Surprising your Dom

Surprising your Dom

Sweet Marilyn​(sub female){MtM} • Apr 18, 2023

It's been about 3 years since i joined the community and quite honestly i feel happier than i ever thought i could.
i feel like i have received so much from my partners, i wish there was some way i could show them how much they mean to me. What can a sub give or do for her Dom that has everything He needs?

QeD​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2023

Without knowing more about your situation and Id say there is a reason why you and him have worked out for as long as you have. Reflect on what it is that you offer him that makes you give him something he wouldn't have without you. That should help you find out what direction you should take your Gift since it could symbolize that special something you are in his life same as he is in yours.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2023

To add to what @QeD said (nice username, dude! ...I'm such a math nerd, sigh), it really is more of a personal question, and would also depend on what sort of "love language" your Dom appreciates.

Knowing what they're into, you can plan some grand event (like, I dunno...he likes musicals? surprise him with a date night where you take him to a musical and dinner after--or perhaps better yet, take him to dinner before and torture him by having him guess what the surprise is, do NOT let it slip. Don't do this if you don't have a good poker face. He likes skiing? Surprise him with a skii trip. Etc.) This is all assuming that he likes surprises in general, I suppose we can assume this since you're even asking this question.

Now, depending on the Dom, such grand gestures may not be necessary to make them feel that you're attending to their needs. And special events like this are nice, but they do not constitute "everything one needs", no single event can do that.

But I will give you a story about the kind of surprise that you can do in your every day lives to make sure your Dom feels special.

(Before we begin, bonus pro-tip: Not really a surprise, but actually being a good girl and doing what he says. Not saying you can't be a brat or anything like that, but if he spends most of his time dealing with issues as opposed to being with you and doing fun things and building a life together, I would suggest you fix that first. If there are chronic issues with a dynamic, a few nice surprises won't save it. So if he's always complaining about some rule you're always breaking, say...stop breaking that rule. That would do a lot.)

OK, back on track! Here is something that happened to me the other day that my sub did for me that made me feel special and that she cared about my needs. It wasn't anything big, but it's an every day sort of thing, it doesn't need to be big.

As the Dom, I'm always taking care of my babygirl and trying to attend to all her needs. I enjoy doing this, and I like seeing her happy, and when I do something for her, I don't expect anything in return really. If she tells me about an issue she is having, I make it a priority to deal with it, even if it's "simple". I was surprised the other day with my sub flipping the script on me!

My sub visited me and I casually mentioned that I could not find my favorite body lotion (moisturizing is important!) and I had gone to several stores and I was joking about how all the stores conspired against me to get rid of my favorite lotion. I was joking, and ended up buying another brand of lotion. I did not expect my sub to remember my comments, much less do anything about it. BUT, she took it upon herself to find a local store that had the lotion I liked and got me three bottles! (She also paid attention and realized I always buy things in bulk...gotta always be prepared, right?)

It was a surprise. And it was the best. It made me know that she was attentive to my needs. She remembered me talking about something I lacked and I wanted, and she took it upon herself to get it for me. It was a surprise because I did not expect it. I am supposed to be taking care of her, right?!

It melted my heart, and was a great surprise.

So, I would suggest things like that. Just start paying attention. What is an issue your Dom has, or some lack he complains about but that he has not asked (and does not expect) you to do something about it. Solve such a problem for him and surprise him with the solution.

This sort of thing can be done with grand gestures or small every day things. But either way it will be appreciated and it will feel like you are just as concerned about your Dom's needs as he is about yours.

Hope that helps.

hanch • Apr 18, 2023

I find it beautiful how you are thinking about how to help your partner. I find that very interesting and I hope that you will find what you are looking for. If you want to talk, I am here for you

Miki • Apr 18, 2023

Hmm. Seems to me you and he are doing the right things. Keep it up and always be open to communication.

Things change, but communication helps both of you meet those changes, and the challenges that accompany them-- head on. It's always better to deal with a challenge in its nascent stage than when "a problem becomes a problem"

But so far? You come across as happy. Keep it up!

MM

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 20, 2023

Here is a relevant video I came across a while back, and I just saw a thumbnail with it. It is a YouTube video by Evie Lupine, who has been featured in the magazine here recently. It echoes some things I said, but she gives way more ideas also.

How to Reward your Dominant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeYgFI_IBgk&t=0s