The Day Collar

The Day Collar

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2020

This is probably going to rattle some traditional Doms and Subs but its not meant to. Talking with little last night and keep in mind I only go back to see her now every 45 days due to my travel. She asked about her collar. She pretty much asks everyday about her day collar. She has her training collar that she uses at home but she brought up a good point to me. She doesn’t want to use a collar in public because she feels its broadcasting to other Doms that she is a sub. I realize there is a code of Doms not trying to steal away or rape other Doms subs but her point was that it was probably a Dom that came up with the Day collar so they can try to take advantage of a sub when they see one. The men in Brasil are very aggressive just the vanillas so I was wondering what others Doms or subs thought of this why wear a collar that broadcasts your a sub publicly to other Doms to prey on the sub.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2020

'This is probably going to rattle some traditional Doms and Subs but its not meant to. Talking with little last night and keep in mind I only go back to see her now every 45 days due to my travel. She asked about her collar. She pretty much asks everyday about her day collar. She has her training collar that she uses at home but she brought up a good point to me. She doesn’t want to use a collar in public because she feels its broadcasting to other Doms that she is a sub. '

How? A day collar can be anything from a simple plain braclet to a piercing, a ring, anything that is a symbol of the dynamic. There is no 'one true' way regarding what this is, what it has to be. No internationally recognizable object, prescribed from on high, by the bdsm elder gods, that all true followers can at an instant know what it is, a brand of being a kinkster and a sub . It can be anything, whatever is decided, and it does not have to signal anything or look like anything to do with bdsm just a private symbol of a relationship.


'I realize there is a code of Doms not trying to steal away or rape other Doms subs but her point was that it was probably a Dom that came up with the Day collar so they can try to take advantage of a sub when they see one.'

'Steal away'. A sub is not property, if they are not happy and wish to end a dynamic they have every right to do so, either via a protocol or just leave. So they can't be stolen, thrown over the shoulder and carried off. Yes its not nice for hunters to go trying to break up healthy, happy relationships, though in my experience these hunters can be subs just as often as they are doms. However end of the day no one in bdsm is actual property or owned, if someone is unhappy and decides to leave and enter another dynamic that is just one of those things, and they are free to do so. On going consent is required for a relationship to continue. Once that ends, thats that.

The rape comment is very disturbing. Are you being serious? The actual bdsm world is not some computer game where women are carried off and raped, like vikings raiding some village. Do rapes happen in bdsm? Sadly yes, as do other violations of consent, but more often its people subs know, have played with already, rather than total strangers or raiding parties of doms.

Really, sighs. I doubt anyone can say where exactly the idea of a day collar came from, but considering the romance and romantic nature of one its more likely to have been a female sub that did, not some evil male dom. I think it entirely possible that you walked past a sub today, male or female wearing a day collar and had not a single clue you had. Anyone assuming anyone wearing a collar, choker is a sub, is on a very slippery slope. Many people not into bdsm or even knowing anything about bdsm will wear fashion items that look like bdsm items. This world isn't Gor.


'The men in Brasil are very aggressive just the vanillas so I was wondering what others Doms or subs thought of this why wear a collar that broadcasts your a sub publicly to other Doms to prey on the sub.'

As said above a day collar, does not have to be obvious, it can be anything, so no one except those who know will know. I find it a some what disturbing comment that 'the men of Brazil are aggressive' that reads as a racist comment because it labels all men who are Brazilian as being aggressive rapists, and Brazillian dominants as being worse, how your words read. This is an extremely problematic comment, for reasons I hope I don't need to explain.

Really shocked by your post and I am no 'traditional dominant'.

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2020

A big issue is that most ppl here even though there is an international community here its mostly first world countries. They have no idea what living in the murder and rape capitol of the world is like or have never left there country other than a holiday for a week or two So of course I respect your opinions it is just a forum on the danger that my little feels regarding using a day collar in public. If it can be anything a pierced nose ring then whats the point. I was just wondering what others thought regarding the overall danger of it but I guess i should have figured it may be taken out of context as the USA is disneyland compared to most countries. My little is 110 pounds and maybe five feet tall. Gang rape in the streets and on the public bus for example in broad daylight is common in Brasil similar to India we don’t go outside after dark for example. Of the 50 most dangerous cities in the world 25 are in Brasil, your safer in bagdad or damascus syria that rio de janeiro for example. Although i do respect the effort you put into your response its not even close to the point I was talking about. Of course we could move to spain or another civilized country I suppose thats always an option.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2020

A day collar, is any item, anything, that the dom and sub agree, is to symbolise their dynamic in vanilla day to day settings, how will anyone else know what that is, or be able to recognise what it is, unless its a big thick black leather collar with writing on saying the wearer is a sub. So by wearing anything that is not screaming bdsm where is the risk? There is none. So this isn't about first world privilege etc its about your post being completely ridiculous. I am well aware of the crime in other parts of the world, and the risks people take day today. It seems to me that any woman or man is at risk and there is nothing to place your sub at risk more so than anyone else if what is chosen to be a 'day collar' is not obviously an item of bdsm. You don't seem to be getting that, a day collar does not even have to be an actual collar. Nowhere does it say it does, it can be anything.

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2020

Ok thanks for your response I will get her a candy necklace hahaha im sure she will wear that in public

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2020

Yes, simple, any possible problems solved.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jan 17, 2020

Ok here is a subs point of veiw.

Frist let me state that I am a army vet and fully know and understand the dangers within other countries.

Seconding. As DM stated a day collar ( if even woren.) Does not need to be a leather or chain actual collar ( such as a dog collar would be) . i infact know and have many friends that are subs that wear a simple necklace, and also have a few friends that were anklets as a day collar.

And as far as ur candy necklace statement . that i feel was so uncalled for and just rude for not crasping what was behind ( oopps wait , what was actually ) said it can be anything and yes even a pierceing can be that. If it was picked out by said "dom" for said "sub" and given as such.

My suggestion is to truely understand it s not the item but the meaning . and just get her a simple necklace and charm ( with the charm being something that means sonething special to you two) .

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jan 17, 2020

From what I’ve read on various blogs about collars the agreement has always been across the board, that what the physical collar is is not relevant. All that matters is that there is meaning to the Dom and sub.

I do think it’s a little unfair to assume that someone doesn’t “understand,” for many of us just being female is enough for us to “understand” the dangers of the world probably more so than you do; not to mention you have no idea about people travels or lives.

So with your logic anything she wears would be unsafe so in that sense she shouldn’t wear anything even the candy necklace.

Bunnie • Jan 18, 2020

@ Daddy Time,

Your little (and yourself) bring up a point that I’ve never considered before. And a valid one I believe. I can fully see how in some places this would stand out and potentially be seen as “advertising” in a way that may make others feel entitled to “help themselves.”

I would love to hear if you both decide on a solution.

Sami A​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2020

I am not fond of your choice to use the word rape so causally. I saw that you wrote it before in another post. With that said I once had a rock... I kept in my left shoe. I know it's odd and well no one knew it was there but I did and so did he. I never thought of it as a "Day Collar" but since I took my shoes off when I got home and put my rock in a safe spot for the next day perhaps that was my "Day Collar". lol