not so nice messages

not so nice messages

blossoming​(sub female) • Feb 28, 2021

hey bdsm world!

i’m fairly new to the life style, like my profile says. i’ve been on the website for a few weeks now. i’ve had 1 online dom and a LOT of uncalled for messages.

i’m here wondering if this is something that comes with the life style. the types of messages that really threw me off included
-threats because i didn’t answer
-somewhat stalking (found my real social media profiles)
-cussing and demanding responses
-name calling, accusations
- and (very) few have actually went as far to add my personal social media, and message me on there.

so my question is this-

i know in this world there is a lot of “things” that obviously wouldn’t fly in a vanilla relationship. i know that there are demands, degrading, etc.

am i in the wrong?? i know i’m new, but unless we have an agreement that it is okay and i feel safe enough with you to let you into my personal life, demand & degrade me.. i don’t think it should happen.

for awhile (still kinda do) i felt like it was my fault that i was getting those types of messages. maybe i put myself out there in a way that made them think it was okay? but part of me feels like if you’re a real dom, you’ll want to make sure i’m okay & feel safe with you first.. so we could go even farther.

is this something that is normal with this lifestyle?

obsequiae​(dom male) • Feb 28, 2021

This is not normal behavior, and you should report these members who are doing this stuff to staff. This is what is referred to as instantaneous doming, or "insta-doming". It is never okay for someone to come in and immediately start doing stuff that you would only be doing with someone you trust, unless you have given express consent to do so, and though I haven't read your profile I can only assume that you have not. People like this use this as a tactic to try and overwhelm and/or control a new or otherwise inexperienced submissive into submitting to them without all the work that goes into building an actual dynamic.

Remember it's your body, your life, and whatever line(s) you don't want crossed that they are crossing, that's not okay.

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 28, 2021

It's not your fault. You honestly ould blame society as for the most part all that unwanted attention stems from the aggressors that essentially cant get what they want from vanilla styled relationships combined with the ppl that think they can just do what they want. Ubber-dom/message and wanna-bes. It's all over these kinds of sites of how to watch out for these bad apples. Just block/ignore and move on as the only thing that can be done to stop that infectious disease or idealistics is to teach newbs that want to learn what mot to do in order to being accepted as active members of this society

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 28, 2021

No its not normal, and its not acceptable. I am really sorry your experience so far has been what it has been.

These people are not dominants, they are little boys, bully's, and abusers looking for easy wank fodder.

I am sorry this has happened, it is to a degree an internet problem, but there are these types in the physical world too. My advice block, don't engage and report them to site admin with screen shots of what they have said, and hopefully admin will ban them.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Feb 28, 2021

we would also like to add if they have followed you off site this is called cyber stalking and should be reported to the police as in the us at least it is against the law. and carries high fines as well as prison time.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Feb 28, 2021

P.S. just looked at your profile they found you off site because you have face picks up take the down or modify so the face is not seen. that will help stop this in the future.

miax​(sub female) • Feb 28, 2021

As a rule of thumb ,If you wouldn’t accept certain behaviours from strangers in the “real world” babe don’t accept them In this lifestyle , they are still strangers approaching you , they need to show you respect before any dynamics can be set up. Don’t worry that because you define as a sub that you can’t put your foot down with these things. Your submission is given freely not demanded.

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Feb 28, 2021

Dear gcat,

I am sorry you have experienced this intolerable behavior from these sad, pathetic losers.
This is not what the community is about. You are nobodies submissive until both of you agree having discused the dynamics, your needs, desires and most importantly limits.
Block and report them. Tell them to sod off if you want to. But don't feel pressured to listen to their bullshit.

The Cage has many friendly, caring and helpful people, both Doms and Subs who make up the community. Learn who they are on the forums and through chat and always seek advice should you need to.
I guess you have already removed anything from your profile that can link you to your social media but if not that's a first. You may want to remove some details like your exact age and experience, perhaps some pictures which will make you less of a target for these morons. (Far better for an interested Dom to take the trouble to learn about you in good time as you do her or him) .
Why not Check out some of the other subs profiles too.
Most of all, don't rush in but take your time. Anyone worthwhile will respect that.
The community supports you and will have your back.
Enjoy.

SG

luckygirl • Mar 1, 2021

Submission is not equal to weakness.
Dominance is not equal to strength.
Mental maturity does not always catch up with physical maturity.

OG Cupcake{4everAlone} • Mar 1, 2021

fuckboys, that's what i call them. some wonderful replies here. just wanted to reiterate that it is NOT your fault. there are plenty here just looking for some free porn. however, lots of good people here as well. stay safe.