What kind of submissive?

What kind of submissive?

Sololoquy • Oct 17, 2023

I'm trying to figure out what kind of submissive I am. I took one of those online quizzes, which said I was a babygirl and that definitely isn't right, because I'm not into ageplay and don't really think my whole vibe is sweet/innocent/goody two-shoes at all. Initially, I thought that maybe I was a brat, but I'm having some doubts about that too. Maybe it's just that I'm only mildly bratty, maybe I'm not bratty but just a bad sub and disobedient at times.

What kind of things could I look at to figure this out?

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 17, 2023

Being a babygirl does not have to do with age play, mainly. It is more of a submissive-lite. They prefer much less strict "Daddy Doms" and typically end up being brats.

Age players are usually known as "littles" or "middles"

Sololoquy • Oct 17, 2023

I thought terms like "Daddy" were part of age play, the left side of the slash to littles and middles?

I do like strict and I would say I am obedient about 90% of the time, at least. I tend to be disobedient when I feel like I'm closer to my limit and feel prepared to take the punishment, so maybe the punishments need to be more severe or is it just that I'm being bratty? I don't especially feel motivated by getting a rise out of my Dom, although I enjoy satisfying his desire to punish as well. It's almost like, I want to give him the satisfaction of being obeyed, but I also want to give him the satisfaction of being a disciplinarian or a sadist.

Does this suggest any oher alternatives? Or does it still sound like babygirl?

shebakesalot​(sub female) • Oct 17, 2023

RUDE jk

Ooooh, curious to take this quiz now!

As for what kind of things you can look at, depends what you're into. I lean towards being a service-oriented submissive, aka love doing things for my Dom (cooking for him, getting him drinks, etc.). Anything that makes things easier for him. I'm also a masochist and my current play partner is a Sadist, so providing an outlet for his need to inflict pain (consensually) is also part of my submissiveness.

There are "standard" behaviors that could be labeled a specific type of submissive, but it's kind of whatever you make it to be and varies in each dynamic.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 17, 2023

Sounds more like a brat to me than anything.

Really you should be what you want to be. Don't let tests tell you anything. Mostly they are crap. Everyone has a different viewpoint on what the various labels mean. You need to do the research and then apply what you want.

Purĕ​(sub female){♥︎loved} • Oct 17, 2023

I'm a GoodBabyGirlyBratKitten

Sololoquy • Oct 17, 2023

This was the quiz I took: https://kinkyevents.co.uk/free-resources-for-doms-and-subs/what-submissive-personality-are-you-quiz/. I agree with TopekaDom that they're mostly crap - I was just curious to see what general direction it pointed me towards, and they're kind of fun to do from time to time.

I don't think I'm service-oriented at all really.

Answering this is made trickier by the fact that I'm solo and a switch, so in effect, we're talking about my Dom side and my sub side. My Dom side wants to guide and discipline, and has some interest in ritual and protocol but to that great an extent - something fairly organic. Also, wants to be in control and use either bondage and disciplinarian means to exercise that control, or to use a little bit of sadism, or more so, degradation. My sub side, considered by itself (not as part of this dynamic) likes to feel accepted for herself, even when she's not at her best. She wants to feel that rather than being abandoned to face things outside her control, she is either encouraged and trained to deal with them, or that she can trust someone to know what she can really handle and "force" her (through bondage typically, but a little degradation or pain too) to see things through and importantly, not alone. She tends to feel inclined to disobey when there are other things that feel more powerful to her than following rules, i.e. fear, lust, pain. There is generally a desire to please and there's probably some praise kink in the mix there too, but I guess it's whenever something feels stronger than the Dom side's influence that leads to disobedience.

When I put these two sides together into a dynamic (my experiment for Kinktober), I find it's been working pretty well because they mostly complement each other. Most of what I'm prepared to do is what I'm also prepared to take and vice-versa, although not in absolutely all cases. And since it is working well so far, it suggests that whatever kind of Dom I would be is the kind of Dom I seem happy to sub to and vice-versa. So far, I've been using this dynamic to explore my kinks specifically, but also for non-sexual activities, which could include some domesticity, but mostly just anything that encourages me to grow. It could be being better with finances, learning something new, being bolder in what I choose to wear, being prepared to be uncomfortable, enjoying something sensual - literally anything in my life that makes me better. (That was always my motivation pre-kink, so that makes sense.)

Does any of this suggest any particular kind of dynamic or type to you? In general terms, I mean. I know that types are really just a semi-useful grouping of shared features and shouldn't be treated as gospel or something restrictive.

I'm just new to a lot of this and keen to get some further insights from an external perspective.

Thanks

Sololoquy • Oct 17, 2023

I'm certainly on board with being what you want to be, because I figure most typings are only useful to a degree. They depend on a framework of understanding and that framework will be routed in certain foundational principles I may or may not agree with, so they can only really go so far.

That being said, I'm new to much of this, so I'm just trying to stay open, exploring different approaches and resources to get the lay of the land, so to speak. Some of it's been self-reflection and experimentation, some of it just asking lots of questions and getting other takes on it all.

When it comes to being bratty, is the main thing that suggests that type the willingness or preparedness to disobey at all, as opposed to disobedience being perhaps more accidental or due to a predicament in an otherwise perfectly obedient sub?

Bunnie • Oct 17, 2023

It’s good to use a label to give a general idea of what you’re about, however the flip side of that which can be an easy trap to fall into, is becoming fixated on trying to make yourself fit that label.
Personally, I tend to have characteristics of most of the “bottom” side of things, probably more strongly within slave/“little” (but that aspect of me is simply my softer more vulnerable side than anything particularly relating to what is commonly considered a little). So I have come to refer to myself as more of a “free-range slave” lol. I function best when given boundaries, with the freedom to be myself within those boundaries… yet TPE is where it’s at for me, which is why I don’t simply consider myself to be a submissive.
How do you work these things out? By coming to know yourself and figuring out what works and what doesn’t.
Every person will bring out something different in you, so I tend to simply feel for what’s there, and take it more by what dynamic is created within the space between us (if that makes sense).

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 17, 2023

So they let you out of the cage for an hour or so?