Carpophorus
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5 years ago •
Nov 10, 2019
There are a lot of hurt feelings and projections in this thread.
Semantics and the definition of dominance and submission won't help here because the reality of the terms are much more violent then any of you may care to entertain. Dominance and submission can be accomplished by force, technically speaking. The meaning of the words in terms of BDSM are much more fluid and are entirely dependent on cooperation. Both sides of the argument seem to be making the same mistake of adopting a "my way is the right way, your way is the wrong way. " stance. Need I remind any of you of the more "extreme" ends of the spectrum? What with the slaves and cattlegirls? Shaved heads and nights at the ranch? What if they want to be meek, weak and needy? What if they want to be treated a way you would consider subhuman? Or their tolerance of abuse and harm is different from yours? Are their wants and experiences the "wrong" way? This is the problem with attempting to regulate and qualify an almost exclusively personal experience. None of you speak the truth and you know it. The only thing that can be argued is that it is common for people to enter the community very obviously not understanding it. It is fair to not want someone who submits only when it is convenient to their sensibilities. But, it is also fair to be that person and only submit when you're comfortable. People just need to find their match, NOT try to create a standard that fits their narrative. |
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Online now
Fyglia Wicked(dom female)
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5 years ago •
Nov 10, 2019
On the plush side your red flags are obvious and abundant. Domboi You sound like every angry nilla boy who tries to play Dom 🙄..
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ShyDawn(sub female){Taken}
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5 years ago •
Nov 11, 2019
Wow.... just wow...
There are as many definitions of submissives as there are people. Not one "true" submissive becomes everyone is different. I'm sorry but I, as a learning submissive, would never submit to you. |
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ropefish
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5 years ago •
Nov 11, 2019
The Wild One wrote: There are a lot of hurt feelings and projections in this thread.
Semantics and the definition of dominance and submission won't help here because the reality of the terms are much more violent then any of you may care to entertain. Dominance and submission can be accomplished by force, technically speaking. The meaning of the words in terms of BDSM are much more fluid and are entirely dependent on cooperation. Both sides of the argument seem to be making the same mistake of adopting a "my way is the right way, your way is the wrong way. " stance. Need I remind any of you of the more "extreme" ends of the spectrum? What with the slaves and cattlegirls? Shaved heads and nights at the ranch? What if they want to be meek, weak and needy? What if they want to be treated a way you would consider subhuman? Or their tolerance of abuse and harm is different from yours? Are their wants and experiences the "wrong" way? This is the problem with attempting to regulate and qualify an almost exclusively personal experience. None of you speak the truth and you know it. The only thing that can be argued is that it is common for people to enter the community very obviously not understanding it. It is fair to not want someone who submits only when it is convenient to their sensibilities. But, it is also fair to be that person and only submit when you're comfortable. People just need to find their match, NOT try to create a standard that fits their narrative. The semantics though are what's got people triggered. OP is stating that if you submit when it is convenient for you, you are not truly submitting and should not call yourself a submissive. He's telling myself and many others that we are not 'real submissives'. So of course we're going to be upset. OP is entitled to his opinion, and it's completely fine if he doesn't consider me a real submissive. I don't want to submit to him, so it doesn't matter at the end of the day. But what he's done is decided to share that opinion and solicit responses on a forum. And he got what he asked for. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"... right? It seems to me he doesn't know how to voice a disagreeing opinion without directly insulting others, which is why he got the reaction that he did. |
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Miki(masochist female)
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5 years ago •
Nov 11, 2019
Re: Do True Subs exist anymore? Chris Shawn wrote: It needs to be said.
