Labels in relationships.

Labels in relationships.

emmmllliiininenine​(sub female) • Mar 7, 2021

Hello all,
I have been getting a lot of men who are men i went on dates with in the past or just from talking to that want to go out or date me. I try and explain that im single but i like someone. Many men just take that as I don’t like ‘them’ and thats not the case. The guy i like doesnt like labels and i dont want to lie and say im dating someone but also i dont want to explain that its not them. What should i say to those men? Would saying im “taken” be a lie? I think that would make it easier but also idk if its entirely true since im single.

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Mar 7, 2021

Labels are what you make of them I guess. In the past, I have struggled wondering why someone wouldn't put a label on a relationship. Sometimes, there are reasons behind it and those reasons indicate red flags. Other times, it just means a label doesn't carry significance to the person. The relationship and feelings involved have the meaning. Labels don't. I think I would ask your guy what he wants you to say if you're asked. That's what I would do. For me, not having a label has worried me in the past because I don't know what the relationship is or where it's going. The defining. It's important to define things between the two of you and know what the boundaries and expectations of the relationship are. That is much more important than labels imo. But you need to know where you all stand. Best of luck.

Zedland​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

In the short term you can tell anyone who asks you are "exploring possibilities with someone already." It is vague and ill-defined.

In the long term I agree with Devoted. More definition might be best.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

Some labels are a good thing while other may tie you down. If this guy thinks being called taken or 'in a relationship' is him being labeled then I call BS. He sounds like he wants to emotionally take you for a ride while being able to keep his options open.
Granted the whole 'no labels' thing started the generation before mine which escalated into what we presently have of repercussions from freedom of speech and lawsuits from being referred to as a gender you dont identify with.

Not wanting to label yourself or your gender or your individual body parts is perfectly fine, but not wanting to label your relationship is a clear sign of not wanting anyone to be able to identify you as having a relationship at all. It gives them the ability of doing what they want with who they want when they want whenever the want without your consent cause your 'relationship' with them has no label so it has no authority.

MisterWolf​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

Hello,

I am confused by your post. Is the person you “like” poly? Are you?

If you are dating and want to be transparent....I agree with Zedland.....something like “exploring possibilities” with others seems appropriate.

One Suggestion is to talk with person you like and decide if there is a relationship there or not… With whatever label you call it. If he is not going to commit or is poly, then you have your answer and can Then date other people with a clear conscience.

Whatever you do being transparent is the right approach.

Good luck.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 8, 2021

I agree with everyone above but I think what also might be missing here is what do YOU want?
you deserve what you want too! What do you dream off?
Your submissive, not a door mat. Or a commodity to used at will (unless you want that and have AGREED on that and it meets your needs but I'm guessing its not if, your posting to ask this)

If your wanting for more from the "no label, not a relationship" then it might be time to ask or cut your losses and move on with the men that do want more with you (and might suit your needs). Have you asked Mr no labels how he feels about you being with others? Can the goose do, what the gander does? or is there a lot more rules/guidelines/negotiation/discussions to be had? Do you even want to do that? Would you be "settling" if you did do that?

if your waiting for him to see how wonderful you are and suddenly decide, your the one. You might be waiting awhile and be in for heart break. He should know that already and you should already feel that way, in return form him.
He either doesn't care, doesn't want more or sorry to be blunt here....sees you as an "empty" (release). If your not feeling the center of his world and the "relationship/arrangement" is still in the shinny new area, its then potentially not going to suddenly shift into that arena. If its "new", that is normally as good as it gets! This is the stage of the relationship (hard to not use that word) is when the Oxytocin is flowing in BOTH partners. It might be time to face that his levels are only altering during orgasm and assess, are you good with only that? no shame if you are happy with that.

You shouldn't need to dim your light to be with the man you want. Submissive or not. Being submissive is about power exchange. What are you getting from the ..hmm...being available and willing at his command? Is what you get in return meeting your personal needs?

if you WANT a relationship, ask for one and you get your answer, right from the only person that can answer that question for you. If you don't and what you have works for you, when you ask yourself honestly and truthfully, then that is wonderful.

there are no rule books to unions and relationships. what there is, is what works for you BOTH.
just make sure it works for YOU too.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 8, 2021

Do'h forgot to actually answer the question you asked LOL ..I'd say "exploring my options" because in essence that is what you are doing.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 8, 2021

I may be oversimplifying this, but from my experience, the discussion of labels in a relationship is either purely semantic (in which case, the person with whom you are involved should have no issue with you applying whatever label is comfortable for you, even if it is different from what is comfortable for them), or it is a sign of different expectations within the relationship.
Clarify the expectations each of you have (keeping in mind that you might not like the answer, but opting for ignorance as a means of maintaining the ideal instead of understanding the reality is an unsustainable practice), and if those expectations align enough, determine with them how you should go about signaling your mutual devotion to any outside parties.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Mar 8, 2021

People want to try and simplify things with labels.

In reality it tends to complicate things a lot of the time. If the context isn't discussed and opinions are exchanged in regards to context then a label has no meaning.

You might like "him". But also like "them". You might tell yourself it's on the "same level" when you actually restrict happiness. Got to do the things that make people happy to be happy.

Someone might see things as "simple". But that's actually the dunning kruger effect. In reality, you only THINK you know. You can only know what you know. But what about what you DON'T know? A label often goes "I'm forcing this on you like you're canned food". Even bringing up something like "sub" can cause misunderstands when someone acts like it applies to you just because it's "broad". After talking about what I do and why I do it and talking about ME did things go better.

Little wonder communication is so needed when people have concerns about whatever area is being limited. Something that tends to be required less when people make the effort without having to discuss it. Some people are more giving and observant, easily homing in on your wants/needs. Others act like they'll care about you "as a" something, when they never asked or got your side of the story.

The only thing I'm like is me. And you're you. Let's talk about that instead. It just works. Proper understanding and making it about what isn't known does that. Which is why I can cut past being friend zoned or "not interested" excuses when people didn't even know what they were talking about.

Also worth noting people don't know themselves as well as they claim. Excuses and denial can do that. People tend to have something to hide, especially when they act like they're perfect. A lot of people will be reluctant to admit their flaws/issues. Those that admit it when called out are being honest with you.

Be very wary of anyone that pretends they're innocent.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 11, 2021

emmmllliiininenine​(sub female)
"Hello all, I have been getting a lot of men who are men i went on dates with in the past or just from talking to that want to go out or date me. I try and explain that im single but i like someone. Many men just take that as I don’t like ‘them’ and thats not the case. The guy i like doesnt like labels and i dont want to lie and say im dating someone but also i dont want to explain that its not them. What should i say to those men? Would saying im “taken” be a lie? I think that would make it easier but also idk if its entirely true since im single."
.....................

I would say, change the label. You are not obligated to report total truth to a random stranger. Especially if you aren't interested in them.
You're not available. (you don't have to explain it)
You're not interested. (you don't have to explain it)
You're starting something new. (you don't have to explain it)

Then end the conversation. And block those who keep coming at you.

I wouldn't waste time talking to men who had their shot and are out of the running. By being so friendly and polite you might be adding to the annoyance.

Some people approach everything with the singular goal of getting their way. Thus they will not stop and they don't care about you as much as winning.

If you allow them to engage you and flatter, appeal, and try to get your attention, you might need to look closer at your motivations. Sure it's nice at first to be wanted but you are either open or closed to new opportunities. Decide that and stand by it.

Even if you did end up with one of these guys, do you really want someone who is going to ignore your feelings or wishes?

No is no.
No label needed.
Once you say No. Act upon it.