Things you wished you knew when you started out?

Things you wished you knew when you started out?

JayJayBaby • Apr 10, 2019

Hello everyone!! I’m pretty new to this community and I just wanted to hear from all of you. What is one thing (or possibly more) you wished you knew when you first joined this community/ lifestyle?

Hope to hear from a bunch of you (:

Low{BLK OWND} • Apr 10, 2019

That it is very very easy to fall in love

NJourney​(sub female) • Apr 10, 2019

BEWARE of FAKES and Catfishes!
Do Not share pictures that you wouldn't want your parents to see.
D/s takes time to develop so do not jump in to a relationship without getting to know the person and without them getting to know YOU.
Communication is EVERYTHING!
Relax and have fun, just be cautious.
Take it slow, this isn't a race and you have lots to learn and explore.
Find friends. Other subs if that's what you are. People with similar interests. And do not be afraid to reach out to make friends.

No

the elf • Apr 10, 2019

Don't mistake love for loneliness, loyalty, comfort, lust, incredible sex or curiosity or.. just starting to see each other as the “default” option.

Also, this is a treasure chest of situations where you travel distances to enjoy a week-long seemingly perfect slice of a relationship without *really* *knowing* that other person! And it almost always leads to the uneasy period where you try to prolong something that shouldn't be maintained for long periods of time, as it usually consists of unhealthy practices.

Bunnie • Apr 10, 2019

Although it seems like another world... it’s still just people.

Savida​(other female) • Apr 10, 2019

The things I wish someone had told me, or things I wish I had listened to....

Nice, attractive, makes you feel good, high initial chemistry and fun doesn’t mean good or good for you in the long run and it’s often worth the struggle of being more patient and waiting a bit to find out.

Finding out if someone is actually good at the core requires more than looking at the surface.

If you feel uneasy about something, don’t do it. Step back, think about it...there’s always another day or time to play or try or do that thing. Even if everything else is how you like it to be, your unease is trying to tell you something. At least take a second to listen to it before plowing ahead.

Being smart, strong, experienced, or good doesn’t mean your decisions are automatically good. You can mess up just like anyone else, so you still have to pay attention and think about what you’re soing.

You can always say no and you can always change your mind. Always.

At some point you’re going to fuck something up. You’re human and this can all be confusing. Be compassionate with yourself and learn from your mistakes.

Make friends with someone who cares about you but has zero interest in having sex with or playing with you, that’s an important source of back up!

Don’t let your body override your mind if youre someone to whom physical contact means more than pleasurable sensation.

Try to get to know people and set boundaries and establish more of a connection with people you play with initially. You’ll know over time if you need that level of connection or not, but if you’re the kind that does need it and you don’t get it...man that sucks. Speaking from experience as someone who does need that.

Play and sex aren’t the same. They don’t have to be combined if you don’t want them to. If you do, then be safe and careful. Safe play means more play!

And....

Have fun! Yes there’s a lot here that’s serious and that we should be careful about, it can be a roller coaster ride, but it’s also often a damn good time.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Apr 10, 2019

My Sir tasked me with writing a blog about this exact topic... Here's the highlight reel:

WHAT I WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME:


1. Subfrenzy is real. No one will protect you from it. Recognize it and protect yourself.
2. You should never, EVER submit to someone you don’t know REALLY well...but you will have your motives questioned when you don’t. *cough* you’renotaREALsub *cough*
3. There’s no such thing as “not submissive enough.” Only “not compatible with my expectations.”
4. Listen to people willing to offer advice, but be careful whose advice you buy.
5. Say “no.” Say it again. Say it early. Say it often. If you can't, run.
6. You can’t mentally or emotionally prepare for how deep these relationships can get.
7. It’s going to feel overwhelming some days. You’re going to experience a plethora of emotions that aren’t going to feel like they have a place. Just let it happen, and don’t stop communicating.
8. You’re still allowed to be human.
9. Subdrop can make you feel like you’re dying. Or worse, like you aren’t. But it’s an excuse to eat chocolate.
10. You’re going to feel like you have no idea who you are sometimes. It’s because you don’t. And that’s ok. You’re allowed to be fluid and ever-evolving.
11. You’re going to feel like a crazy person most of the time.
12. You’re going to feel needy and want to cling. Just roll with it.

Low{BLK OWND} • Apr 12, 2019

Sorry I don't mistake love for any other emotion situation or feeling
At this point in my life I know what it is and what it is not

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 12, 2019

That safewords exist for a reason.

Something I wish I knew

KittenKatt • Apr 12, 2019

That a lot of men lie and lie a lot. They will tell you partial truths but after doing some digging you realize they lied.