Everyone is entitled to be who they want and deserves the relationship they seek... but I'm sick of "subs" who want to re-define what it means to be submissive so loosely that they're barely submissive anymore. If you aren't willing to give full consent, then you probably aren't with a Dom you can trust and should go find someone else. If you think "bratty" means you are allowed to act unwilling and uninterested you aren't a submissive, at least not a very good one. Find the master who is right for you and submit yourself fully to someone who could take advantage in the worst ways but you trust not to do so. Then call yourself a sub. Giving up control in the bedroom is 100% of every women I've ever been with. Just because you like a man to take the lead doesn't make you a submissive. That's obvious natural, socially accepted, and indoctrinated behavior. I don't care who I've offended. I speak truth and you know it. Totally not offended, but do you a favor.. Don't fall for Analysis Paralysis.. It so limits everyone. |
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Srbearcat
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5 years ago •
Nov 11, 2019
Interesting thought here!
I live in very liberal WA state and the notion of submitting is a hard concept for most woman here. If they do, they fedl they have lost their power, but in submission you gain everything. The fake liberals are just wasting away. Needing that Dominance to help them. |
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XlonelystarmeowO(neither female){Not Lookin}
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5 years ago •
Nov 12, 2019
Hmmm well I've read the 5 page full of comments and luckily for everyone I just saw super funny movie on Netflix so my feelings DID NOT get stuck on the words "real" or "true". Well, the OP has a point...as does everyone else... yes we are all different.. not cut from the same cloth.. OP can't be dictating the truth around here blah blah blah... but everyone is talking from an emotional perspective to include OP. Let's put all emotions aside an examine this from an analytical standpoint.
So, if the Subs that OP is talking about are not real and true then that could also raise the question (as some already pointed out), well are Doms even real and true too? Leading to an untrue statement like: "If all Subs are real, then all Doms must be real too" OR "If all Doms are fake, then all Subs must be fake too" OR "If all Subs are real, then all Doms must be fake" These are an untrue statements because that would include 100% of the Sub/Dom population.... far and beyond this site. So, in reality there are real and fake subs... which the same could be said about Doms. The Sub/Dom population can be categorized with so many subcategories... some of which you all pointed out yourselves... feminism... being bratty... the dynamic of the relationship at hand... etc. So, now we come down to the technical definition of Sub and Dom... and I think this is where the dilemma begins... everyone simply has their own personal opinion on these terms, not technical whatsoever.... hence the disagreement... and borderline attack on somebody's feelings because that is what the original statement was... followed by a bunch of other emotional statements.... all with an amount of validity nonetheless. Kiss. 😽 This would also lead to skewed results so before anything the technical definition of Dom & Sub needs* to be defined as a baseline as with any sort of test. I've noticed that "real" Doms want their Sub to come to them, I personally see this as a real Dom/Sub dynamic. Now let me give you my personal example... do you know how many Doms have approached me via message to start one of these dynamics? Of course, I'm not measuring them any less than true but I think for a real Dom/Sub dynamic, the Sub has to HUNT especially if they wanna establish the initial submission stage... but I like both.... but I prefer to hunt. 😏 Anyway... Also, there some things I don't understand like why would people stick around the site to fill everyone else in on their Dominance/Submission lives? That is something I do not consider a real Sub/Dom dynamic.... and before you call me out, I'm on a break (besides I plan to delete my account after my research). Or the fine line between just sex for the sake of sex (like porn) and BDSM... some people tend to treat this community as such which is quite frankly a turn off. I think your best bet is finding a noob in the street and molding them to your liking (noobs on this site don't count because they made it this far).. it's so much easier to find someone going out that online in my opinion.... it eliminates all those weird questions like "can I have a picture"... "how tall are you"... "what the hell happened to your hair"... "oh I'm not that interested anymore". Ultimately, making this place an illusion just like with any other social media site and heavily superficial. Anyway... There has to be a baseline to prove who is really right or wrong. There's simply no baseline and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and sentiment. Kiss. Meow. 😽 |
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BabyGirl ka'jer'a(sub female){collared (}
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5 years ago •
Nov 12, 2019
So, generally speaking from my own training & studies within the bdsm lifestyle; a submissive is different from a slave. While a slave is expected to submit 100% in every way his/her dominant desires, a submissive has more leeway generally speaking...a slave only has what limits their dominant allows them, while a submissive can choose their personal limits...a slave is viewed as owned property, with only what "free will" their owner grants/allows them; while a submissive typically has significantly more freedom to do as they please with little risk of punishment compared to a slave...slaves anticipate stricter guidelines, expectations, & punishments than submissives typically...one must have a very naturally submissive personality to successfully handle the life of a slave but one can have a less submissive nature & still be a submissive....
