Does This Lifestyle Ever Get To Be Too Much?

Does This Lifestyle Ever Get To Be Too Much?

lambsone • Jan 17, 2024

Does anyone get overwhelmed by living your chosen part of the BDSM, M/s, D/s, Kink etc lifestyles? Do you ever need some kind of a break or need to take a step back to evaluate where you are at and where you want to be? Do you ever experience too much of a good thing?

If so, what do you do to cope with it? Then afterwards what do you do to get back on track?

Are there ways to not get overwhelmed in the first place?

Miki • Jan 18, 2024

I guess I just got "burned out"/ bored with it.

Then again I was never "relationship material" in the first place. I'm most definitely a "loner".

I interact with humans when I have to, like at work-- or brief (most of the time) posts in here or other (non-sensual) websites but otherwse, I'm just not a "social creature", although humans are, by and large considered to be "social beings"

I still have the mindset to participate in here, but as for being active... Meh.

I'm great with that choice and have no plans to "get back on track", because I am on the track I want.

Re: Does This Lifestyle Ever Get To Be Too Much?

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jan 18, 2024

Good morning. I think the best way to avoid being overwhelmed is to ensure you are well rounded in life. As in most endeavors or delights if you fixate too much you'll burn out or get your fill. Someone who loves pizza but eats pizza every meal will lose their enjoyment and satisfaction in having a slice. Which is to say, the lifestyle is a lifestyle but we shouldn't forget the others beauties of life that are out there. A great book, an adventurous movies, a long hike in the mountains, a trip down the coast (or up it), a museum, paying the bills and living the vida vanilla. And in between it all, we infuse elements of how we see this lifestyles fitting in. Does that make sense?

Additionally, this isn't a sprint, it's marathon. By that I mean, if you are doing this for life, you need to slowly build up to it. Some individuals jump into a 24/7 TPE after a few hours of dialogue and are burnt out by day three. You need to slowly work elements into your life, very much like training any sport or activity. When I first started in martial arts decades ago, I had to sit in a horse stance for ten minutes for my first test. It was hard, but I trained to it. The last time I was required to sit in the horse stance for a test, I had to sit for an hour without movement. When I was younger, ten minutes seemed like an eternity, but when I sat in it for an hour a decade later, it wasn't that bad. I trained for it. Same with the lifestyle. Some elements require slow acclimation.

So avoid the burnout or being overwhelmed by including a healthy dose of the rest of life and slowly building those elements that take time.

All the best,
LL

Innocent Me​(sub female){Protected} • Jan 18, 2024

I agree with Literate Lycan, building slowly really matters. I am starting my first dynamic, ever, and I can see how it could get overwhelming. I have lived a pretty independent life so far, so giving some of that up for my dom is proving easy and difficult at the same time. We have very basic things set in place and are trying to master the simpler things first. Even the simple things, like the schedule he's planned out for me is proving difficult at times because it's something new...it's something I have to get used to and change about my days that I've been doing the same way for so long.

Not sure if this will help you, but my Daddy and me do a nightly check in. We take turns telling each other how our day was, what we did well as a couple or what he did well as my partner, how we appreciate each other/the things we appreciated about each other that day, what we can improve on as a couple or individuals and any needs we feel didn't get taken care of that day.

I feel like, this being a new relationship for my Daddy and me, it's nice to go through check in every night because it allows us to make little tweaks to things as we go. If I felt overwhelmed that day by my schedule, well then we can talk about why and try to figure out what to do about it. If I feel like one of my needs didn't get met, we talk about why I feel that way and what he can do to better meet those needs. I am the type of person that has a hard time speaking up sometimes and I minimize things....so having that space every night to freely express myself really helps. It also keeps things from festering, even if it's something 'small' in my mind I express it every night and it gets resolved asap. Hope that makes sense. Hehe

Good luck to you and your man, be sure to enjoy the journey! ^_^

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 18, 2024

Hi again. when it's just my partner and I, the main thing I look out for is when either of us discover a new thrill. . .we tend to want to experience it and there is potential to overdo it out of pure excitement. In the heat of the moment we forget things like our age, how much of a mess this scene is going to make, how long the bruises will take to heal, et cetera. She squirts, we both know she squirts. . .but often forget to grab a chuck or stack of puppy pads when the moment takes us.

As far as wanting to take a break from kinky activities - I have never experienced that.

I have often wanted to distance myself from certain community members or certain groups that behave outside of my ideals.

lambsone • Jan 18, 2024

I'm glad for the discussion and responses. I agree with much of what was said and was thinking the same myself. And also glad to know that if we take a break doing other things to recharge, we aren't going sour towards the lifestyle, just needing to gain a better perspective for the time being.

While I am attracted to the D/s and BDSM (mostly bondage) lifestyles and know that I've always been a submissive person, I am still not exactly sure where I will fit in when the time comes that I have a chance to be a full-time part of it. So every once-in-a-while I question if I've got the right mind set for it at all. Glad to know when I'm feeling overwhelmed that this is a normal part of life no matter what lifestyle you live.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Jan 18, 2024

Over time as the initial “honeymoon” of Dom/sub frenzy cools, the real relationship starts to develop, little things start to matter more .
If it’s a LDR a good morning to let each other know you are alive and well, and a good night so you are both aware you are home safe and in bed !
Giving each other “you” time to follow your own pursuits!
Sharing compersive thoughts throughout the day.
Taking time to watch a movie or perhaps a walk, just enjoying each other’s company!
The Ds relationship is always there but not necessarily on show!

Don’t wait for a perfect moment, take a moment and make it perfect!

K y i v • Jan 19, 2024

I feel it evolves in many ways. Overwhelming when both have low batteries.

lambsone • Jan 19, 2024

True Kyiv, I hadn't thought of that. Thanks.

lambsone • Jan 19, 2024

I love your last sentence Aquarius. And thank you for your wise words.