Mustering the courage to go to bdsm clubs?

Mustering the courage to go to bdsm clubs?

Amelia Brat​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2020

Hi, everyone!

I am wanting some advice on how to muster up the courage to go to a bdsm club? I am moving to Clearwater, FL soon and hoping to join the bdsm scene there by attending a bdsm club. I’m feeling a bit shy (okay, a lot shy) about this. We have a bdsm club where I live now, but I’m too much of a chicken to attend here. I’m worried I’ll run into people I might know. It seems like the perfect opportunity to start fresh when I move to Florida. To make matters more nerve wracking, I’m 22 and I’ll be attending alone. I’m worried that I’ll be the youngest there and also seem out of place by attending alone. Any advice or personal stories of your own would be appreciated! Thanks

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Apr 28, 2020

Munches! Everything is likely stopped right now but munches are a great way to go. a community will put together a munch and everybody gets together at a public space to chat about kink and all sorts of things and get to know each other. it's definitely a great first step. Or go to a class, it may be hosted at the kink space but is usually not focused on play time, just learning whatever tool or skill is being taught.

The Tampa community seems to be a good place to start and a nice enough community. Feel free to send myself or AKittenForSir a message if you have any questions, you're right in our area.

-JB

Nemesis • Apr 28, 2020

I was just thinking about this same thing. Where I live there is one, but no listing on dates. Im shy and nervous, wanna find someone to go with but not sure about that either. Good luck in Florida!!

Witchy one​(sub female){not yet} • Apr 28, 2020

Munches are a good way to start. I host a munch in my area (on hold for now) we get people who are new to the area or new to bdsm. It seems to be a good way to get to new people in the lifestyle and ease the way to attending events. Good luck in Florida. When I was returning to bdsm met some good people in the Orlando area

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2020

@Amelia Brat you could ask John Brownstone (part of Loving BDSM with Kayla), he might know about that part of Florida, he is a member here.

Bunnie • Apr 28, 2020

Firstly... I agree with going to a munch first.

“I am wanting some advice on how to muster up the courage to go to a bdsm club?”

Unfortunately this is one of those things where the only way forward is through. We can tell you so many things about what it will be like and “how” to get there... but it’s your feet that must do the walking
So... the question is... what do you need to feel safe enough to take the plunge?

I was so nervous going to my first munch. Actually to be honest, I’m always nervous going to a first munch. I’m nervous doing anything new socially, because I am awkward and uncomfortable and feel like I become “too much” in social settings... so I overcompensate and try to hide... and probably come across as having multiple personalities because I flit between being outgoing and withdrawn . Or people probably just think I’m crazy... who knows. So if you do better than that... you’ve definitely got one up on me (and even I’ve managed to survive them ).

The safety for me was to tell myself that I was under no obligation to anyone... which included not having to stay. I would simply go and see what it was about, and if at any time I wanted to leave, I would. I *gave myself permission* to not worry if I felt like leaving early was rude or that my awkwardness or if it occurred, discomfort, might be seen as..... (insert many different options lol) or the many other things that I tell myself.

The other thing I promised myself was that I was here because I was tired of living a lie and hiding who I am. I was doing it for me! Finally.

I don’t know if this resonates for you. But that’s what helped me take those first steps.

The thing that made me laugh when I did finally go was at how *ordinary* everyone was lol. I had built them up to be all kinds of weird and wonderful. I also realised that they had all at some stage encountered the same worries and fears as I was. And they had all conquered them to be there too... as I was.

What made all the nervousness so absolutely worth it, was finally finding my tribe of people... realising there were others just like me.

Lexxa​(sub female) • Apr 29, 2020

As others have mentioned the best way to start out is to attend a munch. They're super casual, typically held in a vanilla setting such as a restaurant or cafe and are the perfect gateway to meeting likeminded people locally and making connections. It's a zero-pressure zone designed to just relax and kick back with fellow kinksters. Once you're there, seated and begin chatting you'll be amazed at how quickly the nerves disappear! The biggest thing to remember is that every single person there was a newbie once too! They've all been standing right where you are and they all understand what you're feeling.

I spent an entire year waiting and watching from the sidelines telling myself I'd go to an event once a friend agreed to go with. It wasn't until I tried out electrical play with another Cage member that I finally had my lightbulb moment ( sorry for that pun). If I was willing and open enough to have someone I hadn't met in person before smack me a bit and zap me for funsies then what the hell was holding me back from walking into a room of people eating pizza and talking about their day? LOL. Thus that same week I put myself as "going" to my first munch and first class and I have zero regrets! I wish I had gone so much sooner. So, my best advice is to browse some local events, pick a munch that stands out to you if there are multiple, and commit yourself to it. If you're super nervous send a message to the event coordinator in advance and let them know you're new and plan on attending. They're typically very helpful and can walk you through anything you're unsure of. Since everything is currently on hold due to the virus many munches and classes are now being held online, I definitely recommend checking one of those out in the meantime. Happy kinking!

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2020

Definately start with munches and go with a freind.

Witchy one​(sub female){not yet} • Apr 29, 2020

Going with someone you know if you can is a good idea. My other suggestion is talk to the host/s. In my area it is the norm for the host if requested to introduce the attendees . I don't know if this is the norm everywhere

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Apr 30, 2020

I was actually just looking and I looks like a lot of clubs are having virtual hang out times to help bring their communities together while they can’t meet, that would be another good way to get to know some people at whatever clubs you may want to go to. We have done a few of the virtual classes and hang outs and it’s usually fun