Mental health & BDSM

Mental health & BDSM

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 13, 2021

Do you think kink partners should reveal any mental health diagnoses, and whether or not they are in treatment for them, to eachother? I'm mostly talking about a long term situation, as I'm not sure this would necessarily apply to pickup/casual play.

I don't know if it would affect everyone, necessarily, but I can certainly see how in theory a mental health diagnosis might affect how one approaches their kinky play. Maybe folks with certain diagnoses might need to be more aware of how they or their partners behave during scenes, or require a certain type or duration of aftercare.

I think there's potentially a lot to discuss about this topic, so I'm curious to hear what y'all have to say.

House Talion​(dom male) • Dec 13, 2021

Mental health effects the physical well being. Such information should be required

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 13, 2021

Yeah, that's about where I'm at with it.

SensuousScott​(sub male){Scott} • Dec 13, 2021

https://bdsmrules.org/bdsm-rule-ideas-mental-health/#rules

BDSM has been proven time & time again, is fantastic for people's mental health.
Issue is, like the rest of the world. Finding the right people who understand mental health & BDSM together.
Finding kinkster's, is always about finding the right person/s, or people. Story of my life LOL

Zvengali • Dec 14, 2021

...........How do you know...if you dont ask ? That is what makes this lifestyle much much different than Vanilla...we dont learn about someone as we go as in the Vanilla world. A vanilla relationship, ten years later, they break up and he finds she is on a BDSM site....then asks "Why? I didnt know you liked such things" Her answer is..."You never asked me"...IF YOU DONT ASK....Youll never know. How can you possibly play with someone who is a sub/slave or topping them. And NOT ask them if they have ANYTHING that you should know about, physically or mentally ?. If you dont ask, youll never know...

..........Zvengali

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 14, 2021

It's not a simple question me thinks.

i'm a critical care nurse and when i get new patients, i see their medical history and it doesn't always have to do with the acute issue they're dealing with in hospital. Some have mental health issues that do not affect interaction, others do.

People aren't horses or used cars, i can see the dilemma of revealing every malady up front, can really throw a wet blanket on proceedings.

i recently got together with a great guy after a couple of months of getting to know each other online. We spent several days together and he had a couple of anxiety attacks and took the meds that go with them. His ability to orgasm is also affected by the meds he takes. He's a great guy and i love him, i don't know if knowing this stuff ahead of time would have affected things?

It's not a simple question, but it absolutely affects the dynamic. To me, there is no question of self disclosure, i think the hard part is knowing when?

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 14, 2021

That's kinda what I'm thinking too. I think that information should be shared, but timing can be important. Like if you just meet somebody and are kinda flirting around and you immediately tell them you're schizophrenic and paranoid delusional or something.. that's a good way to scare somebody off. I feel like you have to warm people up first, reel them in a bit, *then* let out the crazy slowly, lol.

Zvengali • Dec 14, 2021

Yeah I get it now.....The surprise is the best part....oy The neighbors said he was just a nice quiet guy.....Id rather know now, than later ?

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 14, 2021

I call it ethical illness.

Informed Consent: This is a great example of what informed consent really means.

If you appreciate the risk factors of how we engage in this realm. And if you wish to enter into an informed and ethical relationship- be that play or more - then you can only build that foundation with honesty.

When you don't tell that other person you have denied them the right to informed consent.

Be specific: When we say "mental health issues" it is this vague, nebulous thing that some people have. But health issues of any type are not static. You don't get an issue and stay put with it. Many more health issues are both fluid and engaging. Which means they can change without warning and engage other aspects of functioning.

Also, not everyone with a given health issue exhibits or reacts to it the same. Some require medications that impact them systemically.

Tell the truth: I've always been honest with my health history (physical and emotional) and that sometimes meant I was declined and that can be hurtful, to say the least. But those who knew my story and chose to be in a relationship with me (which was the majority) were 'really' there for me.

I'm sure many more people take the risk of not saying anything than do. So it really is a question of what type of experience in play or relationship you want to have. I had a debate with someone back years ago when they discovered that I told potential partners that I was a cancer survivor (and the occasional depression that fighting that fight can cause). The disease was chronic and there was no way to know if it would return.

This person said to wait until the new guy cared for me and then tell them. And then they walk away when I care for them too? Or something happens during a scene and after the paramedics show up they find out I was not honest with them?

When anyone I was meeting told me about health issues they had I only asked two questions. "Are you dealing with it with a doctor or medical team?" and "Will you continue to be honest with me about how that is going?"

You can't depend on the whole trust concept of what it is that we do (mentioned in most profiles) and not trust your partner with your challenges or act in ways that will prevent someone from trusting you. Makes no logical sense.

I suspect that sometimes people who don't tell are not dealing with their challenges. Or not seeing the doctor or taking meds they need to take. That raises the bar and is in my book deceptive and dangerous. Since we can't police everyone's motivations, it all boils down, again, to compatibility. I need someone who is as ethical with such things as I am whether they have physical or mental concerns. Or both.

H*

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 14, 2021

I'm not sure I like the implications of that comment. Mental illness does not mean a person is going to behave in some big traumatic way.