Physical attraction

Physical attraction is a requirement for me for continued chatting. Been through too many women that wanna chat without showing their face and form. Idc of that means I'm shallow, it's me.

Thanks for putting this conversation out there PandaGirl!

I feel that how you look is part of your identity, and the narrative that looks don't matter is ridiculous. To want to see a picture is a normal expectation not a shallow one. And that goes both ways.

Physical attraction is literally NEVER the first thing that draws me to someone.

I'm demisexual, sapiosexual, and deeply submissive.

Aesthetic attraction just doesn't rank as highly for me as other types of attraction.

For example:
- Jason Mamoa is hot.
- He exudes a kind of primal energy I like.
BUT, put me in a room with him, and I wouldn't know what to do with him. I'd be skittish... because without an emotional connection or intellectual connection... it wouldn't be enough.

Beauty fades. Other qualities will draw me before looks.

Plain and simple, I am a highly visual male. I have worked on making sure that I'm not "shallow" about it, and I am absolutely aware that beauty is only skin deep. (I'm also very aware that I'm not George Clooney or Bruce Willis, either!)

Having said that, it was a lot worse when I was younger. I know that there is such a thing as "gaydar"; and I think I had the hetero male version; in grade school I used to just walk into any room and instantly rank every girl from "hottest" to "ugly". (I was the loner & outcast, I never talked to a single one of those girls, anywhere on the scale, lol.)

Nowadays, and especially after the invention of the internet and digital communication, I can absolutely build a strong connection and bond without seeing a face or body. It truly doesn't matter what you look like, especially on the internet; if we're communicating in written and verbal form most of the time, then I can make lifelong friends, partners, etc. Then, if we met in person, I'd probably think you're "pretty enough" no matter what you look like, but I'm not entirely sure about that because I haven't tested the theory very much. Honestly, if it's 100% online, I don't know if that really counts?

IRL, I would say that physical attraction doesn't necessarily come first, but it's definitely a key component in both the act of falling totally in love, AND the sustainability of that passion.

All in all, nobody should over-think this too much. There are 8 billion people on the planet; there's going to be at least one billion people "within range" of wherever you fall on "the scale of attractive".

The thought of physical attraction can be intimidating because we are taught to be shallow about it. Physical attraction is such a personal experience -what is attractive to one person is not necessarily attractive to another. The qualities that a person is attracted to are influenced by upbringing, life experiences and culture.

We use our appearance, especially clothing, to signal messages such as social class, values, interests, and cultural or religious affiliation, but we can fall into the trap of making false assumptions about a person based on their appearance.

Physical attraction is important and there is nothing wrong with being attracted to a specific type of person but it's also nice to interrogate why one is attracted to the qualities that they are attracted to.

None of the Doms that I have been with this past year have been people who I would date in person and it's not because I think that they are not attractive, but because their appearance would bring up preconceived ideas about people who look like them, if I met them in real life, whether it is being intimidated, not running in the same social circles or because of prejudiced ideas that I hold. However, the experience of getting to know people beyond their appearance has been incredibly rewarding and eye-opening for me. I know that they probably would not date me either in person and that is okay.

As a plus-sized woman, I used to think that I was not allowed to have preferences or that physical attraction was shallow but now I realise that physical appearance is the first indicator of a person's personality. However, physical appearance needs to be backed up by a good personality. It doesn't mean that I am looking for a Taye Diggs or a Javier Bardem, but there are indicators that I am looking for that are incredibly attractive to me, but they may not be conventional.