Opening Up

The problem is usually related to honesty and people's biased perception of poly as being inherently dishonest. Given SSC BDSM is inherently based on honesty, I am assuming you make it clear to your partners beforehand about the nature and extent of your poly relationships and what you are doing to keep your partners safe from disease, etc. In that case, don't worry about it. If they are not comfortable with poly, they are simply not compatible with you. Why do you care what they think?

As someone who has my reservations about poly, let me try my best to explain.
First, I want to be clear, I think that whatever people want to do between themselves is completely up to them and is fine and I support that. Though I've tried my best to try and understand what appeals to others about this lifestyle, I just don't personally get it. That said, I'm always open to hearing something I hadn't considered before.

+++Just answering in kind

1. Logistical
What if we get married (monogamously) and we get recruited into the cartel and have to use our skills for human trafficking and terrorism? This would put strain and trauma into the relationship, change the logistics of the relationship, and the government could toy with our legal access to funds and family. Because of that possibility, I do not want to get married. Using extreme examples to highlight hypothetical perspectives in a highly unlikely situation........is madness. Twenty parents? Come on, the viewpoint that poly is inherently overcrowded, messy, and complicated is bullshit. It's one thing to ask about how I've resolved conflicts in my poly lifestyle and experiences. Quite another for to build a funhouse of impossible factors and their legal consequences. For one, I don't want children in my household, just partners. Children are astronomically expensive, invite complications, and are a main dividing factor in monogamous relationships. Respectfully, that entire section of the convo doesn't apply to me. So I will not speculate. I will just hold to faith that any parent would hold take parenthood seriously enough to plan and communicate their needs and abilities to provide in the best way for their child.

On the point of overreaching with the connection. Being emotionally inept/inexperienced, or burning oneself out are unhealthy traits that people show in all relationship types. I do agree that overburdening relationships and connections are unhealthy. Poly is not an ever-expanding death cult of people endlessly recruiting partners with no regard for human depth and emotional capacity. Where is this even coming from?

" We can't hold up the ideal model of anything as the reasoning for its existence and we have to consider how any situation can be used for the absolute worst possible ends and attempt to address them in structural ways."

There is my ideal model and "the" ideal model. I chose the former. I will not hold unrealistic/misinformed expectations with a high rate of failure/debt/misery and use that as a looking glass to guesstimate how a new lifestyle would f*** me over. Building communication bridges, being fully open, connected, and supported with more than one partner seems so taxing because most people on here have never had that in a pure and consistent manner. Repeat my first sentence.
Your "logistical" point is mixing a collection of potential conflicts of twenty people, emotional burnout, and child custody...all of which, I'm not into. I am not trying to fit my poly lifestyle into the sinking ship of nightmares that is known as contract marriage. I have enough resources to provide for my house outside of conventional thinking. I apologize if you have been exposed to bad experiences with poly or learning about it, but damn....give me a break here.

2. Consent
"It can feel as though your discomfort and you by extension are the problems or the barrier to your partner(s)' fulfillment. You might say that that's a sign of a relationship that needs to have better communication or of self-esteem issues or something else and that all may very well be true! The problem is that real people aren't perfect. They come with baggage and if the predicate for a successful healthy relationship is that they not have issues, then... I'm not sure that the relationship paradigm is itself a successful one. While compromise is important in any relationship, not everything can or should be compromised. The nature of having more partners is that one has to make more compromises than one might otherwise."

Most of the issues you're listing I have rarely if ever come across in poly. You mentioned earlier that you don't understand poly on a personal level. It is not competitive, isolating, or ranked. From my perspective, your explanation is involving scenarios and factors from multiple types of poly relationships. Poly is not this confusing, bleak, isolated, and highly competitive environment of emotional devastation that you're describing. If that's what someone is feeling, you're not in a healthy relationship, you're being used. Please respect and separate those definitions and experiences.

Compromises. In work, school, and romance, most if not all people I've met struggle with compromising and admitting their wrong. back to this misconception of poly being this confusing fog-covered battleground of emotional booby traps.....that shit is false. You know women who have been tricked and messed over with poly? I know men who shot themselves in gas station bathrooms after their wife took the boat/house/kids while hubby was on deployment. The world sucks. but not everyone in it.
The first compromise (that I suggest) is to compromise your doubts, clearly speak your needs and what you plan to do if they arent met.

Flipping your perspective on its head, how about seeing multiple people trying different ways to connect with and support each other. That's the only poly I've known. Please ask about this side as much as you criticize the bad.

I respect that you're considerate and trying to be respectful. But that was borderline hurtful reading your post. I don't want to respond with anger or pessimism. There are just major loopholes and leaps in logic in what you're writing. I'm open to learning and discussing further if we can clear some of that up.

"(Footnote/joke: I'm probably just salty because I can't even find one partner and there are people out there with like eight. WHAT?! No fair!)