Passive or Active Submission?

Passive or Active Submission?

DaddyDrago​(dom male){LilAmethys} • Sep 4, 2020

Query to all:

Do you believe submission is passive or active?

Clarifying focus:

*Is a dominant required to show an s type how to submit?
Is it the dominants role to create their purpose or submission as a quality of their character or is that something that is owned solely by the s type?

I suppose this may go to the question of born submissive or grown into submission, that discussion need not apply or even be involved as my purpose for the question revolves around present day actions.

Is active submission (willful, deliberate, purposeful choice to surrender in this way xyz, or to this extent) necessary and desired by dominants?
Is passive submission co-dependency (requiring the dominant to do for them all things including think for you) or simple obedience? Is this more desirable to dominants?

Please clarify your answers if you will.
I am NOT looking for an answer that meets my definition or understanding. I am looking to learn and expand my mind.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

*Allowing for the reality of what is negotiated consensually as wants or needs between all parties notwithstanding.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Sep 4, 2020

Sorry for the random response- following along. This is interesting to me.

strictlygentle​(dom male){Queen Alex} • Sep 5, 2020

For my part, I'm looking for active submission, but passive submission is fun from time to time.

Obedience is key in either case.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Sep 5, 2020

Submission is both active and passive. Dynamic is a relationship and has an ebb/flow going on. I find that most submissives start out more passive. They don't know what to do or how to show their submission. Later on in the dynamic, they may do it on their own, but early on is a process of learning and being shaped.

Submission, I feel, is neither created by the D type or innate within the s type. Someone who is submissive has the potential to submit, but the submission is usually kindled by a specific D type and needs to constantly be fed to keep going. I use the comparison of firewood, usually.

Active submission, I find is often most desired by dominants. It's nice to have someone do something for you because you want it; it's absolutely mind blowing when they do it because THEY want to. It's having your morning cup of coffee appear by magic vs. the effort of you telling someone to make you coffee.

Passive submission isn't codependency, but it's either dangerous or a sign that the dynamic isn't working if it goes on too long. The s type isn't inspired or the D type may possibly be controlling.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Sep 5, 2020

I agree with Kara but I would also add (I know you know where I'm going with this), active submitting may not always LOOK like submission.

For instance, *points to self*, Brats. As I've stated in my Brat Blog, Brats come in multiple shades. Service Brats and Therapy Brats being two examples. Our sass and defiance is used, not for OUR benefit, but for the benefit of the D types. It is our way of using our skill set to serve YOU thick-headed, stubborn, uptight, stressed out Doms. You carry SOOO much weight that we, the submissive Brat, NEED to help you. We help you release it in the safety and trust of the Dynamic.

Even as friends, we are DRIVEN to serve those we view as respected Doms. It is so much a part of us that we can do nothing less. Not doing so is physically painful to us.

So, if a Brat comes at you and they are considered a friend, it's our way of showing you how deeply we respect and care for you.

~Always~

ursa​(sub female) • Sep 5, 2020

Interesting question, DaddyDrago. I am very curious to hear a Dominant's perspective on what you said.

I've always thought that submission can be both passive and active, and I have always enjoyed both. However, I am sure everyone has their own preferences.

I think that as a sub, I can actively give my submission to someone and agree to do xyz and find pleasure in carrying out whatever that act is.

I think I can also be passively submissive, but maybe any future responses out there could clarify "passive submission" a bit more? I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but I have no problem acting passively submissive if it has been pre-discussed - for example, going out to dinner and I would being completely passive, having my food ordered for me, speaking only directly when spoken to etc, even though that's not naturally how I would like to behave in public. I can let someone make choices for me, and to a certain extent, I can take pleasure and comfort in giving up that control, in simply "going with the flow."

However, I don't think I enjoy both "passive" and "active" submission equally and in some aspects of my life I definitely have my preferences. I think a lot of Dominants would seek out a more "slave" mentality which I would associate with the "passive" side, and I think a lot of submissives take more joy in being passively submissive than I have.

Curious to know what others think.

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Sep 5, 2020

I believe that submission is inherent.
It blossoms at a certain time in one's life.
Each one of us will have a different journey and path.
In a deeply passionate relationship with a Dominant - a submissive will reach to depths of pure submission that the submissive might not have even expected.
This level and pureness of submission, will thrill the Dominant to no end, and bring pleasure to amazing levels.
It's not the Dominant's role to define submission.
It is the Dominant's relationship with the submissive, and the submissive's response that will bring about the beauty and depth of bdsm.
I see submission as an ebb and flow.
One is not always passive or active - but both -
dependant upon the situation and lifestyle.

hank submissive male​(sub male) • Sep 5, 2020

Passive submission indicates or implies you are a doormat and most Doms will not want that though there are a lot who will cater to this but those subs are a dime a dozen am I wrong so I think you need to be active and voice your opinion in a respectful way but know that she or he has the say but speak up if you feel that you are just being used and not in a good way

hank submissive male​(sub male) • Sep 6, 2020

one thing I forgot to say is these types of subs are the ones who just want their kinks satisfied they do not care about what submission is really all about which is being there to support her and fulfill her needs