What do you know now...

What do you know now...

primerose • Jun 4, 2023

What are the most important things about BDSM that you know now - that you wish you'd known when you started out?

I personally wish i had a better understanding of informed consent AND how unique each dynamic can be. Curious about others.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Jun 4, 2023

I started out at 18 and im currently exploring my maso side.
I personally wish that I had known:

- that I didn't need to rush to find a dom. He found me on this site and waited till almost 2 years of talking and eventually playing to ask me to be his sub. I had doms disrespect my hard limits and one tried to convince me at 18 I should marry him (40 m) on paper so that "I'd always be his".

- to make people hold a conversation. The amount of people that say that they are fine with it then get pissed when I made them talk to me before even considering playing with them is ridiculous. Those with good intentions will wait.

- to be open to exploring. I never would've considered doing impact play, breath play, or even hoods until I found my dom. I love it and I'm looking into the other kinks that I listed as a hard limit when I was starting

- telling people no. When I started I was meek and would roll over to please a "dom". No matter if it went against my hard limits. Now I tell people to piss off because I know what my boundaries are and what I am okay with.

- having boundaries. I started no knowing what I should've been looking for or what I was okay with. Now I have them set up so I can rule out doms or play partners because the things I ask are not difficult to follow (boundaries: being able to hold a conversation so trust can be built)

Bunnie • Jun 5, 2023

That regardless of what someone identifies as, we all still struggle. We struggle to “life” and we struggle with our BDSM journey, and we struggle with how the two meet.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 5, 2023

That submission is given, not a given.

That submission is individual, not generic.

That D/s is two equals from opposite sides and not a question of inferiority/superiority.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2023

That it was mandatory to wear a black biker's vest, being a Dom and all.

gramm​(sub male) • Jun 5, 2023

To me the most important thing about bdsm is that each player must get what they want from it whatever that happens to be and not be pushed into it because they might like only little bits of it and feel that is their only option, unless of course they get off by solely pleasing some one else.
There is a big world of bdsm out there and no matter how mad your particular kink might be there will be another consenting adult partner out there somewhere into the same things that you will eventually hook up with if you are patient enough and don't rush into a unhappy relationship.
Build your dungeon and they will come!

Miki​(masochist female) • Jun 6, 2023

It's kind of like life in general. There are any number of things we know now that we wished we knew "then". But although this is a cool thinking exercise, that's what going through life is all about. Live and Learn. As for BDSM, well, I wish I knew when I started that a lot of it could have waited. I probably started too soon and as a result these days I'm kind of jaded to the whole thing and am enjoying a simpler life, enjoying solitude and independence.

Re: What do you know now...

autisticbarbie • Jun 6, 2023

very interesting question! I'm still newish, but for me it's also informed consent. I learned that from this site actually, so thanks folks!