Making the first move

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • May 27, 2023

Preference? I'd PREFER that they come to me. I tend to be quiet and observant in public more often than not, people find me intimidating because my face can be severe (the RBF is strong with this one) and I usually seem guarded. That said, approaching people is hard for me particularly if I've got nothing to say I just... Don't say anything which is completely normal for me unless there's an active conversation happening that I'm a part of. If someone has the guts to approach me I'm already going to be more impressed with them for trying to see past that. Online, I'm strictly friendly with people and would prefer that they only approach me in the same manner.

Steellover​(sub male) • May 28, 2023

As far as in person meetings, let's just say you see a woman at a bar, in pubic, at a party or social gathering, or somewhere in real life and want to get to start up a conversation. One thing I think a lot of guys get confused by is, you can sometimes mistake shyness for snootiness. And avoid initiating contact because you think she is being snooty and is putting off the "Stay away from me" vibe. When in fact, she is shy and simply waiting for a guy to make a move.

But you can also mistake snootiness for shyness. The other person avoids contact with you not because they are shy or they simply expects you to make the first move. But rather, because they really don't want to talk to you- for whatever reason. (Often times nothing to do with you.) And so you walk over and approach them, start up a conversation, hoping it will lead somewhere- and instead all you do is succeed in annoying them no matter how smooth, friendly, respectful, etc. your approach is.

And it can be very difficult to tell the difference between snootiness and shyness. You make this mistake a few times, and it changes how you approach first time meetings. It makes you much more conservative.

autisticbarbie • May 28, 2023

I think it's totally fine for anyone to approach anyone. I don't reach out to people typically, unless it is a female. I figure that the type of guy I'd have a good relationship with would want to pursue me. I don't want to take that from them, plus it's a good way to gage interest.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • May 29, 2023

I guess, to me, it all depends on what one calls "The first move".

If you talking about simply making contact, then I do not care what way it goes. Emails, coming to to either one at a meet or what have you, either side can make that move. Discussion has to start somewhere.

If you are talking about relationship wise (scening, playing, something more formal) , then they need to come to me to give themselves up.

However, if they don't, that means I have done something wrong. I have failed to inspire them to give themselves to me.

Daddyslittlebabydoll • Jun 20, 2023

I love this topic! I will give my opinion as an Alpha female (amongst women) who is also a very coy and Submissive woman when she is in the presence of men! It's a very interesting dynamic but nevertheless a very real personality trait.

As an alpha female I am a natural born leader! I am the initiator, the fire starter, I am the trailblazer who knows no bounds and the word "No" means absolutely nothing to me because I thrive off of my own agency and I always give myself permission no matter what anybody else says! So I'm already a "go-getter"! So if I really like someone who is making me feel hot and bothered as they say, whether he sees me first or not, I'm going to say hello and make myself known because I don't want to miss the opportunity! I will definitely get in his line of sight. I have no problem with this because I'm a woman who knows exactly what she wants and isn't afraid to go and get it!

On the other hand, I mostly like and would RATHER sit back and let men approach me. I like this even more because I love the primal nature of men wanting to chase me instead of me coming to them (the traditional roles). Me making the first move is only a move out of desperation or a fear of missing out and also a sign that I really like you! Even on this app I have reached out to men twice so far, but all the rest have come to me. But ultimately I want an alpha to be the initiator and come to me (make the first move), then I in turn will let my alpha female instincts submit to his alpha and allow him to take the lead. I love a good man who can lead me!

Kittenlikestocuddle

Steellover​(sub male) • Jun 21, 2023

So, so many women I've met over the years have been really turned off, and/or outright bothered, by guys who try to pursue them, that us guys...we get mixed messages as to whether it is okay to pursue women or not, or whether women in general want to be pursued or not. You say you do; and we guys appreciate that honesty. But when we try to pursue a women who doesn't want to be pursued, we get in real trouble, sometimes literally- so that makes a lot of us guys really gun-shy about doing so. Because we don't always know whether it's okay or not- and after a few times of getting in trouble, facing negative consequences, a lot of guys just stop trying. Many times in fact, I have avoided even showing interest in a woman I'm pursuing, or that I'm interested in, for fear of upsetting her or creeping her out. I basically wait for her to make the first move. In hindsight it sounds like playing a silly game, but when it's a game where you don't know the rules, or the rules keep changing, it can be frustrating from a guy's perspective.

Bunnie • Jun 21, 2023

I’m not particularly good at hiding my feelings, especially in person. Someone I’m interested in will know it lol, as I am a bit of a “fawn-er.” Having said that, I generally will make the first approach at actually asking for an opportunity to get to know each other as more than friends. There is always the worry of being rejected which is scary, however, a part of me likes the thought of them having that “upper hand” right from the get-go.