Dom loosing control

fifteen annakitten​(sub female) • Jun 7, 2022

So what if she did?

fifteen annakitten​(sub female) • Jun 7, 2022

I'm sure you're frustrated with some of these responses as many completely ignored your questions and even victim blamed you for something that didnt even go down the way you said, ugh. I find it impossible to get advice on these sites due to this.

You asked has anyone been in this situation before and shouldn't a Dom always be in control of his bevavior. I'm going to assume you asked these bc you were taken aback by this behavior and are feeling a bit icky about it and want to process the experience.

I have, I had a Dom accidentally spill a beer on my head DURING a scene and another one show up high. I've had one take pictures of me without my knowledge then get angry when i called him out on it. I've had prospective Doms get angry at questions I ask them . Doms are people first, people can be assholes, have anger management problems, be predators and not really understand a D/s dynamic and put unrealistic expectations on others. Also, personally, I don't buy this Doms vetting subs business, when I met a Dom, in my mind- I'm deciding on them, they aren't deciding on me. That's not to say they all are interested in me but I think you know what I'm saying. I'm pretty militant when it comes to vetting and even I've had the above slip through. People are good at misrepresenting themselves.

fifteen annakitten​(sub female) • Jun 7, 2022

"For the record, that sounds victim blaming...

This stinks."

Came here to say this. I'm assuming the irony is lost on the poster stated that.

Miki • Jun 7, 2022

Absolutely! That had to be the worst representation of what this forum is about. That's why we're here. None should worry about what to post and what not to post-- so long as it's within the boundaries set by the site's management. (TOS)

I hope you (O P) feel welcome and continue to post on the forums.

As for that "dom"-- you gotta be careful even at public places like munches (I shiver at what can happen when doing a private meet-and-greet with someone solely known from Online)

Unfortunately there are more of those out there than I care to contemplate. Good rule of thumb.. when someone appears to be ... "indulging" more than you would think is prudent, little to no good can come of it. Vetting or not, when you see shit like that, it's best to beat feet. Move on, etc.

NONE of this is your fault and I am glad you weren't too badly hurt. But what you learned from this is yours to keep moving forward!

Zelia • Jun 7, 2022

Welcome, I haven’t experienced this and agree people need to be in control of themselves and their emotions, within and outside of the lifestyle. It is not okay to be slapped like that particularly given the context you described. It’s maybe a good thing that the person you were with showed their lack of control outside of a scene where you had more control than you might have had otherwise.
Sorry it happened to you and glad you had the presence of mind to deal with it effectively and in a way that showed yourself the appropriate respect. Best to get out now than hope it was a one off that won’t be repeated, that’s almost never the case.

Atila​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2022

I see people here blaming you. It’s not your fault. Forget about him being a dom and you a sub. He is a grown man and should know his limits. If that was my munch, I would ban him, no question about that. People sometimes are such dicks in this kind of conversations, so, I repeat, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. He has a drinking problem, obviously. They shouldn’t let him in again until he gets help.

cumkittykitty​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2022

We were vetting eachother, when I feel ready to have a Dom again. He invited me to a few munches that we have been attending almost weekly for the past 3-4 months. We would also meet to chat about our interests, my grief, moving forward, etc. As I mentioned, drinking is a normal thing for him. Looking back, we maybe only had 2-3 one on one chats where he wasn't drinking. He was not drunk, per say, but now I'm reflecting and I think he could very well be a high functioning alcoholic. God, the more I think about this, the more red flags I'm seeing of how dangerous and out of control he could be. Talking to his current and former subs, they all mentioned that he drinks before and during scenes, and encourages them to do so too, but stoped short of outright calling him out for things going too far. They all sounded a bit scripted??? Similar words and phrasing kept coming up????
We had been socialising at some of the munches he invited me to for the past 6 months before moving on to vetting.

cumkittykitty​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2022

The actual incident when he struck me was a week ago yesterday.

Atila​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2022

How is that guy still welcome anyway? He sounds completely irresponsible. He's going to end up seriously hurting someone. I'm sorry for him, but it's not your problem. I'm glad you are out of that situation.

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Jun 8, 2022

That's a good question. My guess is that he has never done that before at a munch or nobody has reported it to the munch organizer(s). Hopefully that has been done.