I’m not broken!

I’m not broken!

Riverfaile​(sub female) • Mar 20, 2021

I’m so glad to have found this place, thank you all for showing me that I’m not wrong or broken because I have a need to submit.
I want to be the best possible sub for my Sir, I’ve read a few of the blog posts and will read more. Does anyone have any advice for a total newbie other than doing research and really pondering what it means to me to be a good girl?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 20, 2021

Yes, do not jump in head first or give away your submission to the first, or even second sweet talking person that comes along. Please take this very, very slow. Learn all you can about this first. This activity is incredibly dangerous, on an emotional level and a physical one. Some BDSM activity done poorly, or with ignorance can leave life changing injury, even kill you.

Please take your time, be cautious, don't fall to the sweeping frenzy, that can suck people into the maelstrom, not all make it out. BDSM is magical, its fabulous when everything is just so, fully informed consent in place, someone who cares, doesn't abuse and knows exactly how to wield the power they are gifted, the great responsibility given, and practice the activities safely, with experience, skill, knowledge and carefully.

I wish you the very best. I hope you only have a wonderful and magical time when you dip your toes into the ocean. For awhile walk along the shore and maybe get your toes slightly wet.

Riverfaile​(sub female) • Mar 20, 2021

Thank you for your advice, I’m already seeing the maelstrom. I don’t want to get caught in it.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 20, 2021

There is a wealth of info that will serve you well. Information is king in this, with education and understanding you can see what's safe and not, who might be dangerous to you and with that growing knowledge you can come to understand your needs, desires what you might be, what you might enjoy. It takes time to figure this all out.

I would suggest the following resources and you can learn a lot under your own power and agency. Many will tell you that you need in person experience to learn these things but you don't, or at least not right away, from the get go. With someone decent, ethical, caring, skilled yes, someone you connect to and can trust, who has earned your trust, not demanded your submission. Many will sweep into your inbox and demand, try to hood wink you, sell you their idea of bdsm. My advice is resist this and find your personal way first, and in time if you meet the right person, then carefully, explore more.

Books

Try the New Bottoming Book Book - Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy
Screw The Roses Send Me the Thorns - Molly Devon and Phillip Miller
Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington

Online Resources

Loving BDSM website and you tube channel
submissives guide website and you tube channel

There is plenty in these to give you some tools and understanding to chart your future course. Once you learn a bit it will spark questions, curiosity to learn more and direction to do so. I would also reach out to subs on here, such as alawey and morley, you can learn a lot from subs, doms best avoided until you know more and you understand yourself more. Its a bit like a sheep asking a wolf about hunting.

Once Covid is gone, you can try dungeon 101 introductory events at your local dungeon, community, club, then workshops, classes and munches.

I hope this helps, its the tip of the ice berg, but a useful starting point.

Maxorde{Not lookin} • Mar 20, 2021

As stated above, be very careful! Be shrewd in your choices and don’t give your submission lightly. The are a ton of insta-Doms and people of ill will. Get to know your Dom thoroughly before you submit to them. If they get frustrated and start berating you, then they are not the real thing.
On the flip side of that, there are a lot of good fellas out here that are happy to just give advise . I’m a firm believer that you can learn something from every single person on this site. I have been pleasantly surprised by the very high quality people on the site thus far.
Welcome to the cage! Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions!
Warmest regards,
M

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 20, 2021

Nothing speaks more to ppl than experience. Chat with whoever you can, ask any question you have, dont give money unless that's your fetish. You have the right to say NO, even as a slave, till you dont want that right. Unless you're Gorean. Theres a place for everyone and everyone has a place. Your consent matters. Your submission is a gift

CSI • Mar 21, 2021

Hello and welcome. I did a blog post about my experience with sub frenzy. My advice would be to breathe, vet thoroughly (think months rather than days or weeks before agreeing to anything), and know that the person that is meant for you will be there for you once you are ready. They will not rush you or try to push you or demand anything of you until you are ready. You can have what you wish for, but you need to know yourself: what you need, want, and desire, and also what you won't tolerate or do.