Surviving online with a new sub

Surviving online with a new sub

Lockland​(dom male) • Jan 9, 2024

I've looked for a long time and finally found the right sub for me.

At the start, I should say this is my first go at maintaining a D/s relationship online. My sub has never been in an online relationship either. And that's my problem.....I've only ever been in-person, primarily in 24/7 TPE relationships. It's going to be a few months, hopefully less than 6, before we will be in-person.

We have spoken extensively over the phone, discussing general things as well as our views on D/s. We agree on nearly everything regarding how a D/s relationship should work----in person. So I'm looking for advice/comments/whatever from those who have successfully maintained an online relationship for some period of time. Are there pitfalls to avoid? Are there extra things I need to be doing to maintain the dynamic of the relationship ? Are there extra things she needs to be doing ?

Thanks in advance for responding.

Non Verbal Communication

theflyingdutchmanDom​(dom male) • Jan 9, 2024

It’s great to hear the both of you have decided to embark on an online dynamic. I have had a few experiences, and have found them challenging at times, which could say more about Me than the dynamic, yet there are still a few aspects that may be worth focusing on. The main one that I found important was the lack of non-verbal communication. I have always leaned heavily on the non-verbal communication in My dynamic. It would guide Me regarding the boundaries, I would navigate and push but was led the interpretation of My words and desires. Online takes much of this away, so where a sub might give a non-verbal reaction to a situation, she will now have to communicate her feelings more than she may be accustomed to. And for You, it will become important to remain patient and confident.

The beauty of online, is your creative truly gets an opportunity to thrive. One is forced to be creative and find unique ways to be together and enjoy the dynamic together, yet not physically.

Re: Non Verbal Communication

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Jan 10, 2024

Agree! This was one of the most difficult things for me to do. You really do forgot how much you rely on non-verbal cues to communicate until you can’t do that anymore. My Sir had to constantly reassure me that he wanted me to tell him what I was feeling, even when I was worried about oversharing or being annoying.

SweetOnez​(sub female) • Jan 10, 2024

I think the comments are base not on the submissive this is written about. Unfortunately we only have one side to give advice on not hers which is also a very important part

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 10, 2024

I would continue to work towards the goal of being together IRL in six months or less. That time will drag on mentally, but physically it will be a blink.
maintaining a positive attitude while dampening any mental barriers.

Use skype or facetime, some form of video chat to melt away the miles between you. Create some D/s games you can play long distance - send her a remote controlled vibe and edge/deny/ruin/force orgasms her over video, every day or however often. Have her torment herself while you watch and direct the torment.

Have her start a video journal of her D/s desires and things you want her to communicate.

Have her edge while you are video chatting and only allow her to cum when she fulfills some feat or task

Do things that will help her feel connected to you in spite of the distance. . .the video chatting is ok, but the daily journal or having her do specific acts is better at helping her feel connected to you.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 10, 2024

Big topic.

To me, comparing online with irl is sort of like comparing a Hummer with a Swatch car. Both are technically cars, but a list of realistic expectations of where the former car can take one is going to be much longer than the latter. So, to me, starting out with realistic expectations is key to survival.

i think others have identified one of the big ones: communication.

Communication is different from what both are used to from the start. We are often not even conscious of the visual and tonal cues we rely on to communicate, so it's not always easy (possible?) to put our finger on what's missing. Which takes me back to expectation. i think both parties need to be aware of the pitfalls, and maybe more dedicated to the grace of forgiveness when the other fails to mee their expectations.

Online is so very different than irl, i've never met someone online, then irl and found the same person in both situations, they are always different.

Re: Non Verbal Communication

I'mME • Jan 10, 2024

theflyingditchmanDom,

"she will now have to communicate her feelings more than she may be accustomed to"

Why would only the sub have to communicate her feelings more? They don't have the benefit of seeing the Dom. Subs look at facial expressions , body language, all the time, I'm going a step further, probably more than Doms do.
Checking for all kinds of things.

I'mME • Jan 10, 2024

Cognizant,
Your entire answer is based on all subs being the same. It's time for that mentality to stop.
It takes equal effort in this.

SweetOnez​(sub female) • Jan 11, 2024

This is crazy it's not a online relationship! It's via phone and pictures and it's only due to my injury I have. So when answering this post. The only reason why this is via phone is I am having a spinal stimulator put in my back and me moving anywhere is impossible for me at the moment. Things have been left out of this here is my issues with this situation. 1st I had no idea why he put it out here.2. When he gets of he had no problem. 3.I am a well seasoned submissive and I know how to be one. My privacy has been violated by my FUTURE Dominant. 4.if you or him don't like what I say kick rocks! It's my business

I'mME • Jan 11, 2024

@Lynneanne,

From all appearances YOU outted yourself.
This is a conversation for y'all.