Do the Rules Still Apply?

Do the Rules Still Apply?

TeachMeSomeManners • Jul 15, 2020

Hi All,

Looking for a little guidance with this situation:

I am Under Consideration with a new Dom. We have had several conversations to suss out our dynamic, including establishing some basic rules. Recently, he had something personal come up and he communicated me that he would going to be disconnected for an unknown period of time.

I want be a good sub. And I want to respect his wish to remain disconnected. However, do the established rules still apply?

Thank you in advance for your thoughts!

Zedland​(dom male) • Jul 15, 2020

That would depend entirely on what you two have discussed. For example if one rule is that you must inform him when you are going out, well that is obviously out the window.

In my personal opinion I would not expect someone I have just begun negotiations with to put obey rules I cannot enforce and whose good behavior I cannot reinforce.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jul 15, 2020

Only a few conversations and you are under consideration. In my opinion way too soon for that. Sounds like this winner has found someone else or his wife has found him out. Can't give a specific time period regarding disconnecting sounds like BS.

My thinking, it never really started to be over, so walk away. You owe this person nothing. My advice don't rush into being considered by anyone, unless months have gone by, you know the person well, connection is well established and everything is authentically genuine.

Sadly there are doms, well little boys calling themselves doms who think consideration is a good way of marking a sub, and reserving them while they hunt about looking for better meat. They find it and vanish, with some vague BS excuse. Or they ghost and vanish and say nothing. More often these little boys are married and their wives find out and they run because of that.

So the rules are blown up, don't apply anymore.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Jul 15, 2020

What rules ? I would say that the relationship has been dissolved. Sorry, but Doms don’t disconnect from their subs for an undisclosed length of time. They may let them know that they have personal stuff going on and will not be available for a few days or not as available, but they don’t “disconnect” for an undisclosed amount of time. Consider yourself released from the relationship.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 16, 2020

I've always seen that being considered is not being in a relationship which leaves you free to be considered by more than one and hat with others as you feel

Bunnie • Jul 16, 2020

Reading this, I couldn’t help but think of that movie where she’s dating different people and a guy friend is helping her determine their authenticity. When one of her dates says he’s going out of town and will be unreachable, she rings her friend and tells him... he says “run.” She asks why. He tells her to ask where the date is going that makes him unreachable, and the date names some random place. Her friend says, “run.” He explains to her that nowadays there’s very few places anyone will be going that makes communication impossible.

I agree... unfortunately... unless its ghosting or into the loving arms of their significant other... or the situation of a spouse who has just discovered their other cheating.

I’m sorry to sound pessimistic. I really hope this isn’t the case... but it sure sounds very strange. Trust is so fickle for such a long time in the beginnings of new relationships... anyone worth their two cents knows how important consistency is.

We’ve all been in some kind of similar situation (perhaps hence the scepticism), and we all want to show our loyalty and dedication.
My suggestion is to perform your rules until he either comes back (and you can discuss things from there), or until it simply begins to feel empty, or looking like he’s not coming back. Then reconsider where you’re at, and move forward from there.

The Rules??

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Jul 16, 2020

I make it a point never to disagree with Bunnie when she is right. Unfortunately this is going to have to be one of those times.
If the relationship is this new, and if he is already disconnecting a bit, and if you want to be a good sub but don't really even know what that means in this context, then my suggestion is that at the very least the "rules" (such as they are)should be renegotiated when you two come back together. Until then you are submitting to no one.

As a Dom myself I think it needs to be said and repeated: A Dom would never leave his sub lost and wondering what and where the fuck. That's just not what we do. Notice I didn't say a "true" or a "real" Dom. Those terms are bullshit anyway. No, I mean it in the sense of him being *your* Dom. Because if in fact he is then I would hope he would never do that to you.

I wish you luck, you already know I'm on your side.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jul 16, 2020

if the Dom actually cared wouldn't he of taken the time to say what rules to follow. Your under consideration, how many rules can there be? . If he had time to tell you he would be out of contact and had the time to think he should be contacting you...then in my opinion he had the time to say what he wanted YOU to do. If he comes back, use caution moving forward.
Honestly think, just how many situations leave a person unable to reply to a text, email or personal message. Even wracking my brain I can only think of a few and one of those was moving to Antarctica and the other was induced coma!

DrKrall • Jul 16, 2020

It may be so, but one of those few places is my familys summer residence. There is no wifi and cell phones work only occasionally, so I constantly tell people when I'm going there, when I plan to be home again and that I might answer calls, texts and mails but I also might not.

Apart from this I agree with most of what everyone else already said. It is very weird not to tell why he will be disconnected. If I was he and I knew I had to be disconnected for an unknown length of time I would be very clear about why and what I expected of the other person while I was gone. Also I would do my best to make contact every third day or something at least, to make sure not to loose the other person. I think he's gone too, sorry!

beach baby​(sub female) • Jul 16, 2020

I personally wouldn’t assume anything other than what he clearly said to me. Of course, I am no expert.

I have some experience trying to follow rules with little guidance and I found it pretty much impossible.

So, my advice is if you trust his word at this point then that’s ok. I would feel no obligation to do anything that feels impossible without him. If he is worth trusting, he will understand your confusion.

I hope it works out and if he never brings his A back, I hope one day soon you will be very happy that he didn’t.