On the same token, from experience, not all in the lifestyle who claim to be dominant are honestly a dominant...i've personally had men claim to be a dom yet have no clue how to be a dom at all...when a submissive or slave can ultimately manipulate the "dom" to get what they want, he/she is not a dom...when they physically/mentally/sexually/financially abuse another using the lifestyle as an excuse to justify said behavior, they are not a dominant at all...and if the "dom" needs to be "taught" or "trained" how to dominate a submissive/slave, they are not a dom...these total newbies to the lifestyle who claim to be dominant yet in also claim to be willing to learn honestly have no place (in my humble opinion as a collared slave) proclaiming to be dominant...the best way to learn how to be a dominant truly is to first be trained as a submissive & learn from a dominant how to be a dominant in the first place...even in the "vanilla world" you have to learn to follow before you learn to lead 😉.... The truth of the matter is that it has become more & more common for people to who are curious about the bdsm lifestyle to basically try to jump in feet first with very little studying to actually know what exactly the lifestyle is about; they believe it's primarily about kinky sex & that's it...if you're just looking for kinky sex, the lifestyle really isn't your best option, seriously...because the bdsm lifestyle is exactly that to those who truly understand it, a lifestyle...those who understand the full nature of the bdsm lifestyle live & practice it in literally every aspect of their lives...while not everyone around them may realize it, a Master/slave or Dom/sub couple get to a point where the slave/sub knows exactly what their Master/Dom wants with a simple look or some type of non-verbal cue; a sub/slave may exhibit their submission to their Dom/Master by the way they address Them, the way they walk with Them, by serving Their plate or drink before their own or waiting to drink/eat until their Dom/Master begins eating/drinking, by submitting to their Dom/Master order their meal in a restaurant, etc... My point is, that while the original poster's question may be valid, on the same token one could just as easily ask the same question regarding dominants...this is because as the bdsm lifestyle seems to have become somewhat more popular & less of a lifestyle that was once kept very secret from "outsiders", it has also become more subject to individuals proclaiming to be in a specific "role" within the lifestyle without truly understanding the lifestyle in the first place.... Think of it this way, there's a difference between being bi-curious vs bisexual...you may be curious about the idea of being with someone of the same gender as you, but if you don't ever actually get sexually involve with someone of the same gender as you then yo can't actually say you are bisexual since you don't honestly know what its about or how it works...in a similar way, you can be curious about the bdsm lifestyle, perhaps enjoy some of the various fetishes/kinks commonly practiced within the lifestyle, but unless you take the time to actually study, research, & be trained in the lifestyle then it's kind of deceitful to claim to actually be into the lifestyle...you can be a "kinkster" without being in the bdsm lifestyle, but understand that if you are truly in the bdsm lifestyle you can also anticipate some kinkiness to be involved in things as well... *please note: this is simply the humble opinion of this collared slave who was not only raised amongst the lifestyle (or at least teachings of it) but has also been trained & studied many aspects of the lifestyle including but not limited to the gorean lifestyle, bdsm lifestyle in general, bdsm as a part-time lifestyle, & bdsm lifestyle 24/7...others may not agree with part or all of what i have stated here, and that's their right... (Please excuse any typos as i'm too tired to go through & do a spell check right now) |
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Fyglia Wicked(dom female)
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5 years ago •
Nov 12, 2019
This has been a very educational thread for you hope you did yourself a favor and do some major self reflection and go do more research on BDSM..
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MsEbonyAngela(dom female){Looking to}
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5 years ago •
Nov 13, 2019
I think the available submives are not in California anymore, or at least not in the bay area lol
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