My NSA Dom

My NSA Dom

fluttergirlsub{Uncollared} • Apr 30, 2019

Ok, I'm very new to this lifestyle and I'm learning all that I can, but still have questions. I know a few Doms and have picked their brains a little to get feed back and insight. Here is the situation:

I met my Dom almost four months ago, we started this whole "thing" with the realization that it was of a purely sexual nature. Initially he was coming out of a LTR, where his collared sub broke his heart and left him for someone else. He made it clear that he didn't want another FT live in sub, also stated he did not want a "relationship". I understand this and don't push the issue. Fast forward, without noticing right away, he has become my Dom. I get tasks to complete, tests to go through and he himself has said, "I'm claiming you, but little by little I will do that. In time there will be more." He said I have "his protection" and that he is very well pleased with me. Very satisfied and excited for more. He has softened over time and will even cuddle or rub my back. Keep in mind this is a man that is a powerlifter at 6ft tall and 300lbs. He shows little to no emotion so him cuddling is major. The few Doms that I know seem to think he is about to collar me. I'm aware of what that means, I'm not seeking that, but if it happened over time, that would be something to consider. I don't think he will collar me. I also wonder why I'm getting tests, tasks and more since he already stated he did not want a sub. See what I'm saying? If it's just sex he ain't going to issue things for me to do. If his goal is to have a sub then yes, I can understand the tests and tasks. He also has changed and now says he isn't against a relationship but not focused on it. The other day he reminded me that I've not been "released yet!"

What do you all think? Am I becoming his sub or just a sex type thing?

Bunnie • Apr 30, 2019

Hi @ fluttergirlsub,

It sounds like it’s time for “the talk.” We can all tell you what it sounds like to us, but none of us truly know, because we’re not him.

As scary as it is to “rock the boat” and ask where things stand... often for fear of hearing an answer we don’t want to hear... the thing to remember is that part of the foundation you’re building together (whether casual or something more), is open, honest communication, with the ability to approach each other and talk about anything and everything that comes up.

My advice? Talk with him. Show him this forum. Explain your confusion. As scary as it is, try to share your feelings and hopes. I’m all about transparency.

Good luck, I hope you both find what works

fluttergirlsub{Uncollared} • Apr 30, 2019

Tyvm, I think I will do just that.

notsounsureanymore • Apr 30, 2019

A conversation is needed, any good dynamic has to be based on communication so he needs to be willing to do this otherwise it won’t work.
If he can’t communicate and settle your questions then it would be a red flag for me about the future.
I hope you get your answers, stay strong and mindful of your own needs.

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2019

Few questions for you to consider yourself, before you ask the important questions to him.

Did it seem like your relationship , and that’s what this is a relationship/dynamic, was a rebound? Did it seem to go too fast, or did it seem evenly paced?

The phrase I use when a submissive person says “I am not your sub” buuutt goes out of their way to do small stupid tasks for you: “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck...it most certainly isn’t a goose!”

Sometimes people dislike labeling things, especially the young and the hurt. Cause at times labeling is a sign of commitment, you keep it just out of arms reach and enjoy all the benefits without being placed into the compartment.

Just a few of my ideas on the subject. I agree, time for a talk.