Should the Dom Approach or should the Sub

Should the Dom Approach or should the Sub

CraftyLove​(sub female) • Mar 26, 2020

This has probably already been talked about.
So does a liked profile mean you should message them because they liked your profile.... obviously including the fact that they aren't owned or owning of someone else and their profile interest you.
Or should you wait for them to approach you as a submissive.
Also if there's no liked profile but you like their profile again while respecting the code of conduct.... should a sub message first?

Just curious of opinions and viewpoints from both sides.

Thank you!

ropefish • Mar 26, 2020

I just think if you want to message someone then message them, provided they don't have it stated in their blog that you need permission or something like that. If it's meant to be, if you're compatible, you'll get a message back. If not, oh well, move on.

Doms and subs - people - have different communication styles. To say "Doms have to message first" or "subs have to message first" is shoving people into generalized boxes and limiting honest, natural conversation.

I've had great conversations with people I've messaged, and great conversations with people who've messaged me. I've also had bad conversations both ways. What's being said and how it's being said are much more relevant to me than who messaged who first.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Mar 26, 2020

Good morning,

Great question. It may have been mentioned before, but it’s always acceptable to ask the question again.

If they are not owned or owning and their profile interests you, then there is nothing wrong with saying as much by message. Before you make contact, remember they are neither your Dom nor you their sub, so it really shouldn’t matter who makes first contact.

Best of luck!
LL

Phanes​(dom male) • Mar 26, 2020

Just a quick caveat to what's already been said. As we see many blogs written about, one thing that too many overlook is the fact that many of the community have it in their profiles that they are spoken for and if you wish s to talk to them they are to contact their Dom/me before messaging them or they asked not to be messaged at all.
Everyone should respect these requests!!! It's disrespectful to the person who is being messaged, disrespectful to their Dom/me and/or submissive, and to the relationship they are in.
For those who ignore such requests, Grow the fuck up!!! Think how you would feel if somebody poached on someone to whom you are in a relationship with? I know that may be too complicated for some people to rationalize but give at your best shot.

Sir Rod​(dom male){Looking fo} • Mar 26, 2020

I think that (as a Dom), in this life, if the sub is interested it works. Regardless how many subs I contact, the only ones that I’ve ever meant are the ones the contacted me first. We Dom’s are here to get our joy by serving a sub.

DomJayy​(dom male) • Mar 26, 2020

Agree with what most people have said on this topic

I think a sub should never be nervous or feel like they shouldn’t message the Dom they have an interest in talking to just because they are a sub. Reach out because if you don’t then they might not know how serious you are about chatting or they might not be able to take on the sub if they leave it too late.

Loving a profile is definitely the way to show you are interested if you are not able to send them a message to the person whether it be to a Dom or sub

Just my two pence on the subject haha

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Mar 26, 2020

I have never approached a Dominant first. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. it's just me I guess.
Thus saying that, the majority of those that say Hi are nice guys

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 26, 2020

It doesn't really matter, provided of course, that respect is made with regards to the person to be contacted as already stated. If you have read something that a dominant has written that intrigues you, and he's open to messaging, go for it. Just be yourself, don't make the mistake of trying to be what you think he wants. That's always a mistake.

A dominant is by nature a hunter, he doesn't want his prey to be served up to him on a platter. He wants to hunt, conquer, to possess, and ultimately to conform her to his will through his own means. Enjoy the hunt.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Mar 26, 2020

"Wait for them to approach you as a submissive" To me is a red flag they submit to anyone claiming to be a Dom/me just as bad as a " Dom/me " trying to assert their title over those are submissive.

CheekiCheshire​(sub female){Collared} • Mar 26, 2020

If I see something in a profile that I wish to comment on, I send a message - doesn't matter if the other person is a D or an s . Having said that, yes, I start with reading the profile and honoring any stated boundaries.

If you are contacting me and didn't bother to read my profile, I interpret that as you are not interested in me as a person but rather as a kink dispenser. Can someone recover from that awful first impression, maybe, but why start out 17 steps behind if you don't have to?