Long Distance

Long Distance

farashacaveluv • Feb 10, 2024

I just started talking to a person who lives out of state at quite a distance. He has a nesting partner in a V situation that has been going on for several years. I really like this person. I guess I would want advice for longevity in regard to a long-distance connection. I have no issue with not being in proximity all the time. My other connections do not live close to me, but are within the same state.

Heero​(dom male) • Feb 10, 2024

Not knowing much, I would say communication would be the number one thing to pay attention to (of course, it pretty much is in any kind of romantic(?) relationship). With close proximity, there are many non-verbal cues and communication that can let you know how to interact with a person, you lose all that at a distance. So deliberately communicating things you normally otherwise would not is a skill that is vital for long distance connections.

But you probably already knew that, since you said you have experience with other long distance connections (have they been short affairs?).

I suppose in the end, I fail to see the issue. You have experience with long distance connections, and you have no issue with proximity. What do you really need advice on? If you like this person, keep talking to them and getting to know them. If they like you back, things will naturally grow in a nice way (well, "naturally" for someone used to long distance connections. It would be quite unnatural for someone who needs proximity, which doesn't seem to be you).

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Feb 10, 2024

Communicate communicate communicate.

I met my partner here and she ended up moving across the country to be with me. Those 11 months were so hard.

It sounds like you're comfortable with the poly nature of your relationship and experienced with LD, so that helps a lot. Make dates and stick to them. Be spontaneous but also date like you would in person. Do things like order the same food and have a video date. Talk things out when they get rough and have the same tough conversations you'd have if you were in person.

farashacaveluv • Feb 10, 2024

I really like you video date ideas. We are trying to have one at least once a week if possible. It just feels good verbalizing my thoughts on this and also getting good feedback from others. Thank you.

quote="simplylaura"]Communicate communicate communicate.

I met my partner here and she ended up moving across the country to be with me. Those 11 months were so hard.

It sounds like you're comfortable with the poly nature of your relationship and experienced with LD, so that helps a lot. Make dates and stick to them. Be spontaneous but also date like you would in person. Do things like order the same food and have a video date. Talk things out when they get rough and have the same tough conversations you'd have if you were in person.[/quote]

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Feb 10, 2024

For sure. I'd never had a truly successful LDR till this one and we had to work at it. I think expectation setting was really important too. It was hard knowing that I had to make sure to have supports set up at home since she and I couldn't be together. Our relationship blossomed during early covid so we got really good at video dates.

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 10, 2024

Communicate, but if someone wants "the next level"---- someone will have to relocate.

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Feb 11, 2024

Texas is a big state.

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Feb 11, 2024

I'm not so sure about this (and I'm not being argumentative- I'm genuinely curious) because I think that depends on what the "next level" is.

For me the next level was traditional- moving in, tying the knot. But I have a friend who has a serious relationship in multiple cities, and he considered them all primary (or close to it) relationships. He lives with his Daddy/husband and had the means to travel a lot. I've met several of his other partners and they appear as committed as can be. I don't know, I need routine, in person relationships, but he genuinely makes it work.

So maybe a high level ldr could work long term? But I don't know, it's not how I'm wired.

Heero​(dom male) • Feb 11, 2024

I hear ya. I think "having the means to travel a lot" and "relocate" are somewhat equivalent here. The point is to close the gap. You can have a very fulfilling long distance relationship, yes, but distance is a significantly limiting factor in many ways. There are definitely "levels" that you won't be able to reach if you never actually meet. And other levels that you won't reach if you don't see each other (at least semi-) regularly.