Privilege

Privilege

Auburn Baby​(sub female){Married} • Jul 6, 2019

I feel like the idea of privilege within this lifestyle and community is often overlooked. I find myself very privileged compared to others I know in this lifestyle. I’m mostly looking at monetary and geographic privilege.

I know people who have to save and scrape to make it to an event every few months. My husband and I can afford to go to two a month and not have to travel very far to attend. We are fortunate enough to live in one metropolitan area and reasonably close to another. We have friends who travel over an hour to make it to the same events that are a fifteen minute drive from our house.

I know others in more remote and conservative parts of the country who don’t really have a community outside of the internet. I couldn’t imagine navigating this lifestyle without the support of a live community of friends and an incredibly grateful for the amazing people I’ve met in my community as well as online.

When I have attended events in our local play space, I’ve seen people judging other people’s equipment and offering suggestions for better alternatives. While this may seem helpful, it can also be minimizing and embarrassing. Not everyone can afford high quality equipment and they don’t need to be reminded of that when they decide to play in public.

I’m not looking to call anyone out or make anyone feel guilty, but it is something we should all consider if we are privileged enough to enjoy this lifestyle mostly on our terms when it comes to enjoying the community, equipment and events. I have a lot of friends who’s monetary woes or remote locations keep them cut off from enjoying this lifestyle the way they would like to and I’ve had to really check myself and make sure that I’m being sensitive to them.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 6, 2019

I understand what you are trying to say. However, in regards to equipment, one doesn't "need" any equipment per se. You can really get by in most cases with a hand or some cast off rope, etc. Now sure, I get that it's alluring to have expensive toys and I'm just as guilty as the next. However, I don't "need" them, I "want" them.

Now your point about being in rural or conservative areas is a very good one. Most of us do not have the means or ability/desire to uproot ourselves or families to move to somewhere where the environment may be "better." But, again this is where these websites can really help, help them meet like-minded individuals, learn and connect with other resources they otherwise would otherwise not have access to. So yes, I agree with your "privilege" thought process to a degree. But, I also know that where there is a kinky will, there is a kinky way! People can and will make it happen!

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jul 7, 2019

I agree 100%


One of the things that absolutely frustrated me when I began BDSM was that the books were all a financial lifestyle that I will never achieve.

People renting out entire movie theaters to have big BDSM balls or hotels to have a birthday bash. It was extremely frustrating.


When I started writing "Ms for the rest of us" the financial part of BDSM absolutely was a driver in that. I wanted to write a book that I could actually financially relate to.


How do you take good care of your toys when you live in an apartment and you can't put holes in the walls?


How do you advance your skills on one-to-one learning when you can't afford any of the classes? And forget having a house on a hill with five different dungeon spaces.



Thank you for writing this.