How Far is Too Far?

How Far is Too Far?

SSG{ENM-TLP} • May 14, 2020

Ok, this may not be about what you think it is.

I live in the rural southeast GA, US. Being in a rural area, there aren't many options that truly fit what I am looking for in a dominant.

I'd like to hear from you on how far you believe too far is for an IRL DD/lg dynamic.

Do you feel DD/lg's need to be close in proximity?
How frequently do you think they should meet?
Does anyone have an RL example of what works for you distance wise and frequency of meeting?

I realize we are all different, so this is just for my own personal processing and consideration.

No Body​(dom male) • May 14, 2020

It is in the heart. If you can find a DD/lg that is far away and get to know them enough to want them close then great. It is all about time and knowing what each other want. Sometimes it is better to not have contact and get to know each other than to find out that they are not what you want and be hurt because you gave so much in rl. I have had to many friends cry on my shoulder because some guy used them and left when they found out she would not do this or that. Also far to many who said no had was forced into it. I would rather spend months getting to know her that to meet and find out I was not what she wanted or needed.

I have known people who met online and after a time did meet and are together years later. I met subs at brunches that where great people till we got online and I found out that inside was a totally different person. You just have to choose who you want and seek them out. A soldier and a nurse meet during WW2. They are separated after he is shipped home. 40 years later when he is at a reunion the anniversary of the battle he was in he saw her again. Both had children and lost their spouses. A year later they where married and spent the last of their years together. Time means nothing to the heart so why should distance.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • May 14, 2020

We are a global world now and I think in theory distance shouldn’t mean much cause travel is easier in some ways than it’s ever been (well except currently). BUT that also depends on the couple; some people NEED frequent physical contact, they NEED that close proximity to each other. But also it can be limiting to say I’m only looking around this x range of distance.

Like SR13 I think getting to know someone online first helps to really allow you to get to know them but I guess it is a double edged sword because you can lie online but you an lie in real life too.

I guess for me distance doesn’t mean much but I can understand people not wanting to look for someone who is far away from them!

SSG{ENM-TLP} • May 14, 2020

Being polyam, I am processing the serious thought of having an online dominant if I can't find one within a close enough distance to me to be able to have a regular IRL relationship. I would want it to still be close enough to meet up at least monthly. That would be nice. We would be able to maybe meet in the middle if the distance is further which would help to increase the location consideration. He of course would have to be secure enough to be ok with me being poly (and of course, I would be the same for him in return). Who knows what the future would hold if it ever developed to be more and those types of things change if a IRL option arose for us.

It is just really difficult trying to date in the bible belt, rural south, and bdsm. Polyam does afford me the ability to have a dom/dd, and then date vanilla guys for more of the day-to-day dating/relationship stuff. At least until the sun lines up with the moon and earth and venus, and the 5th star from the second parallel universe that will actually provide me my One in the location where we can both be together mono FOREVER. (I feel like there should be a cheesy theme song playing right about now.)

IODiCeShOt • May 14, 2020

The more niche you are, the more I think you have to open your mind to distance, unless you get lucky.

It’s easy enough to get something going, just not so much a dynamic that really works long term.

But then we are a fussy bunch

AngelBunny • May 14, 2020

I've grown up in GA and lived in various towns in GA. I sympathize with you. I'm hoping by living in Atlanta, it will increase my chances but it's still the South. I would want someone I could see at least twice monthly. Hopefully you aren't too far from Atlanta, Savannah or Jacksonville, FL and would be able to find someone in those locations. Best of luck!

SSG{ENM-TLP} • May 14, 2020

Jacksonville and Valdosta are closest. Savannah is 2-2.5 hours. Most of them want to see someone regularly, and don't want that drive, nor do I. But if I met the right One and had time with them, I would totally consider a move to any of those locations. Maybe even further. I just want to be considerate of my son's father.

AngelBunny • May 14, 2020

I would totally move to Savannah! It's so pretty there! I can understand you wanting to be consider of your son's father.

Bunnie • May 15, 2020

Ask me again in 6 months or a year.

heartbrokengirl​(sub female) • May 17, 2020

My Daddy and I are currently 6 hours apart and live across the state from each other.
We meet at-least once a month and try to alternate who makes the travel. I have visited him more times currently but I am totally ok with the drive.
With covid shutting everything down we postponed travel for a bit, I did travel there last weekend since things are opening back up in my state. It has been 2.5 months since our last visit.
I would love to be closer and be around him all the time, but he makes sure to make up for the time we are not physically together.
We are in constant communication text, phone calls, pictures, and the occasional video chat. He does a great job to make sure that I am happy and satisfied even though he isn't physically present.
working towards making things not long distance
I can tell you that being long distance really shows you how they are as a person. You get to know them on a deeper level before the physical aspect occurs. Based on his level of attention, care, and communication before even meeting in person I could tell he would be the one for me.