How to find someone 4 a 3some is HARD

How to find someone 4 a 3some is HARD

marriedandnusub • Jun 27, 2021

So after years of not opening up to my kinks and sexual needs and fantasy I told my husband my utmost desires.

we share a desire if a 3some with a female but we are hitting dead ends.

It's only been a few months but we live in a tiny town and ww know absolutely 0 people like us in person.

How do we meet someone safety? where do we find someone? Do we go on a date first?

any help or tips would be greatly appreciated!!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 27, 2021

Unicorn hunting.

Very few people are ever successful in this endeavour, which is why in the scene its known as Unicorn Hunting. Some are successful, but its rare. I would suggest that you might have more luck seeking in swinging communities, but you may have to travel to do so.

marriedandnusub • Jun 27, 2021

Forgive my newness and questions but I thought that was not something that is a good thing? or how do.we properly do it?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 27, 2021

@marriedandnusub

Its not a bad thing, but its not common for any couple to find a willing, enthusiastic third. Some poly groups, will play together and with each other, but three somes in the traditional sense are probably more common among swinger groups. You can advertise, make it known this is something you would like to explore. Safety everyone be tested and STI free, tests available to see, condom use, everyone be covid vaccinated once if applicable or twice if the vaccine used requires that. I would be inclined to approach this re how you would with any looking for a person. Don't rush in. be sure everyone wants to do this because once done, assuming that illusive third is found, the after damage can destroy relationships, jealousy, guilt etc is anyone of the participants is not fully up fot it. Everyone needs to be on the same page regarding the rules of engagement, and be fully enthusiastic and consenting, and the whole thing needs to be discussed before hand.

Good luck.

Miki • Jun 27, 2021

Small Iowa town.

You'll definitely need to travel.

But even then it is something you would usually "stumble across by accident/when you're not expecting it" rather than actively search for that elusive 3rd wheel.

It's not "impossible" but don't hold your breath. Instead, as mentioned above, try swinger groups but also as mentioned above, be prepared for human nature to kick in. Don't gbet on the long haul.


Otherwise, good luck!

MsLas​(sub female) • Jun 27, 2021

Speaking as a unicorn, the best place to find us is on Tinder, OKCupid and poly groups on FetLife. You could post a personal ad on here as well - if you found someone here, at least you'd know they understand kink and you could work that into your scene if you want.

I live in a kink & poly friendly city of about 2.5M people. I can keep my search parameters to less than 25 miles. Sounds like you'll need to open that up significantly and you may want to make your location the closest large city (assuming you're willing to meet there).

When you build your profile, tailor it to the app and the users on it. For Tinder, keep it concise and specific. Be clear about what you're looking for, that you're playing as a couple only, and post pictures of both of you even if they don't include your faces. Understand that at least 50% of the Tinder profiles are fake/scams. Vet carefully, make sure they're real, meet them somewhere public the first time and go from there.

For OKCupid, you have room to be more detailed with your profile. And you'll expected to do so, otherwise, people will think you're fake. Don't write a book and include lots of pictures. Again, be specific about what you want. You'll find most of the people on this app are poly couples and quite a few practice BDSM. The majority of the profiles seem to be real, it's just a much smaller user base, so don't expect the volume you see on Tinder.

I use FetLife as more of an event search tool. We're still getting out of the pandemic, so events have been slow coming but the clubs are open and I'm seeing more munches getting scheduled. Munches would probably be the ideal way to find what you're looking for. Who wouldn't want to meet a variety of people at one time, face to face and know immediately if you click rather than going through the rather lengthy process of finding someone online? So, definitely look for these and take advantage of them if you can.

The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to understand it's going to take some time find the right person, so be patient. Set realistic expectations. And of course, condoms.

Good luck!

marriedandnusub • Aug 4, 2021

Thank you to everyone who took the give to respond! We have expanded and talked about munched as well. We know we will have to travel. We just want to do this all the right or proper way. My husband and I both want this and have talked in depth about everything including hard limits during. We want to find someone we connect with and everything too. Someone who lives the same stuff and wants the same. It seems hard to get into the community when your living in a tiny community that doesn't see anything other than m/f vanilla monogamy as ok. We have connected with a friend that is/was in the lifestyle but is no longer with her new bf. She is helping guide us to meetings and such as well.

Thanks again everyone. Anymore advice will always be helpful and appreciated!!

Daddystoynurse • Aug 4, 2021

Good luck, we have been unicorn hunting for almost a year now with no luck!
We have been stood up, canceled on at the last minute and ghosted by females that say they are interested. It can be very frustrating as a sub that is trying to please your Dom.
Again good luck!!

salutexlovely​(sub female){{Owned}} • Aug 5, 2021

So the real issue is meeting someone interested and willing to travel or you to travel to since local isn't a option. I would check out only fans to be honest... I think it's a practical way to meet someone game. And that way if the relationship begins "distanced" the concern for safety and healthy is not so paramount unless you all decide to move forward...

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Aug 12, 2021

We found our unicorn on a swingers site but there are a lot of ridiculous people and fake profiles on there. (So many dick pics! ) I have a good eye for these things and knew what I was looking for. I think I whispered to the universe and was heard... She is one of my best friends now and the best unicorn anyone could ask for! Put it out there but be patient and selective, know what you want and make sure the FF has strong connection. That is important for me. Good luck!