Polyamorous relationships

Polyamorous relationships

Liliac​(sub female) • Jun 29, 2019

Hi.
Just wanted to ask a very personal question which I never do but..I have nowhere to ask.

So I have never really thought of being in a poly relationship but as fate would have me, I met a guy, online for now. He is an amazing person and he was really honest and upfront about his poly status from the start. He didn't even pursue me because I told him I am not sure about being with a man in a poly relationship.But as we just talk, I didn't mean to but I kind of fell for him and now I am in a dilemma. I know that eventually I would want to find a man who can devote to me 100%. He knows it too. He even told me he knows he has a limited time with me because I deserve better and I will find better(which is baloony since he is awesome, just married). He said it's my choice because he is too selfish to let me go.

What do you think I should do? Should I just let it go because I am afraid I would break his heart and mine in the future? Or do you think I should just live in the moment and just plunge in? I am scared if I let it go, I would regret it for the rest of my life or if I take the plunge, we would fall deep into each other and that would lead to heartbreak. (His wife is pretty ok with everything btw, so the problem is only me.)

ZaftigV​(switch female){sub matt} • Jun 29, 2019

“I know that eventually I would want to find a man who can devote to me 100%. He knows it too.”

There is your answer. I doubt it will end well, if you both continue. Just my 2 cents. I’m poly and due to a similar situation do not enter relationships with anyone who identifies as mono now.

Good luck on your journey!

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • Jun 29, 2019

You shouldn't let this opportunity slip away from you. If you really like him that much, you should just do it. Maybe you'll discover you actually could be poly. I could totally see myself being poly, but due to my religious beliefs, I don't let myself live that way. As long as you're not violating your concious, you should totally do it. If/when you find someone you like even more, you'll have to either leave this guy or maybe you'll find out you can be poly too. Good luck dear!

I know this one!! 🙋🏼‍♀️

Miss Tam​(dom female) • Jul 1, 2019

“wanted to ask a very personal question which I never do.” To be poly you’re going to need to overcome this. You need to be able to ask personal questions of your partners. Including the wife.

“So I have never really thought...then I met a guy.” That’s how it started for all of us

“I know that eventually I would want to find a man who can devote to me 100%.” Of course. This man probably won’t become your husband. But, think about it, the last three men you dated didn’t become your husband either. That said, your respect for commitment demands that you know the wife’s true position. (“Pretty okay”?) And respect it.

“He even told me I deserve better and I will find better.” Trust a man when he says you deserve better.

“What do you think I should do?” Research.

“I am afraid I would break his heart and mine in the future?” There’s a good chance you’re going to break the next guy’s heart, too. Might as well overcome this fear now.

“Or do you think I should just plunge in?” No. Not until you ask the hard questions, embrace your kink, set your boundaries, know him better, do research, and intentionally take a risk.

Liliac​(sub female) • Jul 1, 2019

Thank you everyone for your input. I will do more research. I have already planned to talk to his wife, try to understand more and also research more by myself. I will not rush into anything of course. Will talk to him more about this matter, be open with him about everything and then I will make a decision. Thank you so much for your answers. I will take that all in mind.

DC Daddy​(dom male) • Jul 1, 2019

Your profile makes it sound like you need to embark on a journey of exploration and growth. It's a safe bet that that journey will leave you a better partner for, and better able to identify, the 100% committed life partner you say you ultimately want. It's also a (fairly) safe bet that the man who leads you on that journey will not be a terrific fit as your long-term 100% man. You are young with limited experience and a lot's of wonderful experiences (and men) ahead of you. Go get that experience. Your "partner" will appear when the time is right and you are ready. None of this is to say that this situation is right or wrong for you. You're more than equipped to figure that out for yourself. It's just to suggest that you focus on your next step and finding what you need to enable it vs. holding yourself hostage to an ideal.

Good luck and have fun!