My new (and first) sub has a porn addiction

My new (and first) sub has a porn addiction

flamegoddess​(switch female) • Jun 22, 2023

Hi everyone.
I just really started my journey here, but I’m interested in slave training.(I have been doing copious research and am currently looking for a mentor) My new partner of a couple of weeks has opened up about a pretty serious porn addiction.
My first instinct is to not see that as a red flag, because honestly its hot. But he wants me to help him over come it through slave training.

Any advice on wether I should even attempt to do that or if anyones had success in helping some one break a porn addiction.

From what I know about addiction, it’s inevitable completely up to the addict on getting through that, and I’m very aware that I’m not a health care professional. I’ve talked to my sub about going to therapy, but do you guys thinks its a good idea to force him too?or let him go in his own time? I want to take this seriously. Thanks in advance for any advice!

Prince of Fire​(dom male) • Jun 22, 2023

I would caution against forcing your sub into therapy right now; trauma or something like that may be attached to the porn addiction. I would try something like having him delete all his porn-accept pictures and videos of you and use chastity (task) and orgasm denial (punishment) for a while and learn more about the addiction; is it a specific fetish etc.? Ultimately he opened up to you, which significantly speaks to your power and his trust in you, and you may want to help him. However, your sub has to want to kick the porn addiction himself.

flamegoddess​(switch female) • Jun 22, 2023

Thanks for responding so quick! He does want to move away from it. He tells me he feels its hindering his life. And I will try chastity as well as orgasm denial. He says he’s been looking for a therapist but I am concerned that the fetish porn he is into is Bambi sleep.

I did some research on that and I am very spooked by it. The more I look, the harder it is to tell how real the Bambi sleep thing is?
But basically he’s addicted to hypnosis porn.

Ultimately I don’t mind that or his use of porn but he seems to really want to get control of his consumption but is struggling.

Since Im doming I am not 100% sure where I should draw the line on controlling this part of his life or if I should even attempt it. I am super curious to be in control though and I want to be an ethical slave trainer.

Prince of Fire​(dom male) • Jun 22, 2023

You're welcome; I always love chatting with another caring Dom. Hmm, tricky... does your sub want to be feminized? He may be watching the Bambi porn because he wants it for himself. If it's a case that it JUST gets him aroused and he doesn't want to be feminized, have him delete all porn except media of you, try the chastity and orgasm denial, and pull more information slowly about the addiction out of him.

If your sub has given you a lot of power in his life, be decisive, don't shy away from it. If he withdraws that power from you, so be it. However, you have his best interest at heart, and he needs you to be his compass until he says he doesn't.

kaoh • Jun 30, 2023

My take:

What is a 'serious porn addiction'? - is he blowing all his money on subscriptions and cam-girls? Still have enough jizz to get it up for you after jerking all day? Then what's the problem?

You said you've only had him a couple weeks. Are you sure he's not playing you? Setting you up for catching him and having reason to punish and since he's a sub he gets off on the punishment and gets off on getting caught. If that's the case, are you cool with your role?

He he really has an addiction that is causing problems other than chafing, will you be able to help or subconsciously undermine him to continue to have reasons to punish?

Or have fun with it. Tell him he can only watch porn while you peg him doggstyle.

ewieya​(sub female){Myself} • Jun 30, 2023

Research porn addiction and what treatments are effective? You won't find data in D/s.

As someone with mental illness, I have encountered many a person who thought they could cure my eating disorder. I have a long history of seeing results with mainstream treatments. I know better?

I'm sorry I don't have the right words. I would caution against doing this. It may do more harm than good.

ewieya​(sub female){Myself} • Jun 30, 2023

I read everything too quickly. I don't know the answer to your actual question! If I had a Dom make it a command to go to therapy... I would swoon!! But would it be effective for someone who maybe isn't ready?

Apologies for the quick reply. Best of luck to you!

Craven Object • Jun 30, 2023

A few thoughts as a MH professional:

Porn is not an addiction in the clinical sense. Unlike true addictions, is does not rewire your body chemistry for the response loop. When people speak colloquially about "porn addiction," what they mean is that the person has shown some OC behavior involving porn. This sort of behavior pattern can develop around any activity and particularly one that creates comfort or temporarily relieves anxiety. A competent therapist will not treat the symptom as the issues but rather explore what lies behind it. It is almost always a symptom of something else. For instance, it is a fairly common response to depression or anxiety. It quite frequently signals a patients discomfort with sex or their own sexuality (desires, orientation, etc.) because of conflicts with their values and felt responsibilities. I would be careful about making any assumptions about underlying issues based on specific forced fem content of their current fantasies., as well. Kinks are notoriously plastic. There may be some gender dysphoria, but it may also simply be a manifestation of status loss fantasies, or humiliation, or a desire to escape because they are unhappy with who they are or what their life is.

My main point is that it is totally OK to play with their person, even incorporating "correction" of their porn related behaviors, but they are not substitutes for actual therapeutic treatment. If they really are concerned about their porn use (and other issues, I'm sure) they should find a therapist who is kink/alternative sex affirming as well as LGBTQ+ affirming. This is not as easy as it sounds. Two major preconditions of constructive therapy is non-judgment and unconditional regard. Even highly accomplished professionals struggle to maintain this when it comes to BDSM, kink, gender play, pornography, etc. People have strong ideological perspectives. You want someone who is LGBTQ affirming even though your sub is straight because they tend to be more open minded and experienced at exploring alternative sexuality and gender issues. But still, many LGBTQ+ affirming therapists will struggle with things like "sissy porn" or BDSM because of ideological perspectives, so look specifically for kink-affirming. Those trained specifically as sexologists or sex therapists are often better briefed and more comfortable with all this stuff. Therapist who are affirming will usually say so in their materials. Accepting is not affirming.

From what you said, btw, I wouldn't worry about "making" him go. Here is clearly open to it and this is a case of also understanding the difference between the play coercion of BDSM lifestyle and hard legal coercion of court ordered therapy. If he really doesn't want to go, he won't or he'll stop. And even a trainee therapist will discover very quickly if the client isn't will to truly undertake the work and bring that to the surface.

Good luck to both of you.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Jun 30, 2023

This to me seems extremely off putting. What I got from this was "I don't believe in Porn addiction. You shouldn't either. I bet he's doing it as a way to get off. You should use this thing against him"

Not all subs are looking to be punished in the way you are thinking. It is in poor taste to treat the situation that way, by going off what they said in the post. Just going off the post, he clearly wants to break the habit and they want to help.

KatyLatex​(dom female) • Jul 2, 2023

I’m not sure if this is slightly different to Craven Object’s explanation, but my understanding is that porn addiction is a bit like a chemical addiction because it is the dopamine rush people get from watching porn, thinking about it, or other related activities. I believe this is similar to addictions like gambling, and I would say hoarding too. (But slightly different to when substances like alcohol or drugs are used.) I think understanding of it all is at a point where it is changing quite a lot over recent years. I’m based in the UK, some useful resources I’d suggest are a website and a book both called “Your Brain on Porn”, and a UK counsellor Paula Hall who has written several books on the topic and she also has a website and recovery centre called Laurel Centre. Hope that is useful.