alphawolfishere(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Nov 3, 2020
The Vanilla Monster Returns...
It’s morning time here in Sunny California. I just ate a piece of leftover fried chicken, and now I’m watching the sun through my window. I think it’s time to go deeper...
I’ve heard many people share how they embraced the BDSM lifestyle because they could no longer stomach a vanilla relationship. Yet, over time, despite entering a BDSM relationship, the vanilla monster returned. And those couples were back at square one. So here’s my question... How do you cut the head off the vanilla monster—so it never returns? Recently, someone explained to me that the hustle and bustle of life, along with daily activities can drown out the BSDM side of a relationship. As for me, I’m not looking for a partner (sub) who can satisfy my BDSM needs just for today, I’m more interested in her ability to continually invest in that lifestyle for years to come. But I need your help to do it. So I’d love to get your feedback, tips, and ways you’d recommend to keep the vanilla monster buried beneath the sea. Also, if the vanilla monster is attacking your relationship, how are you coping? Perhaps your input will help others. Thank you |
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Online now
Sunshinegirl(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Nov 3, 2020
Don’t you just love it here in Cali? I was on FaceTime with my family on the east coast and they said it’s 30 degrees. I’ll pass on that.
This post reminds me of an awesome blog that a male dom wrote (a while ago) about rituals. I think rituals, in whatever way you and your partner do it, can get you both back into your Dom/sub mindset. Doing a ritual everyday no matter how you’re feeling is in my opinion a great way to show your devotion to each other and to the life style. I’d also like to point out that for a lot of people BDSM has been put to the side temporarily. A global pandemic, job loss/job insecurity, dealing with working and teaching kids at home, and of course to top it off the brewing civil unrest in this country due to the shit show that is our government. So in conclusion, I don’t know if this is the year that the vanilla monster will be fully slayed, but it can be disarmed by rituals and lots of honest communication. |
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Bunnie
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4 years ago •
Nov 3, 2020
For the sake of clarity, I should first probably share that I am not of the mindset that vanilla or BDSM is “stepped in and out of” like a role being played. I understand that this is a mindset that differs from most here, however, for me personally, to see it as stepping back into something, I would have to see something as being separate to who I am... and none of these things are... they are simply my life journey.
There are no people in the circles I have moved in who have experienced BDSM in-person, and “gone back to vanilla.” I often wonder if those who say they go back to vanilla are more those who’ve only experienced the world of on-line BDSM... which I can imagine, yes, could at times incorporate people stepping back for whatever reasons... it hasn’t yet become a tangible reality for them (which yes, does make a huge difference, even though it is difficult to explain what difference to those who haven’t experienced that transition... much like trying to describe the smell of a mango to someone who has only looked at pictures of mangoes). Once you have lived BDSM, how it looks may shift and change within your dynamic, as you shift and change with the flow of life, however, in the circles I move in, the fundamental foundation will never change... so “going back to vanilla” seems like a ridiculous concept. It’s kind of like saying that for some of us it’s a choice, when in actual fact, for some of us it’s not a choice. For some of us, this is our truth. This is how we relationship. Perhaps the key is to ask yourself what BDSM means and looks like to you? I think that’s where we find our answers. Power Exchange can exist anywhere at any time... but if you need play to express that, then yes, life will interrupt your kinkster dynamic. |
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Miki(masochist female)
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4 years ago •
Nov 3, 2020
My mindset differs in that there is no "vanilla monster". I play it both ways rather than restrict myself to one particular aspect of sexuality. There are thrills to be had on both sides of the plate (kink vs vanilla and of course male and female partners)
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