Are doms always tops??? ⬆ (and subs bottoms) ⬇

I can be convinced to agree with this, but perhaps it's not as comprehensive as it could be. If we move this to mindsets, then it is not just the Dom's that would matter.

It should be so in the perceptible mindsets of all those involved, or something like that.

And in such a case, the responsibility to guide the minds of those in the scene would be the Dom's.

You can have whatever mindset you want, but if those around you perceive things differently, and you're supposed to be on the same page with these people, then that can cause or indicate several issues.

As someone who is a dominant side - I can categorically say no! I actually don’t like anal sex much at all. I could never bottom due to the fact I have Crohn’s disease! And topping is ok but not nearly as satisfying as being sucked off by a sub on his knees! (Especially in full footy kit!) - divine!

That's all well and good--but that's not what is being discussed here. Pegging was just used as an example. I'm not into that either, but personal preference of what specific thing you want done to you wasn't the issue as I see it.

I think this might be an issue of semantics. I have gay friends who use the word "bottoming" when describing being on the receiving end of anal sex. I could be wrong but knowing that's what my friends call anal sex it's what I took away from that comment.

I just want to say thank you to the OP and to all who've responded to this thread, as this is something I wondered about, and truthfully was concerned about as a Dom new to the lifestyle. It was very informative and illuminating seeing the different opinions and answers you all shared. Cheers to you all.

A Dom is a Dom as long as He is in control.
A sub is a sub as long as she is relinquishing control.
It is nothing to do with who is active and who is in receipt of activity, or who is doing what to whom. It is all about control.

When the possession of control changes hands, then we have switches.

It’s really simple.

(I’m assuming Top in this thread refers to Dom and bottom refers to sub)

The way I learned it:

Dominant: gives the orders / final say in most of the relationship
Submissive: acts on the orders / only option is to safeword out or end relationship

Top: active partner who is doing The Thing and is responsible for the Bottom's safety
Bottom: receptive partner regarding The Thing, whose safety is a primary concern

Therefore, a Dominant who wants to receive some nice, relaxing oral sex is bottoming to the Submissive, whose TEETH are down there and therefore who is doing The Thing and responsible for the Dominant's safety.

The same with massage, grooming, or other acts where the Submissive partner is performing an act on the Dominant that could lead to injury.

Can a Dominant be a masochist? Yup. They could order the Submissive to give them 20 swats or strikes or bites or whatever, no more than 20, at a certain intensity, on certain parts of the body. Can a Submissive be a sadist? Why not? I've certainly met enough of them. Sounds like a perfect pairing to me.

In general, many people I've met have primarily a Dominant / Top and Submissive / Bottom relationship. I've seen Submissives and Bottoms who twitch and tremble at the idea of having to hit another Submissive at the encouragement of various Dominants.

I know one one Dominant Top in our local community who will periodically, and quite publicly, bottom for what he calls a "therapeutic beating" from multiple Tops. He doesn't seem to have lost any respect from his peers for this, so it doesn't seem to be that big of a deal.

I know another shirt, wiry Dominant Top who actually giggles when he talks about how his big Submissive girls will wrestle him into bed and "force" him to rest when he's feeling under the weather: he simply issues threats about what he'll do to them later for disobeying him.

The number of Dominants who've contacted me wanting to bottom or submit suggests to me that there's far more variation than just what we see in the dungeon or at munches. And the number of Submissives I've met who've suddenly attempted to take control of play or the relationship away from me is also notable.

I think that, when seeking a partner, one should be careful to ask questions along these lines in order to get an idea of who this person is along the Dominant / Submissive / Top / Bottom universe. Including such questions in initial negotiations may either lead to some pleasant discoveries, or fewer nasty surprises, down the road.

I honestly don't understand how you consider a dominant receiving oral sex or any other type of *service* from a submissive as bottoming to the sub. Do you consider a customer at a restaurant (for instance) as being the receptive party who has relinquished control to the wait-person? ??

A Dom who is deep throating a sub with His cock choking her, while her teeth around it is not bottoming at all. Should my teeth touch my Master’s cock im either choked until I vomit or receive a swift smack around the face (both of which I fully consent to). Whatever I am doing my Master is in control. I don’t understand your thinking in this regard.

It isn’t about giving and receiving. It’s about control.

Further, the Dom who enjoys therapeutic beatings is a switch, He is giving up control to other Doms. The sub who genuinely wants to take control is either trying to Top from the bottom, for which I personally would be punished, or they are a switch.

Given that I have dietary restrictions that would cause illness if my requests aren't properly given to the cooking staff, yes, kinda.

I've also heard horror stories about what happens in a restaurant kitchen if a customer is less than polite to the staff. eek.



Which is also not a scenario I suggested: I said the dominant - of whatever gender - was laying back and relaxing.

I'm not saying that a Dominant always bottoms and that a Submissive always tops, I'm saying that it can happen, and perhaps more often than people think.