So something went awry…

So something went awry…

tallmanpeter​(other male) • Apr 8, 2023

So you tried something new, and it didn’t go exactly to plan. Oh dear. Maybe something hurts, you’re bleeding, you can’t move, or you can get something out of somewhere, and you need help. So you call 911. From an EMT, here’s what to expect.


First, don’t be ashamed. You discover pretty early on that work titties and non work titties are very different (except for your partners, but I digress.) In order to place EKG’s we have to manipulate female breasts all the time. And guys, y’all have a great IV vein at the base of your penis (that was a crazy call). We aren’t getting off, but simply doing our job. I promise.


Second, be honest. PLEASE! I need to know what and where. If you tell me you have something stuck in a hole, not just anal pain, I can help make you comfortable and be prepared for any internal bleeding that could occur. I promise we aren’t judging you (we’re maschocists too, we work healthcare in 2023) we need to be as informed as possible.


When we pick you up, if you’re able to walk please do, if not please let us know. We’ll bring our stretcher to you. If you’ve got bleeding or rope burns you should let us know immediately. We will need to get an idea of what has happened, but you may not need to expose yourself completely. We’ll cover you up and take you to the truck. We’re gonna ask a bunch of questions like name, birthdate, and Social (no we’re not stealing the $13.79 from your account, we need to see your medical records and be able to tell the er who you are.)

Don’t ask us to remove the object, that’s not a good idea. We don’t throw what that object had done to you, it could be holding back some major bleeding. Unless it’s immediately blocking your airway, we are generally going to leave it in place. Surgeons are paid a lot more than us.

We might have to stick you with an IV, and that’s okay. We’re very good at it. But if you don’t want one, you have the right to refuse. We’re not gonna stick you unnecessarily though, it’s there for a reason.


If you want, ask for someone of the same gender to ride with you in the back. It might not always be possible due to staffing issues or injury , but we’ll do our best to help you out!


Your partner will more than likely not be allowed to ride, although this can vary from service to service. Some places are different then others. They are more than welcome to meet you at the ER. It normally takes a few minutes to get you checked in but as soon as you are then they can come on back (in most cases).


We’re not gonna tell anyone. And I mean ANYONE what happened. And that goes for the hospital too. If your mom is in the house when we get there and doesn’t know why we were called, she won’t know when we leave either. We are honor bound to keep your secrets (we can also get in BIG trouble) and want to protect you. What you decide to tell them is your business, and personally I’ll tell them you got stung on the leg by an elephant if you ask me too.


We don’t give a shit about insurance. I work on an ambulance, not a billing office. Tons of people can’t pay upfront. There are so many programs that can help cover the cost, even without insurance. If it’s a real emergency, you shouldn’t worry about money. That comes later and isn’t as bad as you think it is. I promise. Our normal bill at my service is 400 for a bad call where we use a lot of stuff . The patient normally paid like $20 if that. It’s okay. Don’t freak.

Just remember, we’re here to help, we keep your secrets, and we do care about you, not what you’ve done. We’ve seen way WAY worse and we want to keep you safe.



Finally, IF THERES NO FLARE , IT DOESNT GO THERE!!!!!!

Comment below all your questions.

Miki • Apr 16, 2023

Then there's the guy who had the brilliant idea that a pool filter intake orifice was a great way to get a quick, powerful blow job.

It actually happened but I don't recall when and where or what article I saw it in. He was very fortunate someone was in the area when the pain got crazy, shut the pump off and called the fire department. It may not have killed him but it likely saved his wanger.

Of course the responders were courteous and compassionate but once they dropped the guy off at the ER they must have been in tears with laughter.

But these things happen, unfortunately, and it could have been far, far worse... recall actor David Carradine in a Bangkok hotel. The poor old fuck decided to try erotic asphyxiation with a rope while spanking his Bishop.

Of course no one would say publicly whether he got to blow his load and feel the incredible orgasm in so doing, before he bit the dust, but that was what happened.

There was initial talk of suicide or foul play until his relatives hired an independent M. E. Suicide and foul play were ruled out as causes of death.

Again, Bangkok officials were mum on the down-and-dirty details but ruling out suicide or murder, what's left?

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So anyway... aside from cautioning everyone to not shove anything up their ass for pleasure that is not designed for the purpose, there are multiple other things people ought never consider for the sake of getting their rocks off more intensely than usual.

TwoRingsOneChain • Sep 7, 2023

This is a true story that I heard on the radio about seven or eight years ago. It was on the Drew and Mike show in Detroit Michigan the title of this part of their show was called the strangest things ever pulled out of people.

When I heard it I was driving down the freeway, and I was laughing so hard I nearly got in a wreck.

To keep my brain straight I'm going to refer to these two guys as Fred and Bob.

Two men were having animal sex in California. It started with Fred inserting a tube in Bob's ass. Once the tube was in place Fred set a gerbil into the tube and coaxed the gerbil down into the tube and into Bob's anus.

After a few minutes, Bob started crying out "enough, enough". Fred tried to retrieve the gerbil, but the more he poked and prodded at the durable it only delved deeper into Bob's anus.

At this point Bob was screaming as the gerbil is clawing its way deeper in. To try to locate the gerbil Fred decided to light a match which caused a slight "Poof" to take place, igniting some methane gas.

They caused some of the hair on Fred's face to burn, but it also caused the gerbil to dig in even deeper. Fred called 911 and the emergency crew arrived within minutes finding Bob's ass well into the air and a live gerbil inside

He was rushed to the hospital, where the doctors had another problem as the gerbil was still alive. They ended up calling up the DNR telling them it was their job to remove the live animal.
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tallmanpeter​(other male) • Sep 7, 2023

That, that is a call that gets told at retirement parties. And I can 100% believe it lol