Master v Dom v sub v slave

Master v Dom v sub v slave

DrWakko • Mar 28, 2021

It seems to be common place for people to question if someone is a Master or not, however you don’t see or hear the same thing for someone who is a Mistress. This also goes for the other side of the slash. You never (or I don’t think I’ve ever) seen someone being called out for not being a slave.

As long as you don’t call yourself master you can label yourself what ever you want with almost 100% immunity. Why is that?

For those answering from an online only perspective please mention that you are coming from that perspective. Your perspective is valid and I want to hear it, but there is a difference between online and real life (real life includes ldr (( just because you use the internet to communicate when you can’t be together doesn’t mean it’s not real life))

DW

Curiousmind​(sub female){Owned} • Mar 28, 2021

I am sorry but the question I believe is worded a bit strange. Everyone can call themselves whatever they wish but it’s how another side ( sub/slave) perceives them. If someone calls himself a Master, I don’t have any problems with that . I only have problems when i am instructed to call this person a Master. You can’t tell anyone to address you as a Master. It has to come from deep inner realisation in the process of getting to know you as a person, in the process of a building a relationship, establishing and cultivating bond and connection.
Also, how online vs real life has anything to do whether someone can be addressed as a Master or not? The depth of an online relationship, the authenticity of emotions and feelings involved can be as real as in any irl relationships. Of course, online relationships are limited to physical touch but they are nevertheless very vital to some who can’t engage in rl for some reason or at least at this stage of their life.
I know the question is about being called a Master not the online vs irl but the reference was made in the last paragraph and it really puzzled me why...

DrWakko • Mar 28, 2021

The reason why I ask to separate online v real life is because there is a difference. In real life calling yourself a Master or claiming experience could end in life or death outcomes. Calling yourself master is just finding the correct keys on a keyboard.

Let me try to rephrase the question. If you call yourself Master you can/will get questioned, but no one seems to question your title role if you are Mistress, sub or slave no one seems to question it.

Hope that helps.

Curiousmind​(sub female){Owned} • Mar 28, 2021

The funny thing people do question whether i am a sub, or slave but as I believe it’s often the waste of time to try to explain to people. The actions speak louder than words and only through living this out you can show you true-self. Then another side would never question but have a deep realisation of who you are.
In regards to those who don’t know you, I wouldn’t waster time trying to prove otherwise. The most important is the relationship you are in and how you bond, connect and match each other

DrWakko • Mar 28, 2021

Do people question if you are sub or slave when you reject them? To me that’s more trying to take a dig or insult or make them save face than if you are a legit sub or slave.

Curiousmind​(sub female){Owned} • Mar 28, 2021

Exactly...spot on

Curiousmind​(sub female){Owned} • Mar 28, 2021

As a newbie first it upset me but now i know why i was questioned...to justify the “insult “ or “rejection “ of them as a dominant even though I always try to be nice to everyone and use my good manners when talking to others. I don’t mean any harm but if it doesn’t go anywhere why continue. Using labels you are not a sub or slave just an excuse to try to make a submissive guilty. I an wise to ignore such statements now

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 28, 2021

Been in the lifestyle about 20 years. Started as a Dom and became a Master in my early thirties. MAsT is a good organization for everyone though it is mostly M/s. I've attended many meetings with them and have had my opinion acknowledged and verified as much as the others. I've only had the validity of my position question once by both a jealous Dom and a former slave who both got the same answer. I'm a Master cause I say so and anyone to question me about it isn't worth their salt. Some may say you need your 'leathers' while others see it as a personal journey with no end as we're all always learning and becoming better selves.

Miki • Mar 28, 2021

Seems like a touch of semantics to me.

However I can only speak from an IRL perspective because I have never nor will ever do online BDSM. Nothing wrong with it. It just doesn't work for me..

That having been said, no one is going to call themselves by either "label" except in a like-thinking environment, (as opposed to on the city bus or at work) so I don't really think either would be called into question. It simply doesn't matter. Not in my opinion, anyway.

But --- What the fuck do I know? I'm currently "on the shelf". Taking a respite, cooling my heels, mulling everything over--- Pick the phrase that suits you. All simply mean I'm staying by myself and not looking.

Bunnie • Mar 28, 2021

Master and slave are the most questioned titles because they are the smallest denomination. Some people see it as an “elitist” thing... believing for some reason that it is a goal or position to be attained. So the questioning of said positions isn’t necessarily ever coming from a place of curiosity... more often it is coming from that ugly place of our humanity that is spiteful and competitive and requires “pulling others down to size,” or just that basic unwillingness to accept difference. Interestingly those who tend to actually move in M/s circles, don’t seem to see it that way. They simply see it as different people wanting and needing different things. The reason they can be questioned should they so happen to carry those titles, is because ironically, regardless of what is so often spouted in trying to play down their positions, there are community standards at which those titles are held at. Even Sadists are held at an ethical and moral standard.

This is where things tend to differ. There seems to be no standard at which a Dom or Daddy or submissive, are held at, beyond the memes we see circulating about “what it means to be a Dominant or Daddy or submissive.” The “anything goes” mindset that we so often see, is what creates a well... anything goes, mindset.

And please don’t fall into the trap of believing that Mistresses aren’t questioned. Oh boy, they’re questioned at every turn, from many more angles than men are. For me personally, from my own observations and experiences, Master and Mistress carry the same title, however I do not see that mindset commonly shared.