Length of dynamics

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

And that is one of the best ways. Trouble is not everyone does that. One oten distances and the other pursues and it causes conflict. This post ended up being more about those. And there area lot of them. I love the idea that you worked together and hope you can find that again. If not I hope you keep in mind what you find here. It might help in the future when this aweful pandemic is over, and when you ready to move forward. You are in my thoughts and prayers

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2021

There is no one answer. A dynamic can be for a pre agreed time span, short usually, or a number of scenes, can be initially for a set time period, say 6 months, then reviewed before continuing, or just allowed to evolve naturally. So many different approaches, no one way.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

I agree, this is more related to long term relationships, for those that want them.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Jun 7, 2021

I would be interested to see research over decades on this and related questions about dynamics in this arena.
Anyone seen 7 UP series? A documentary style that follows people over decades checking in with them every 7 years. Something similar would give some fascinating insight.

Bunnie • Jun 7, 2021

This has been an interesting read. Definitely someone taking notes over here, thank you.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

I'm glad that, it raised questions. As long as we keep asking questions we can all learn more.

Lyfessield​(sadist male) • Jun 8, 2021

I would still say communication solves most problems because it helps avoid unecessary misunderstandings. Sure you can talk til you want and not get anything across to your partner but that's because a relationship needs both partners to be present.
You can be up for communication but it also depends on your partner to be open for you for the relationship to last.
If they hide things from you, you will start to feel somethings not right, they are hiding something, they don't completely trust you. And that last one is the most important part, they can say they trust you all they want but if they don't show it in every way, not just in bed, it's worth nothing in the long term.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

I agree, trust is important, but sometimes and I'm going to give an example: you have a partner that withdraws and in relationships you have pursuers (that want connection) and you have distancers that want connection but feel smothered as soon as they get it. Those wounds come from long before you are even conciously aware.
Depending on how parents treated us, so like me, I'm a pursuer(my mother was a good mother but when I was little I was expected to keep myself busy) so that would reluslts in wanting connection. Between ages from birth to 2. Are when my wounds happened.
So if I'm with a distancer he feels overwhelmed and withdraws. I need to manage me and make him comfortable, but if I was not aware, I could make it worse and he can't handle and leaves. I would not know how to communicate that. Its in my subconcious.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

I agree, trust is important, but sometimes and I'm going to give an example: you have a partner that withdraws and in relationships you have pursuers (that want connection) and you have distancers that want connection but feel smothered as soon as they get it. Those wounds come from long before you are even conciously aware.
Depending on how parents treated us, so like me, I'm a pursuer(my mother was a good mother but when I was little I was expected to keep myself busy) so that would reluslts in wanting connection. Between ages from birth to 2. Are when my wounds happened.
So if I'm with a distancer he feels overwhelmed and withdraws. I need to manage me and make him comfortable, but if I was not aware, I could make it worse and he can't handle and leaves. I would not know how to communicate that. Its in my subconcious.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

Here is the link:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/pse5ga33u1ti4tb/AAAfMKpS5JgGY_6sgrFigqcTa?dl=0