I desperately need advice

I desperately need advice

Sweet Raven​(sub female) • Aug 4, 2020

After a day spent drinking with no food or water, my Daddy and I had a huge fight which I did instigate. During the fight I was trying to get Him to talk to me and was becoming more and more hysterical. I was pretty close to blacked out, but I do remember several things. One thing is that He completely withdrew from me and would not engage with me at all, except to tell me to leave. Another thing was that He kept telling me to leave even though I was literally on my knees begging Him not to send me away. He pushed me away several times and even voice recorded the encounter for what purpose I can't even imagine. I left, bereft, way too drunk to drive, and completely heartbroken, and attempted to drive the 200 miles back to my house. I had to pull over several times and sleep. We have since talked and I have apologized profusely and He has forgiven me. One thing that is still bugging me is that He does not think He did anything that He should apologize for. I know I started it, but it seems to me that He did not behave in the way a Daddy who loves his little girl would behave. When I tried to talk to Him about it, I was rebuffed. Am I wrong for feeling like He cares not for my safety or health? Would any of you Doms out there send your sub away knowing she was too drunk to drive? If I am wrong, I can only hope He will forgive me for even thinking He did anything that would require an apology. I am very confused.

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male) • Aug 5, 2020

The lack of calling a taxi,uber, ride for you or apologizing for not making sure you had a safe trip home worries me.

Mako Shark​(dom gender fluid){NotLooking} • Aug 5, 2020

I'll be honest and say that sounds like he crossed the line of bdsm and stepped into abuse territory. I don't know what agreement yall have but it's unacceptable that he didn't follow CCS, RACK, or PRICK in my opinion. He seriously sent you away to drive drunk? That's not only endangering to you but anyone else on the road. Especially for 200 miles? That was not safe for you in any circumstance.

Also it's the dom's responsibility to be able to handle your reaction to his play. The fact that he withdrew instead of helping you makes me very uncomfortable since if I read between the lines, this is not what you wanted in a relationship.

I highly highly suggest the two of you figure out a way to address your concerns and worries in a healthy way before you continue or else this behavior could repeat itself.

Kalel​(dom male){SelinaKyle} • Aug 5, 2020

I'll have to agree with Mako Shark. Daddy Dom relationship or not, his disregard for another person's health and well-being under his care is disgusting. Anger and frustration should have been set aside, and let the flames settle for the next day when you both in a better mindset to talk. While it seems drinking had a major influence, there are some underlying issues here of responsibility of the Dom.

If he was responsible enough to not drink (or as much) to make sure you were his concern while you were drinking, he should have recognized you were drunk and weren't your normal self; no matter what you did or said. If he was also drinking too much and not eating/drinking water, then that is reckless on his part. Regardless, his withdrawal from caring for your security and well-being is a huge issue. I seriously recommend having a serious discussion without placing blame and figure out a way forward to be better on both of your counts.

Kalel​(dom male){SelinaKyle} • Aug 5, 2020

(Accidentally posted twice, and don't know how to delete)

kalwein • Aug 5, 2020

I was not present, so I cannot tell where everyone's head was when this happened. Assuming he knew how drunk you were, he should have held your keys captive until you were sober. Even outside of a BDSM relationship, this is something that needs to be done for anyone who is in your home at your invitation. Did not check your state, but in NY you are responsible legally to do so for anyone who is drinking in your home.

From a relationship perspective, I believe you need to discuss exactly what leave means. That discussion needs to happen when everyone is sober and in a reasonably good mood. Leave can mean many things:

1) Go away until you calm down. Then check back with me.
2) Go away until I calm down. Check with me in 20 minutes, one hour, or whatever we negotiated.
3) Go into another room until I call you back.
4) Go for a walk. Check with me later.
5) Go home. I will call you at some point.
6) Go away and never come back.
7) Go away and never come back, until I call you, or until one of us recovers our good sense.
Go away until you are ready to do the things I told you to do. (Note: this could be never).

Other variants exist.

I am additionally a bit disturbed by the idea that you did not eat or hydrate and were drunk on top of that. That does not seem to me to be the best way to ensure a good headspace for BDSM play.

That said, you say he withdrew while you were hysterical. There is such a thing as Dom drop. If he happened to be experiencing it at the same time as you were experiencing what sounds like Sub drop, that could explain what happened, assuming this is not a normal pattern of behavior. If it is not, and this is what happened, you guys need to come to some understandings on how to each behave when the other is crashing.

If this is a common behavior pattern, you have even more work to do. You both need to be safe.

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Aug 5, 2020

There used to be a public service TV advert where the narrator would say at the end:

“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk”.

Cinn • Aug 5, 2020

In my opinion, the way the situation was handled was careless. In any relationship this would have been unacceptable. Its also disappointing that he does not recognize the error of his ways. You never should have been driving, not in that condition. Accountability is so important in all relationships. This could have ended badly for you and so many others on the road. So many lives were at risk. He really needs to own his part in this, he handled things poorly as well and its that simple. Your feelings are justified. I hope that the two of you can find some common ground and really discuss how this situation made you feel.

Mako Shark​(dom gender fluid){NotLooking} • Aug 5, 2020

I do want to follow up and say that under the circumstances you were very responsible. Even under duress you knew to pull over and rest and I'm so thankful and proud of you for doing that.

I completely agree with what everyone else is saying, especially Cinn's comment about how your feelings are completely justified.

My first response was filled with outrage on your behalf but I want to be clear as I'm sure everyone else is... Even if you instigated a fight, it's not your fault so don't be too hard on yourself.

SirJLyle • Aug 5, 2020

Drinking and kink don't mix well. That was the first mistake, so it colors all that followed. Don't do that ever again, either of you. After you agree to that, what everyone says above applies. He should've sent you away to someplace safe within his realm of supervision. That's what Doms are supposed to do, even when they are upset or in "Dom drop." A sub's well being and security always, always comes first, before fun, before play, before anything. Thank goodness you returned home safely. Go forth and learn from this, you were both so fortunate that no disaster befell you! Peace.