Balance

Balance

Sololoquy • Nov 4, 2023

Having had a really intense October learning a lot about BDSM and my relationship with it from various perspectives, I'm dialling down the intensity and trying to integrate what I've learnt with a view to restoring some balance, not the same balance as before, but something new and sustainable.

One thing I've just realised is that having spent a lot of time exploring both sexual and non-sexual aspects of it, I'm feeling a separation on the sexual side from kink whilst remaining keen to maintain the non-sexual aspects. More specifically, the psychological and emotional elements appeal most. I feel less of a need to be doing regular scenes. I was doing them once a week.

Are there people living it 24/7 or as often as they can with only occasional scenes, and most of their daily lives just being about what may look fairly ordinary to a casual observer but has kink pervading everything at a deeper, more subtle level?

I'm just trying to get a handle on the intensity and balance, the physical and the emotional, the sexual and non-sexual, and it's not helped by having barely any realistic representation available of what living this more than just in the bedroom looks like.

Steellover​(sub male) • Nov 4, 2023

For me, there would have to be some balance between work, hobbies, social life, and worshipping my dominant (in ways both kinky and non.)

There would have to be boundaries set, communication in place, and I would have to prioritize these things to make space for Her, without giving up the other things.

MCCheer​(sub female) • Nov 5, 2023

Sololoquy,

I am just out of a dynamic that although long distance we were living 24-7. When we were together there was an occasional scene but for me the Dominance and submission was for more important to me than the scenes. Although we were respectful of those around us when we were out, the Power Exchange never went away.

I think it's different strokes for different folks though. And you have to find a balance and intensity that works for you.

Just my two cents. Feel free to reach out if you'd ever like to chat.

Respectfully,
Meli

trappedperhaps​(sub female) • Nov 6, 2023

Idk it’s constantly on my mind that’s all I know. & always has been

Sololoquy • Nov 6, 2023

Thanks, Meli 😊 Unfortunately, I can't message as I don't have Premium.

So when you say scenes were occasional and it was the dominance and submission that were more important, how does that look in daily life roughly? Is it a case of doing the vanilla stuff like work, outside relationships, (dealing with kids, if applicable), then having the rest of the day governed by whatever rules, protocols and rituals you have in place?

This is coming to be how I understand 24/7, shifting the focus away from how much scenes are happening and more on the underlying dynamic. Is that more on the right track?

MCCheer​(sub female) • Nov 6, 2023

Sololoquy,

Even when I am doing vanilla things, I am constantly thinking about my Dominant and if what I am doing is what he would want me to do. Would it bring him and my dynamic shame. So while I am working, even though I often have to take a Dominant role, I still want to reflect well on my Dominant. There are many times, I will step away for a moment, hold on to my collar and just breath.

I guess it's like in a vanilla relationship. If you are dating someone or married to them, that is always true whether I am with that person in the moment or not. When I am in a dynamic, the dynamic always applies whether we are in each other's presence or not.

I hope this helps some.
Meli