that submission or dominance is truly a gift?
NO. Not really.
However, the alternative is to view submission or dominance as an expectation. As something we are asking for or demanding or needing or wanting and we lose something in the way of honoring one another and holding sacred each other as individuals. It feels more like a business transaction than a devoted relationship.

For ME, I would much rather perpetuate the idea that submission/dominance is a gift. ESPECIALLY in light of all the horrible things that wannabes and insta/online doms/subs tend to do with the idea that they DESERVE or should EXPECT submission/dominance.

It's like saying the family pet is a valued member of the family. No other family member do we lock in a cage at night. Or put in the pound when we go on vacation. But, it is easier and better to consider the pet as a family member with "special needs" than to think of them as in the way of all the other fun things we want to do. We make all kinds of concessions regarding our language and thought or emotional posture regarding a myriad of things in life.
Submission/dominance surely is allowed to be one of them as well?

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Oct 4, 2020

Cannot speak for others, but for me, my submission is not a gift, but a need. I need to give up control and responsibility even just for a few hours to escape from the stress of my professional life. I would tend to think that I have a symbiotic relationship with my Dom.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 5, 2020

"In ANY relationship........are you gifting your time to the individual(s)?"

I am not. I spend time with someone because I want to, because I get something from it. Otherwise, I would simply not do it.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 5, 2020

Bingo!

slavebilly​(sub male) • Oct 5, 2020

A symbiotic relationship? So where does love. Honor and respect come in?

Symbiosis is so selfish. Love is giving. I want to be in a love relationship not a mutually dependent relationship.

Tthomas • Oct 5, 2020

What is a gift?
Is it a mixing bowl for someone who doesn’t cook?
Is it a kidney for someone who will not live another week?
Both are gifts but hardly carry the same meaning.

The only way to know what to give someone is the to know them and listen.
If you do those two things you will hit a home run every time.

Whether you are Dominant or submissive that should be your goal in your relationship.
To answer your question, Yes.
What better gift can you give but yourself to someone that appreciates you?