Kink Virgin

Kink Virgin

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Jan 26, 2021

A question for my fellow subs...

What advice would you have for someone who wants a dom/sub relationship, but has zero experience in the lifestyle. I've been researching and reading up for the last 2 years and I want to make sure I'm ready to be in this type of relationship. What are some things I need to know when first entering into this type of relationship. Tips? Advice? Insight?

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jan 26, 2021

Go slow !!!!!
Really get to know the person first..( in other words DONT JUMPinto a relationship)

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jan 26, 2021

Also know that it ISN'T ALL ABOUT SEX OR WHIPS, CUFFS AND SUCH. meaning being a Dom can do what he or she does with just a look or a word when it is with the right person.

KisforKitten​(sub female) • Jan 26, 2021

Hey,
that's such a good question!
I'd probably start by saying you can do as much research as you want but what you read is never going to be the same as a physical experience so it's always good to keep an open mind to everything. When I first started I was in my early twenties and i'd just got out of a long relationship with little to no kink and I went a bit wild really, I joined Fet and just tried everything that was offered to me and pretty quickly figured out what I liked and didn't like, I'm not saying you should do that necessarily but in order to know you have just got to give things a go and feel it out.

I think it's also really important to be aware that preferences change over time and what you think you might love now wont necessarily work for you, I always called myself a Sub and kind of forced myself into a box desperately trying to fit what I thought I should be and what others wanted before realising that I was much more of a little than a sub.

I hope that helps, and you get to explore sometime soon once Covid is over xx

MelMell​(dom female) • Jan 26, 2021

Are we ever really ready to be in any type of relationship? I honestly don’t think so. When I started D/s relationships I was exploring and wanted to find my way in this world. I read and researched for many years and I have led almost all the relationships I was in and I had a very strong personality in all of them. But even if my personality is that of a domme’s, a vanilla relationship isn’t the same as a BDSM one. So I jumped right into a D/s dynamic while telling potential subs that I was a newbie(which I still consider myself to be) and took it from there. Throughout this journey I’ve found a dominantion style that works for me and I adapt to what my subs desire as long as they aren’t a limit for me.
My advice for you is to explore. Find a mentor to guide you. Someone that can be flexible and experienced. Ask yourself what you want. Do you want a true relationship or something to satisfy your kink? Do you want it to be just sexual, emotional or a bit of both? It’s ok to not know at first and the right dominant can show you which aspect you would like more. As to how to choose a good dominant... read their profile, blogs and forum posts and see what type of person they seem to be and if you are interested message them and talk for a while and see if you are compatible.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Jan 26, 2021

Make sure that you understand the difference between Dominant and domineering; that you can recognize the signs of abuse and (the bad kind of) exploitation. Even if what you want is intense or extreme play that touches on themes of abuse, violence, and non-consensent; what you are probably looking for is the emulation of these themes. You probably want the artist, as opposed to the subject of the art; someone who can embody these things as opposed to being controlled by them. Try not to allow yourself to be deterred by a Dom(me) who approaches you politely. Dom(me)s are just people, and they have to test the waters just like everybody else.
Finally, I think it is important to understand that ‘normal’ should really be considered a bad word in the kink community. The whole idea revolves around making something that is yours, without fear of judgement. Maybe you like whips. Maybe you only like green whips. Maybe you like it when a whip is coiled up on the ground next to you because you have a fear of snakes that arouses you. There is no wrong answer.
Just make sure it’s consensual.

DrWakko • Jan 26, 2021

I am not sure where you are in california, but I would suggest finding your local munches and play space.

Also look for a “Women of Onyx” chapter. The Women of Onyx is a female run group for PoC. I believe they started out in Atlanta and have several chapters across the US.

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Jan 27, 2021

Wow all of you have given me great advice. I appreciate the recommendations
Definitely gonna look up the women of onyx. Are munches even still going on? Every time I try to look one up fetlife pops up, and i don't really like that site.