Why?

A curiousity, because 8ve been reflecting for myself and wondered what others thoughts were.

Those who play on the left side of the slash (Dominants, tops, switches, et cetera)

Why do YOU desire a submissive?

I mean personally.

Another way to phrase the idea....

What do you need/want with a submissive in your life as a partner?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

I think the answer can be seen in many aspects of human life and modern society- some people are just born leaders. They don't feel fulfilled unless they have others either following them, or at least benefitting from their experience, wisdom, skills, etc.

Whether it is corporate leadership, entrepreneurial startup genius, or sex, some people just crave being in control. Control is the only thing that gives them a sense of stability, AND, a sense of usefulness.

On a deeper level, especially in a personal relationship, (sexual or not) ...a dominant personality doesn't just crave control, but they also crave being needed/wanted. Their existence feels pointless if there isn't someone else out there needing THEM to be there. Or, in the bedroom, they need to feel like their submissive CRAVES them in those intimate (or masochistic etc) ways.

It's the same thing as the other side of the slash. Some people just crave that feeling of being useful to someone else, but with the role of leadership and control reversed. There is something extremely relaxing about relinquishing decision-making and control, and just being put to a task, doing it extremely well, doing it to the satisfaction and pleasure of the person who charged you with that task. Whether it's your boss at work, or your significant other in the bedroom, you crave that approval for a job well done.

The more you think about it, the more you can see how the two roles are extremely similar, but simply with the power/control taking one side or the other.

Me, specifically? I like to be in control, I like to know what's going on, and I like to lead the way; it is this characteristic that drives me to go on wilderness adventures, and bring someone else along with me. But, really? At the end of the day, I just want my significant other to desperately desire my body, and to crave my mind, my emotional presence, my attention. Not because I'm some sort of "god's gift to women", because I sure as hell am not. But, just because we're lifelong partners who both bring each other the highest forms of satisfaction and pleasure.

Daí - For me, I believe that it essentially boils down to having a need for control. For most of my life, up until my early twenties I felt largely powerless in an uncaring oppressive world. Taking a Dominant role was a way for me (at least initially) to assert a sense of control and power. Even if it was just within my purely personal/intimate sphere of influence it was a way of imposing a semblance of control over my life. While very much a romantic at heart, and the search for love was always at the forefront of my mind. I found that the control, stability and order I wanted couldn't be adequately experienced through a "conventional" relationship. Especially when it became apparent that most did not share the same "live and let live" policy I have always taken towards (most) forms of sexual expression, where BDSM was concerned ...let alone 24/7 dynamics. I found myself hiding my interests, fantasies and ideas from partners, either because they had rejected them or been outright hostile to the idea. I found vanilla relationships generally lacked the order and honesty that BDSM allows.

As i grew older, and my outlook, knowledge and experience grew, the motivation became more complex. I'd long held a fascination with the human psyche, the sides we don't (or choose not to) notice and I have always found that knowledge is one of the greatest gifts we can give. So i naturally found myself falling more into a introspective and eventually realised I could help others do the same. What followed was a natural progression into a mentor/protector role, there was (and still is) that need to have that control, but now it is a more emotionally focused, mutually beneficial approach to personal relationships. My eventual philosophy of seeking balance in all things, lead me to seek subs that could provide a counterbalance to my own flaws. Combining the above with a desire to guide and share memories and experience in a way that enriches both mine and my chosen subs life and development as people. It fills me with pride in my sub to see them grow, develop and explore their boundaries and desires, and gives me the personal satisfaction from a job well done. To be able to share as true a part of yourself openly without fear is a great thing, and sadly too rare in today's world.

While I would argue you can never have a "perfect" dynamic, I strive to be the best I can be for my sub and I expect the same effort in return. As of the present day, I am the proud and lucky owner of a wonderful sub who occasionally pushes back, which is fine. /i knew what I was getting into, and while i want the control, i don't want a total doormat either. D-types only have as much power as their s-type permits them, and the training is half the fun and exploring new sides to each other is the other. While she pushes, thus exposing parts of me I haven't noticed or acknowledged, she satisfies all my needs. She teaches me things about myself even now. Through my own experience, and especially so through her (the first truly viable ongoing 24/7 dynamic I've attempted that has had minimal resistance or issues) I have gained that control, not through clamping down on any perceived "deviation" from what a dynamic should be. But acceptance of what it could become, and it is far easier to get a dynamic to develop to its full potential when both people agree that it's what they truly want.

I do not desire a submissive. I want the ying to my yang or the yang to my ying. It just so happens that the person who is that missing half is submissive. A submissive holds the missing pieces in my life and that is what I'm after.

I rarely feel entitlement in my life. Given my demographic, I am regularly pretty aware of how much and how little social privilege I have.

I want to negotiate a relationship with someone in which I can feel entitled to do ... not everything I want to and with that person, but negotiate the bounds of what I am entitled to do and skate that edge merrily and secure in the knowledge that it was agreed upon.

Also, I'm bitey and want a human chew toy.