I just feel lost.

I just feel lost.

yourpersonalslave​(sub male) • Mar 9, 2020

I just feel like I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore and I feel that I’m stuck like this. I just don’t know anymore.

Devotedsub​(sub female)​{His} • Mar 9, 2020

So sorry you are going through this. I think we all get stuck or wondering why we are here at some points in the lifestyle. For me personally, some self reflection over time can help bring clarity. Also, there are a lot of supportive folks in the community that you can reach out to if it helps to talk. Hope that you will find some clarity soon?

Re: I just feel lost.

The Captain​(dom male) • Mar 9, 2020

Hi mate

What are you referring to? The lifestyle or something else?

Are you okay?

Cap

Duke Montefort​(dom male) • Mar 9, 2020

When stuck for clarity, look to your center. What is your center? Your faith, family, friends, career. What do you define as your core. The thing that drives you more then food, water, or air. When you find this? Then you will be able to make the first step in the right direction. We will be here when you need us.

Duke Montefort

JD Dom​(dom male) • Mar 9, 2020

I hope you are okay and have someone in your confidence that you can reach out to. I know online isn't as good a substitute as a flesh-and-blood shoulder, but there are some really wise, caring people in this community. Reach out to anyone who has commented in this thread and I bet if they can't help you, they know someone who can.
Be well, Friend.

Master JD

DrWakko • Mar 9, 2020

You are in San Diego. Have you gone to a munch? Attended a Bdsm / lifestyle class? If you answered no to one or both I suggest starting there.

You are 18. Time is on your side. Learn about you and what you want. Have some fun. Enjoy what this lifestyle has to offer.

A Dominatrix usually refers to a Pro Domme (pay for play) what I think you are looking for is a Domme or Mistress. It is helpful to look up terms before posting what you want.

DW

yourpersonalslave​(sub male) • Mar 10, 2020

I was referring to how I felt hopeless in the lifestyle, I should’ve been more clear on that, but I honestly don’t even know how to get involved the more I think about it.

WhiteRoses​(sub female) • Mar 12, 2020

The best way to get involved is to meet people as people. Find friends and people you feel you have some thing in common with outside of the lifestyle. And I mean find people in the lifestyle that you enjoy just hanging out with. Develop relationships, just like in life. Attend events, talk online, get to know people.

Don't be looking to fill some position or job description. That is only going to get you used. There is a reason why it is called a lifestyle - treat it like life. How do you get involved in any activity? Reach out, make friends, network.

I hear so many people say I want a dom, I want a sub. That's looking for a thing in my opinion. Even if you are looking for casual play, you still have to get to know someone a little bit.

Look for events and online places that have the lifestyle in common and make friends, the rest will follow.

Island girl​(sub female)​{Yes owned.} • Mar 12, 2020

Speaking as a sub, look for groups specifically for subs. That way you can meet people who live on your side of the slash so to speak. These are the people you really need to befriend, and these are the people who can best answer your questions. They will also be able to give you the skinny on Dom/mes that you may want to get to know better. ALWAYS GET REFERENCES!!!! You will probably have to start at a basic bdsm munch. Our group in Honolulu ran a separate get together for subs so that we had a network. Just an idea. You have to hook into the local scene and get to know people.

Jolene​(sub female)​{PapaBear} • Mar 14, 2020

Looking for groups and others is good, but can also add to confusion and feelings of exclusion if you're experiencing a mild identity crisis and not quite sure who you are or where you "fit." Truthfully, you don't "fit" anywhere. No one does. Everyone is different, even with the same titles and labels. Knowing yourself is so important. Keeping true to your core beliefs and morals. Knowing what you need vs. what you want. I have expectations for myself that I meet and I contentiously work at personal self discipline so that when it's called of me by my husband (who is my dominant) I'm able to comply easily. Submissive Guide is a wonderful resource that I highly recommend.