just got ghosted??

just got ghosted??

laur • Jun 25, 2020

new to all this, was chatting with a Dom things seemed to be going ok. he said he would text once he was up and then I never heard from him again. I messaged asking if he was OK my normal morning hello and nothing back. Does this happen alot? we seemed to get along and agreed to always communicate no matter what and then he does this. do hurt and confused!!!

Duke Montefort​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2020

Dear Laur,

Yes, this happens to me too. Sometimes they are caught up in something important. Some times they just disappear and don't write anymore. This is just part of the lifestyle. Like dating in real life. You'll find a lot of bad eggs before you find the right one. I've felt hurt and confused. However, you move on, and eventually you'll find someone with staying power.


Duke Monefort

BDSM DOM​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2020

sadly alot of people get ghosted. Even me.. Try not to stress... Your worthy of attention. Some people just dont have manners

HisHunnyBun​(sub female){Taken} • Jun 25, 2020

Don't take their actions to heart.
The ones who ghost.

There will be a lot of men who will do that.

While there will be some who have a demanding job and can't message every day.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Learning } • Jun 25, 2020

Unfortunately this is all no different then your vanilla dating game, it’s hard to weed out the good from the bad. You just have to take each conversation with a grain of salt and no expectations. If they ghost well hopefully you’ve been saved long term heart ache, if they don’t then you’ve found a good egg.

Ghosting

ADIDAS • Jun 25, 2020

Purely based on this statement, I'm going to assume that you have never been ghosted before. Having missed a message here and there a day and there a day isn't ghosting. I take work schedule into consideration as I'm sure most reasonable subbies with a decent head on their shoulders. It's more like you're going along in the relationship fine and dandy, then all of a sudden, without warning, with no explanation whatsoever, they dissappear. For an extended period of time, if not forever. Leaving their subbie confused and unsecure, frightened, questioning their every word and movement. Trying to figure out what they said or did to cause this . It can be a very damaging thing to happen to a subbie. Just a public service educational announcement.

Mr E​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2020

Ghosting is sadly all too common and it is certainly not restricted to a gender or a title/position.

I always make the effort to say goodbye. Sometimes... it's a real effort!

Even when someone has been rude or wasteful of the time we shared, even just to let them know the conversation is now over. Either in sadness, anger, or apathy, who wants to leave someone hanging onto something that isn't there anymore?

Gelsemium​(sub female) • Jun 25, 2020

Oh the ghost train. Choo, choo, next stop, lamesville! I get so mad when I hear about ghosting, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Like many others I’ve also been ghosted. It hurts! And I think it hurts most of all when one takes the time to get to know someone only to have them fall off the face of the earth. Of course as submissives we often times put the blame on ourselves. For me personally I spent months trying to figure out the “why” at the core of the situation, and I think that at least for me, I figured it out. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the individual and their inability to communicate.

You see, in order to even reject someone takes a bit of conflict. Even to say “hey, I realize that after being with you for a while you aren’t what I want”. Conflict unfortunately takes a bit of courage, and for a Dom, it means a bit of follow through in gently guiding that sub through your departure. It is an uncomfortable process and one that not many have the decency to endure (in my opinion).

My own ghosting experience was an incredibly unpleasant one in which myself and a potential dominant whom I won’t name ( though I’d love to!) got quite serious and spent many months getting to know one another. He seemed to be everything I was looking for. Of course there were bumps, but he was kind and decent, and a gentleman. We met a number of months after first speaking and it was a very nice weekend. He went back home, had issues with his job (which he loved) and then one day just stopped talking to me. Unlike yourself however I did not reach out as I saw him online. But the fact that such behaviour took place and that I was ghosted after what I thought was a deep connection really hurt like a b**ch and I find myself still recovering from it.

So, now that I’ve yammered on, my advice would be to take your time and be as careful as you can be, and god forbid if it happens again, realize the fault is not in you or your potential submission, but rather in their ability to be decent and kind.

All the best,
Gels

RavenN • Jun 25, 2020

If you're simply chatting with someone here on Cage and suddenly ghosted, it's a bummer, yeah. However, if you're in a dynamic, at any stage of submission or dominance and ghosted (including being ignored soon after the dynamic ends) it can create emotional trauma that sometimes takes months if not year(s) to heal.

Another thing to consider is having a crisis plan when setting up rules and guidelines for your dynamic. Incorporate another means of communication if either party loses their phone, etc. I remember reading a past blog regarding a crisis plan. I think it was written by SSG.

Intentional ghosting is cowardly and weak. Shame on the ghoster...although if you're ghosted twice by the same person....shame on you.

Re: Ghosting

HisHunnyBun​(sub female){Taken} • Jun 25, 2020

No I haven't personally been ghosted.

I only had a dom who left me due to a 15 work week and a live in mom.

That was just an excuse since my current dom works 12 hours a day every day and still has time for me.