'Can we talk? Can we be friends?'

'Can we talk? Can we be friends?'

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 16, 2023

What do you guys all think of approaches like this?

It makes me roll my eyes.

My profile clearly states I am not seeking. It also clearly states I'm open to conversation and friendship.

But conversation and friendship are constructed. You start somewhere. 'I really liked your post on x... What do you think of y?' 'your pic of such and such is interesting... How did you...?'

I simply do not get the request to be friends or talk, with no attempt to start somewhere.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 16, 2023

Send them this link in return:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHmmjnEdtx8

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 17, 2023

Welcome to the club.

My profile is deliberately thin for starters, and also it clearly states I'm Not Looking---

But still, especially early on in my tenure here the "friendships" almost always (save for two, one of which I communicate with off-site as he doesn't want to come in here anymore--- Anyway sooner or later comes "let's meet"--- even if they're on the other side of the country-- on up to conversations that drift into sexual waters... When I reinforce that I am not looking, I don't give out my phone number for texting-- none of that shit..... Eventually they vanish like fartsd in the wind.

.. which I do not mind. Now almost no one bothers me, which is equaly cool.

However and of note, the same horseshit takes place on non-dating sites: Sooner or later come requests for pics, phone numbers, meet-ups--- It's commonplace, but I stand my ground.

No means No.

I just want friendly "conversation" but, not to diss all dudes, but the majority of them just can't function as just online friends with a woman.--- well except gay guys. They're never a problem, obviously. But they're in very short supply.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Oct 17, 2023

I put it in my bio that I'm not looking. I also give the warning, that if you push my boundary that I will not hesitate to be a cunt/big brat. They never enjoy that game

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 18, 2023

Hm.. I'm already a brat by nature although I never was in / wanted to be in a dynamic. That only seemed to encourage most dudes to try and change my mind.

I just persisted with "friendly banter only" and thankfully they all gave up, some more quickly than others.

One joker had the nerve to say "Then why are you even in here?"

That was worthy of laughs. This is NOT a dating site per se. There is a Personals section of course, they can go in there or or Fet. That site is definitely more geared to hook ups, relationships, etc.

Bottom line. I enjoy my life precisely as it is and do not want to fuck it all up with gooey relationship shit.


As I often say, "But That's Just Me."

Other opinions will vary. Different strokes for different pokes.

Irish123​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2023

I generally state in my first message something along the lines of I am only looking to be friends right of the bat. I try to be clear so and upfront straight away so there is no confusion.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2023

Good morning. Just chiming in. I don’t get approached often which is good. My profile states right up front I’m offering friendship but most assuredly not looking. Of the few times I have been approached when it seems like their intention is something more, I let them know that my profile points out friendship is what I’m offering.

I even state in my profile what I get from being here in this spectacular community. Fun, education, some friends!

One individual did message me with a compliment to my comments on other blogs and posts. I responded very cordially. I think we exchanged one or two other pleasant messages with no real intent or intention and then I went camping for a weekend. I returned to a polite message requesting that I respect them and that “we would not work out” since I had not provided any additional information on me. I am certain they are right, considering I had no intention. So nothing further heard.

As I get to know someone, I may become more vocal and allow them to see more of me. And I can be an incorrigible flirt and sometimes raw once I become good friends - but only after I know where the line is drawn and whoever I am talking to knows who I am.

And friendly banter is awesome!

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 18, 2023

It's sadly commonplace and seems especially in evidence online. We live in a Burger King drive thru world where people have been seemingly conditioned to "have it your way" almost instantly, and with little to no effort.

Still, i'm consistently dumbfounded by 'insta' folk. It seems an epidemic malady of the online world to me. One of the big disconnects i experience is on dating sites that are presumably there for the purpose of relationship. i think for many, "dating" has become a euphemism for hook up.

What flabbergasts me though is the people who have desire for any kind of connection, be it hook up, ltr, friendship or any other manner of relationship, who do not know how, or seem unequipped, to "construct" those things. i try to give guys the benefit of the doubt, who's only explanation in their profile reads something like: "looking for ltr," or "looking for love..." and nothing else. I wonder: "maybe they just want to look and not be seen?"

People, who seem to have no idea of the what, why and wherefore of self disclosure, are so prevalent online, it's scary to me. And when you try to explain that it's hard, probably impossible, to have an invisible friend, they feel insulted or become like deer in headlights.

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2023

It is exasperating! Between that and the gross comments (which have decreased dramatically since I changed my settings to only allowed paid users to message me), the bold questions about my fantasies or sexual preferences, or the overly generic "how are you today?"... I don't know which ones are worse, quite honestly.

Sometimes I flat out ignore. Sometimes I reply with a snarky response. Once or twice I've actually responded by rewording their message for them and suggesting they try that approach moving forward.

It's not that hard, y'all. If you take the time to actually read a profile before messaging, and then say something thoughtful about it, it will go a looooong way. For example, if you message me with something like:
"I love your profile. Yes, it was long but I kept reading. You sound like a strong woman who won't put up with bullshit. Wish I'd been a fly on the wall for some of your responses to those "doms" who tried, did they get their asses handed to them?
p.s. - I cursed in front of my mother once and I ended up with a bar of soap shoved in my mouth. I was picking soap residue out of my teeth for days!"

I would likely respond with something like:
"My mother did the same! But I'm older and stronger now, so there's no more wrestling me into the bathroom to get the bar of soap!!

As for the ass handing, it doesn't always stop them. And there are always those who crave that abuse and want more of it. But I'm learning the signals and try to ignore those. I should probably ignore all of them, but I get sassy and feisty real quick. What's been the sassiest response you've received from someone you've messaged?"

and before you know it... a conversation is happening.

Like I said, it's not fucking hard!

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 19, 2023

So, a whole bunch of us feel similarly. 😊

What a shame that the people who send these messages, are highly unlikely to read the forums and blogs...