"Part-time" Submission?

"Part-time" Submission?

Baby Rita​(sub female) • Sep 19, 2017

Hi,
I am new to BDSM, recently discovered "little" and sub.
My husband and I decided to open up our marriage after months of planning and communicating about how it will work. It's been great for the most part and has opened up communication and new sexual experiences for both of is.
I immediately took to BDSM like I've been sexually repressed for years!!!!! And didn't even know it. I found a wonderful Daddy Dom and have been seeing him about once a week for a couple months. I know this is not typical but its what we can both do since we are both married.
The problems arise when plans don't work out and my little goes mad. It's a super trigger and I have asked for us to "step back" twice now and are on the mend once again.
Recently my husband is saying that he wants to give being my Daddy Dom a try but for some reason I'm hesitant since I'm so loyal to my Daddy/Dom but also very much love my husband but the power dynamic is so concrete right now it seems crazy to change it. HELP!!!!!!!! I'm so confused and needy lol...
Does anyone else have any experience with "part-time" DOM/sub relationships? Especially those in open marriages?
Thanks,
Little Rita

Stranger • Sep 20, 2017

Ur husband deserves the right to be your daddy Dom....what do u have to lose? Tell ur daddy Dom u need a break and give it a try :p

_Floss_ • Sep 20, 2017

I think it's understandable to be hesitant. Especially when you feel a certain amount of loyalty to someone. I'd imagine though that seeing you get upset when plans fall through is upsetting to your husband as well and he is reaching out with what he sees a potential way to ease some of that upset.

Could you possibly start slowly? Don't full on agree to him taking up that role, but maybe just let him in on some of your little space. I'm not sure what activities you enjoy, so my example may be way of base, but for example if you enjoy colouring and having your hairbrushed, maybe you could do some colouring for him and then have him brush your hair before bed. Or if you liek stories he could perhaps read to you. Again apologies if your little activities are very different, I only have the littles I know for information.

There is no reason that both your husband and you Daddy Dom can't both nurture and enjoy your little, it's not disloyal to look after your own needs and if your husband is offering to try and meet them, then it might be worth letting him try.

I'm not entirely sure that the 'part-time' arrnagement is the whole issue, more so that due to other commitments your plans are not always upheld. Regardless of dynamic that is nearly always upsetting. I see my partner mostly at weekends and occassionally in the week, so we do not have a full-time live in relationship. If our plans suddenly feel through often enough I'd become pretty upset about that myself.

Do you have any contact betweens visits with your Daddy Dom? Is that dynamic being nurtured in between visits? Or is it purely when you see each other? I don't mean to sound harsh but is his loyalty to you on a par with yours to him? Because if it's not then it may not be the best reason to justify not letting your husband try his hand at it.

You say the power dynamic is concrete right now, but also that you've had to stepback twice and things are currently on the mend. It sounds like things are still a work in progress, so making a change may not be the upheaval you imagine it to be.

Are there any other reasons you are hesitant to move forward with this with your husband? While I personally don't think your husband has a right to be your Daddy Dom, I do think it would be kind to have a good understanding of why you don't want him to fill that role should you choose to decline his offer.

Do you and your husband have any sort of BDSM dynamic between you at all? Or has that always been somethig you've explored with someone else?

Floss

Baby Rita​(sub female) • Sep 21, 2017

Floss! Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.
For me, Little is me desperately needing a Daddy figure who is intensely caring and nurturing and firm. I don't age play, as in change ages. I like being talked to like a little girl when I'm in bondage and/or being pleasured. I just find myself in a natural state of needing to be taken care of rewarded, punished, adored, etc. I found this link that I related to it explains it perfectly
http://a-little-understanding.webs.com/whatisalittle.htm

Me and my Daddy talk often by text but he's been so busy with work and family lately that we struggle to see each other as often as we would like. We both need each other equally. Of course, feelings get involved with me being little and a woman and it is tricky to keep everything balanced.
My Husband and I have a good relationship but we run a family and a home together and it feels like changing the power dynamic in the relationship might ruffle feathers in our normal life... Can there be boundaries between real life and the bedroom in a married Dom/Sub relationship? I guess it doesn't have to be 24/7 even though its tempting. I am usually the dominant figure in everyday life and running our house and family so it will take time figuring out switching roles with him. Some aspects like giving me chores or assignments during the day excite me and him being dominant in the bedroom. I hesitate about me having to stand up and be firm about family matters and him not accepting it or I shut him down without meaning to.
We are newly open and new to BDSM so my husband So we are still figuring all this out. It's a consistently surprising adventure !! Thanks for your help!

_Floss_ • Sep 22, 2017

That makes complete sense. I don't know if you're into podcast but if you are you might want to check out one called Loving BDSM, you can check them our at www.lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com. It's hosted by a couple, she is a babygirl and he is a DaddyDom. Recently they have had a lot of changes in their life and she has become the main earner and her Daddy has taken on a lot of the household chores. It's been a huge shift for them both, but they are navigating the changes well between them. I think they have a lot of a similarities to some of what you're saying and I think some of the experiences they share would be really useful for you to hear. So many people are the dominant within the household, but submissive in a D/s sense. I think a lot of it is reframing how we address situations and how we phrase things, words are really powerful, and you can definitely be firm as a submissive while being 100% respectful towards your Dominant.

I think more couples than not are navigating the balance within a household. I read a blog of a gentleman who is in a 24/7 Female Led Relationship, but they are still raising a family and running a house together, and doing it very happily. He still has to be 'in charge' as it were at times, but alongside that he is still submissive to his wife. While it probably takes some time to figure out the balnce it definitely can be done.

It takes so much time to figure out how our BDSM is going to look for us, and it seems to be constantly evolving for almost everyone who gets into it. Becoming open and learning everything that comes with that is also a lot to contend with, doing both at once is bound to give you even more new challenges. I don't know if you've checked out any resource for non-monogamy, but I loved More Than Two, the book but there is a website too. I'm also a bit fan of a blog called www.Poly.Land.com. Lots of awesome thoughts on non-monogamy there.

Floss

Baby Rita​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2017

Floss, Thank you so much for all the guidance!