Are slaves also subs?

Are slaves also subs?

EbonyLeather​(sub female) • Nov 20, 2021

Recently, I met up with a ‘dom’ off this platform that left a sour taste in my mouth. This was rather unfortunate as we actually had a pretty fun night, where we had dinner with some of my friends, and then the two us went out for drinks till late in the morning. Although there was no sexual chemistry on my part, I had a very fun night and would have been happy to remain friends.

It all went awry, when the conversation turned to the cage in the early hours, as we shared a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. I opinioned that a slave was not a submissive. Although they do submit to their master there is massive difference between the two. I do to an extent admire those that can be involved in the slave/ master dynamic, but I am more inclined towards the sub/Dom dynamic, particularly as I do have bratty tendencies. I could never see myself as a slave. I mean I have been previously approached by a Dom who already have a slave and wanted a sub to join him in dominating his slave. That itself tells me that there is a difference between the two.

In my mind I see being a Sub as being equal to a Dom in all aspects of life other than sexually, where as a slave is obedient to all their master’s demands. Their lives are fully mapped out to their master’s will, where a sub consents to what aspects may or may not be controlled. He asserted that slaves are special, to which I did not disagree, as it does take a special kind of person who gives up their will so absolutely.

He seemed shocked by my views? *fist fights and hair pulling begins* Apparently my OPINION was incorrect and his was fact…. At this point my time would have been better spent arguing more definite philosophical conundrums, such as whether we will get reincarnated as a sloth. He then all of a sudden got up and left, and I suspect rather promptly deleted me of the platform we were conversing on. I found this to be rather churlish behaviour from a ‘Dom’. Surely it would have been more adult to let me know if I had offended him, clear up any misunderstandings and end the night/morning on a high.

So…my question to you lovely people is was I wrong in what I said?
Is a slave different to a submissive?

Love, light and Hedonism
Ebony x

P.s. it is not my intention to offend or limit anyone and I am always open to learning and being corrected.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 20, 2021

Some people use the term interchangeably (wrongly) but while a sub can have slave tendencies, a slave is different to a sub.

Sounds like you encountered a lesser spotted gate keeper, one twue way, my way idiot.

Orgazmo​(dom male){serenity m} • Nov 20, 2021

Assuming both the hypothetical Master/slave and Dom/sub pairings are SSC (Safe San & Consensual)

The relationships (and limits) are defined by the participants.

So whether someone cares to define themself as a slave or sub is a matter of personal preference or that of their partner if that's what is agreed upon.

CSI • Nov 20, 2021

I was once told that slaves are always submissives, but submissives are not all slaves.

So, in my opinion, there are three separate types you have mentioned. Some might say this is gatekeeping, but to me it is just explaining what I have learned.

Bottom - the one that is receiving actions in the bedroom/scene/sex/insert your preferred descriptor here. They are not submissives or slaves outside of the bedroom/scene/what have you.

Submissives - engage in power exchange dynamics both in and out of the bedroom/scene/etc. These dynamics have set parameters, where the submissive has said "these are my limits" and they are respected (or certainly should be), and the dominant expects the submissive to do/be available/be agreeable to whatever they discussed and agreed upon. Set bedtimes, supper ready whenever they come home, be ready for sex whenever, do as you are told, wear certain garments when going on a date or even addressing them a certain way.

Slaves - engage in total power exchange dynamics. These arrangements do not develop immediately overnight and take at the very least many months and it is usually more like years. This is where the submissive/slave basically goes "I trust you completely and implicitly and know your likes and dislikes and that you know me well enough to not hurt me, so your limits are my limits. I am yours wholly and completely."

That being said, I need to be clear that these are all completely voluntary and no one can or should be forced to be any of the positions above. Shouldn't need to be said but consent is key.

SuperEight​(sub female) • Nov 20, 2021

I guess I've always seen subs and slaves on the same spectrum? Obviously there are some key differences between the two but they tend to fall under the same umbrella terms. You bring an interesting point though, perhaps they ARE different enough that they deserve two different categories. Who's to say though really? I'm certainly not going to go around attempting to define roles in relationships that are not my own. And roles can change over time and become something entirely different than what they were when the relationship started. One could certainly start as a D/s dynamic and change into M/s, but where can we draw the line between the two?
I'm sure I'm rambling at this point but your post got me thinking and I enjoy challenging the status quo of labels

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 20, 2021

Oh I must pipe in. Please don't come for me either, I am just sharing my mature and personal understanding'

"Back in my day" she says in her grumpy old whiskey drinking cigar voice, the difference is/was? a submissive has options, choices, a voice in what she will accept or consent to. Some have an individual lives with goals, work, careers, etc. some are homemakers.
They can discuss things with their dominant, ask advise, be led toward the improvement of self (or should be) and the betterment of the home under the direction of their dominant. (think of the wives of old, whose husbands words were law, and trust me, got their ass beat sometimes as well)

A slave has none of those things. Hence the term, slave. She/he has no say, no opinion, no choice in how she is used or not used, not just about sex y'all)
She/he is property. they do what they are told, serve as they are instructed and at the total whim of their Master, hence the original definition of TOTAL Power exchange. Slaves do not have safe words, does a car have a safe word? nope, it is property owned and in the care of the driver, if he choses to drive 100 mph and ruin its tires or cruise at a mellow 35. his property, his choice.

A master however is the one responsible for the care of his property, he/she provides the home, food, clothing upkeep of his property. The slaves livelihood is dependent on him. Their world is centered around whatever their owner demands without objection or complaint in return for these provisions. Todays slave CAN leave, .."Good Lord, now where the hell is that railroad ? Run miss bessi Run !!) ". Slaves are 24/7 365, period. A submissive can become a slave, but a slave is not a submissive once she/he gives TOTAL power to her master.

This relationship takes years to develop because of these very reasons. It should not be given without deep thought, conversation and trust. It is not cause you feeling kinky one night or 2. That's role playing, fun bedroom games, variety on a Friday night cause Saturday is national bath night.

I'm no expert, just a woman who still writes in cursive, but I know a lil something about the meaning of slave in and out of modern day BDSM

Again...PERSONAL input and understanding so before you ruffle them feathers., put them back in the box and save them for its intended use ... wink wink

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 20, 2021

A bottom by my understanding is not a submissive, they enjoy sensation and activity but do not submit and they direct what they want, require.

Sasa​(dom female) • Nov 21, 2021

Why do you have to put everything into little boxes and don't just be yourself, no matter what it is called. Don't you think it's pointless to measure yourself against anything? There is just you as you are right now and that is changing the whole time.

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 21, 2021

hahaha Sasa, I was just thinking of writing a blog or post about that very thing. I hate titles. I feel like I'm ordering at Starbucks sometimes with all the labels and extra letters added to things now. "I'll have a hot mocha double expresso mint pumpkin latte with coconut milk no whipped cream topped with caramel and a sprinkle of macha powder and make it a venti please." says the bdsmssbbwsubmissive petLGBTBi-sexualcrossdressingownedproperty of MasterXsharedwithDomHowieQRSTUVWXYZ LOLL

it's so confusing sometimes. I just like what I like lol and do what I do.. You may have a whole new question for the forum on it's own merit

DrWakko • Nov 21, 2021

Boxes are quiet helpful in the beginning. It helps us understand who are what we are by use of common definitions. The boxes are useful for both potential partners. One partner gets to fill the boxes and the other gets to check off the boxes they want in a relationship (both get to do this). The more boxes I can provide the more info someone has to go on when it comes to being in a relationship with me. There is a whole lot less guessing.

Once you are in a relationship than the boxes really don't matter as much.