Question: How can you be a good Dom at 22 years old?

Question: How can you be a good Dom at 22 years old?

slavebilly​(sub male) • Sep 25, 2020

I see on here Doms looking for subs at such young ages. How is this possible? At that age who has enough understanding of any relationship let alone a BDSM relationship. At that age a couldn't even control my own life let alone someone else's. I feel at this age they should still be in training. I'm not saying it cant work, I just asking for opinions from everyone hear.

The original Her​(switch female) • Sep 25, 2020

I think that people mature at different times, and I definitely agree that some people should not be in the positions that they are, but that's their thing to handle. I don't know what they're done, been through, experienced, etc, etc, and I don't have to. If they deem themselves able enough for whatever the job is, I'd rather trust them. Now, I have a more complicated vetting process if they're trying to get involved with me, but I'm a pretty hands-off person and tend to let others do their thing, unless it's racist, sexist, homophobic, you get the point.

Maybe that's just my age talking, but I honestly think that this older generation on Cage, or even just in regular dungeons, get too caught up in gate-keeping BDSM that is viewed as "serious", or "legitimate". There's a reason why I've been contacted by multiple people my age, because they don't feel comfortable coming to older people for advice. They've found that they get talked down to, interrogated, among other things. It's left a bad taste in their mouth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of how it's being watered down for the younger generations, but that's something that both the communities inside and outside need to work on.

I think as a general principle, it's important to remember that everyone starts somewhere. Some people are younger than others when they start, and that's perfectly okay if they deem themselves ready.

KaCTexasdom​(dom male) • Sep 25, 2020

I actually agree with you. Around 22 i was first finding out about bdsm and started to try and learn all i can. Hell i still call myself a new dom and im 28 hahahaha.

I also agree with bunny. I had to learn all this stuff myself cause no older dom would give me the time of day. And that does need to stop. It would be better if the Dom's and subs on here arnt expecting some romance book or porn video sub/dom.

Ive done a lot of online domming and I've had girls who where "taught" that subs can only think of thier doms needs. Never thier own smh.

So if we can be more open about stuff like this then we can stop new subs from being taken advantage of.


Went off track there lol. But basically age can be an indicator, but dont let it be the only one.

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Sep 25, 2020

At 22, I would suggest they first focus on learning to be a good man.
FC

slavebilly​(sub male) • Sep 25, 2020

Thanks for your input. I respect your opinion and I'm so glad you chose to answer. I stand corrected. I wasnt involved in BDSM st your age so I was curious. Please dont be offended, I was just asking for my own personal growth. I'm glad to see that's its possible because I see many younger adults entering into the BDSM life. I also wasnt try to stereotype young adults. I was thinking of my maturity at 22. I was barely able to handle my own life at that age. Again, I'm so glad you answered! If more young adults stood up and spoke like you did, i believe it would help with the misconceptions of older adults. Best wishes!

The original Her​(switch female) • Sep 25, 2020

I agree, Texas, but I'd open it up actually to not just the subs being taken advantage of. There's a lot of harm that can be done when a dom isn't properly trained, doesn't know cues, or is expecting outcomes from porn (which you also mentioned). If we want BDSM to still be a (somewhat, kind of) welcoming environment for new people, things need to change. You need to be willing to pass on knowledge and experiences to the people trying to get into it, and you have to care.

I've seen so many potential doms/subs be completely misled by established people in this community, because they don't want to share or make this a bigger thing. It's really painful because I know that this community would be good to them, if they were able to get past that first hurdle, and it's really fucking greedy of people to keep it to themselves. Obviously, this is a bigger discussion, blah blah, reforming sexual education in America and the world, blah blah, but we all can step up and change for the better so our community becomes a safer and more reliable gathering.

Best wishes back to you as well!

slavebilly​(sub male) • Sep 25, 2020

Thanks for your input Texas. I guess it depends on the person. I would hope more Doms would take it upon themselves to take younger Doms under their wing.

KaCTexasdom​(dom male) • Sep 25, 2020

You would think they would. But sadly ive seen too many 18-22 yr old doms just trying to take advantage of new subs for an easy lay. But when they meet an experienced sub then it gets Hilarious. Like sitcom funny

slavebilly​(sub male) • Sep 25, 2020

Well, trapbunnie, you are certainly someone who has changed my opinion. You are eloquent and obviously knowledgeable. Please join in on more of these forums. I think this community can learn from your input...I know I can!

Sunshinegirl​(sub female) • Sep 25, 2020

I’d say this is a case by case kind of situation.

I’ve met and dated older guys and Doms (30+) who acted like testosterone filled 18 year olds. I’ve met guys in their 20’s who were very respectable, good men, and they acknowledged that they didn’t know everything due to their age but they were still more mature than the 30+ group.