A good sub

A good sub

pxincess​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2022

Hii, I’m really new to this lifestyle but I’ve always known I was into it. I just recently started being on the cage and haven’t really been successful with picking the right dom. They are either just horny or really aggressive, and I’m so submissive that I can give in so quickly but don’t know if I’m giving it to RIGHT one. Does that make sense? I have met one really nice dom that met all my standards but he recently left because I forgot to put in my bio that I was talking to a dom, I felt like I let him down and was just really disappointed in myself. Can I please get any pointers on how to find the right dom for you and how to be good for them please? Thank you. <3

pxincess​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2022

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cherilynn​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2022

Hey there!
Welcome to the cage and to bdsm in general. Here's hoping you make great friends and have wonderful experiences.

On to your question.
The problem often times with being new is that we want to put the cart before the horse so to speak.

My suggestion to you is to stop looking for a partner at this point in time and really take the time to get to know yourself and what you are seeking in this life. Once you have gained a lot of knowledge and self awareness, then you will have a much better idea about who you are searching for and whether or not they will be a good fit for you.

Another benefit to knowledge and self awareness is safety. There are sharks out there just circling the waters waiting for fresh meat. You need to be able to recognise these predators when they come around and shut them down or you can be seriously injured or killed. Not trying to scare you but that's the truth.
( no need to shout out on your profile that you are new and so forth...)

I am sure some more experienced folks will be along shortly with more and better advice so that's all I've got for now.

Again, welcome. I am so glad you are here

cherilynn​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2022

To the OP,

Being nasty to people right out of the gate isn't really a good way to start things off.
The people here are awesome and help out new folks all the time.

Either they arent going to reply now or you are going to get ripped after that bitchy comment.

Good luck with that

pxincess​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2022

Thank you for that advice! I know what I want as for myself I just never been in action with it irl and so I don’t know how to “treat” them yet and a lot of doms take advantage of that online. Im gonna start not telling ppl I’m new a lot cus they do take that as I am a dummy lol

CSI • Feb 11, 2022

Hello and welcome. I am going to hope that you know all about sub frenzy and echo everything Cherilynn said. It is so important to know alllllll about who you are and what you want. I would say a conservative number of horny instadom types that you will find on here or any other site is 90 out of 100. These people just want to get off and use you for their personal gratification or to add to their spank bank. You have to set and enforce boundaries for yourself: something like "I will not add a potential dom to my profile unless we have been talking consistently for 3 months", "I won't send nudes to anyone I haven't been talking to consistently for at least 6 weeks", or "unless we have been vetting intensely for 6 months and a potential future with solid plans for meeting, I will not consider it anything more than getting to know one another".

We have all been there. It is exciting and heady and you really want to just find your person and live your happily ever after. Buuuut, the reality is actual available dominants are few and far between. It can take years (depending on your standards) in order to find the perfect fit.

And finally, most dominants should be far more secure in themselves and wouldn't leave just because you didn't list them in your profile. That shows a level of immaturity and insecurity and is rather childish. Vetting should take a minimum of months and just because you are talking does not mean you own one another. He isn't a dog marking his territory by peeing on you. You didn't fail or miss out on anything, in my opinion. You just haven't found the right person yet. Breathe, get to know yourself and take your time. Your person will find you when the time is right and there will be no rush or pressure on either side for seemingly rushing it along.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Feb 11, 2022

Do you mean new as in you didnt do any research ?

pxincess​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2022

To fygila, no I mean new as in I’ve never had an dom but I know how everything works

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Feb 12, 2022

The first lesson about BDSM is you think you know but you don't. Research isn't enough, practice isn't enough, introspection isn't enough, being trained isn't enough - it all needs to be done. Training/a mentor is a better idea than going straight to a dynamic. Speak to experienced submissives, not some guy who wants to play with you and 'teach' you how to be submissive. Taking a submissive on a journey from naive innocent to needy slut is what appeals hence the love of new subs. This is fine but just be prepared for the disappearing act, which tends to be when you become hooked.

My ultimate relationship advice is: learn about the chemical effects of new romance on the brain, love bombing/manipulative behaviours and implement boundaries.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Feb 12, 2022

Hello and welcome,
I agree with what CSI said. And I also will add NO ONE KNOWS HOW EVERYTHING WORKS. I mean not disrespect by saying this. Just that every dynamic is different. ( so what happens or works for one , does mean it will in another).

So I say keeping doing you research and growing, go to a munch, talk other subs who have been here . Read blogs and see who is respected by others and has the same mind set ( or train of though) of you. And reach out to them.

Also you have only been here like 2 days. Slow way down, there is not any rush. Any "Dom" worth his salt wouldn't collar or claim you after talking once or twice. Or in my opinion within a month or more even. ( just my thoughts on that) seriously vet as you are getting closer to a dom . There are blogs on here by a few of us on vetting . And my blog along with a few other are mainly on safety .